Written by Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists, the Marriage in a Box blog shares insights into common relationship struggles, gives ideas for moving beyond the roadblocks, and helps you find your path to happiness – both individually and within your relationship.
With the rising number of couples filing for divorce, it seems more challenging than ever to make a marriage last until death do you part. What do those couples whose unions last for decades know about love that others don't? Here are some of the best marriage tips from those who've stuck it out for half a century. These are some keys to marital success.
Make your Partner feel wanted.
Knowing and regularly hearing that your spouse loves you is crucial and can make your marriage last a lifetime.
If you want your partner to feel desired:
Let them know they are on your mind often.
Let your partner know you are putting them first.
Accept their unique strengths and weaknesses and that you love them for that.
Be Physically Affectionate every day.
To make your spouse feel loved means listening to their wants and needs and giving physical affection. Physical affection, like hugs, kisses, and holding hands, makes your partner feel appreciated and loved. Try to make the most of each moment with your partner and kiss each other goodnight.
Show Appreciation for the Little things they do.
You are starting your day right with a genuine compliment about something you admire about your partner (their appearance, personality, or accomplishments). Acknowledge and show appreciation to your partner for the small gestures and everyday acts of kindness that your partner does to keep the fire burning. Things like picking up groceries on the way home from work or cooking dinner one night make a difference.
"Relationships are built on love, trust, and mutual appreciation. Making your partner feel special daily is vital to maintaining a robust and healthy relationship.
Ditch your Devices and Give them your Undivided Attention.
Give your undivided attention to your partner by putting away your devices, staying off the cell phone, and being genuinely interested in doing something together. Activities that foster closeness, like watching their favorite movie, snuggling together on the couch when reading, or just asking about their day, will deepen your relationship.
Try to improve your Bad Habits.
Improve as a partner by putting forth some effort to get out of bad habits and avoid arguments, such as picking up after yourself or cleaning up the kitchen after cooking. Ask how you could be a better partner and put your love into action to show you value your partner's concerns and needs.
Give them Frequent Compliments.
When you tell your partner things like you think they look beautiful, you serve as your beloved's best mirror. Just as you need to feel desired and wanted, so does your partner.When you verbalize their best qualities, you affirm them and remind yourself why you married them.
Do Small Acts of Kindness.
Little gestures that improve your partner's life show how much you care. Whether you make your partner a lunch for work, pick up dinner for them on the way home, or place a quick call to help them schedule an appointment. Many kinds of actions non-verbally reflect your investment in the relationship. These simple gestures are a friendly reminder you are in their corner.
Be your Partner's Best Friend and biggest Cheerleader.
Constant criticism and negativity are relationship killers. Encourage and support your partner in their endeavors. Compliment them in front of your family, and tell them how proud you are. Try to stand up for your partner when someone puts them down, and always be on and by their side through the rough times of life.
Spend Time With them.
Time together is essential; even if you're just couch surfing. There is no substitute. If they're watching sports, cuddle next to them to release the feel-good hormones. When they're washing the car, grab a sponge and help, bring them a cold drink, or stand nearby and chat while scrubbing. It is nice just to be close together. Getting active together is one of the things you can do to make your marriage happier.
Tell them "I Love You" often.
You can never express the three words "I Love You" enough, and no one gets tired of hearing them. Say these heartfelt words meaningfully while giving your partner your full attention. Slip in an "I love you" as you wake up, drift off to sleep, and in other aspects of your daily life to help build a better relationship.
Knowing and hearing that your spouse loves and wants you can make your marriage last a lifetime. Be vocal and express how much you love them. Show your partner they are loved and appreciated by regularly telling them how much they mean to you. Be quick to forgive and avoid going to bed angry.
The success of your marriage hinges on learning to practice these behaviors to achieve stability and repair any damages. If you need helpful advice and solutions on how to deal with them, considerMarriage in a Box.
Marriage In a Box is a great resource that gives you access to the simple tools, techniques, and solutions that professional marriage counselors use for typical relationship issues. Marriage coaching is also available on the site. You can set goals and earn rewards. Feel free to check out the available kit and sources of information online.
Everyone experiences major life changes at some point in their lives. Whether you’re starting a new career, ending a relationship, or simply figuring out your next steps after a stressful event, navigating significant transitions can be stressful. However, with the right strategies and adequate support, you can take these major life changes in stride. Here are some tips for navigating major life changes smoothly, from the experts at Marriage In A Box.
Let Off Some Steam
Sometimes, when going through big changes, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed with pent-up emotions, so it’s important to find healthy ways to let off steam. Exercise is great for managing anxiety, as well as creative pursuits like writing or painting, if that helps you process emotions more effectively. You can also talk with friends and family members who are supportive of your transition if you need emotional support during this time.
Relax
Relaxation techniques are essential for making it through a major life change with ease. Use deep breathing exercises or mindfulness meditation when you feel stressed or anxious. You can also practice progressive muscle relaxation by tensing and releasing each muscle group in your body one by one. These techniques will help you stay grounded during times of stress so that you can think more clearly.
Stay Positive
It can be tempting to focus on the difficult parts of a major life change, but staying optimistic is essential for navigating transitions smoothly. Remind yourself of the positive aspects of this new situation, such as potential growth opportunities that come with taking on something new or the sense of accomplishment that comes from completing a challenging task. Staying focused on what excites you about this change will give you the motivation to keep going even when things get tough.
Try a New Hobby
Making time for hobbies is an effective way to relax and recharge. You might look for one that allows you to spend time outdoors, such as hiking, biking, or gardening. Gardening is especially beneficial because studies have shown that spending time outdoors increases mental well-being, reduces stress levels, and improves mood. Not only that, gardening itself requires patience and dedication, which can prove helpful during major transitions. Take a look at https://homegardenhero.com/ for expert tips on starting a garden and reviews of the products you'll need.
Re-Evaluate Your Goals
When making any kind of big life change, it’s important to set achievable goals for yourself so that you don’t become overwhelmed by the process. Break down your goals into smaller tasks so that they seem less intimidating. This will also help you keep track of your progress. Don't give up if your initial attempts don't go as expected. Instead, view each difficulty as a chance to gain new knowledge that may help you in the future.
Contemplate a Career Change
If changing careers is on the menu, consider using an online resume builder to create a stunning, impressive document that will highlight your skills and accomplishments. This tool lets you customize professional-looking templates, so you don't have to build your own from scratch. Not only that, you can save massively by using a resume generator, both in terms of time and money.
Making it through major life changes doesn't have to be such a difficult challenge — there are always ways in which you can make transitions manageable. With these guidelines, anyone can traverse any potentially thorny terrain without stress. Whether you want to make a career change, focus on your mental health with a hobby like gardening, or learn to set more realistic goals, remember that you can take charge of your own path.
Welcoming a child into the world is something you will never ever forget. What makes this even more special is sharing this journey with your partner as you provide each other with love and support along the way. Here's how to make sure you make time for each other during this special phase of life.
If you are the parents of a newborn and are finding it challenging to balance parenthood and your marriage, visit Marriage In A Box for customized relationship plans that will help you and your partner see eye to eye.
Share duties
Sharing the responsibilities of caring for a new baby will help you stay cool, calm, and collected as you tend to your newborn around the clock. Making sure you each handle a portion of diaper duty, cooking dinner, or washing laundry can also give you the time you need as an individual to take time out when you need to.
Go to bed early
As tempting as it is to want to maximize your day and make the most of it as you savor those sweet newborn moments, making sure you go to bed at an acceptable hour should ensure you feel well-rested the next day. If you are getting up multiple times during the night to feed the baby, then those extra minutes of precious sleep will make a world of difference in those first few months of sleep deprivation.
Also, if you are putting your newborn to sleep at a relatively early hour, this will allow you and your partner the time to catch up and spend time with each other before the day is done. Spending time with one another, even if it's just watching a movie or having a romantic dinner at home, will help keep the spark alive. Wearing something flirty and fun to bed at night should help too. A nightgown that also functions as a nursing gown is sure to help with spontaneous feeds during the night as well.
Keep things in perspective
As joyous as this time is with your precious bundle of love, it can also be a physically, mentally, and emotionally demanding time in one's life, which, if left unchecked, can lead to feelings of depression and anxiety if you are left feeling overwhelmed most of the time. This is where keeping things in perspective will help you get through this phase. Remembering that your newborn will be oh so little for a very short period of time should encourage you to make the most of every moment with your baby as well as your partner so you can look back on this time with loving memories.
Working from home and caring for a newborn
Caring for a newborn is hard enough; if you work from home, this can be even more of a challenge if there is little separation between home and work life. To ensure you get the rest and rejuvenation you need, taking breaks, even if it's just for half an hour, can give you the mental and physical break your body needs to make it through a tiring day — and an even more tiring night. This is where having a partner available and on standby to assist you when you need to step out for a bit can be the saving grace you need not experience total burnout. Alternatively, you can get additional help from a trusted au pair or babysitter to watch over your child while you work.
Remember — don't feel guilty about taking time for yourself, and as a couple — you're going to need it to help you be an even better parent and partner to your new family.
Author bio:
Leslie Campos is the creator of wellparents.com, an online resource for busy parents who want to make their health a priority. With tips, tools, and resources to meet the needs of both body and mind, Leslie's site provides practical guidance on how to live a healthier life without sacrificing quality time with family. From nutrition advice to stress-management techniques, wellparents.com aims to support exhausted parents from around the world as they strive for greater well-being.
Even the healthiest of happy couples argue and sometimes fight despite the hard work put into their relationship. People with the most loving intentions are human, won't always handle relationship conflict well, and mess up sometimes. We occasionally cause harm to our partners and wound them with words requiring a sincere apology and a do-over. It can be seen as a well-learned lesson to do better moving forward. Overall, saying sorry in a relationship indicates that you want to get along and continue with the other person. Apologizing shows that you are upset about making them feel disrespected or hurt. It's important to say you are sorry in a marriage.
Five Steps to Say You're Sorry to Your Spouse
1. Own your mistake and Take Responsibility for Your Actions.
When you've broken a rule of social conduct, apologizing can re-establish that you know the "rules" and should uphold them, making others feel safe.
Apologizing shows the injured party that you know the incident was your fault and can help them feel better and save face and dignity.
Apologizing gets people talking again, makes people feel comfortable with each other, and conveys the value you place on the relationship.
A sincere apology allows you to mend trust with people and lets them know you're not proud of what you did and are generally careful not to hurt others. It pulls the focus on your virtues, not your mistakes.
2. Remember to pay attention to your mistakes. Acknowledge Their Feelings.
Don't ignore or make light of the situation, but respect your partner's feelings and show empathy. They only want to be understood, accepted for their feelings, and cared for by you. Taking responsibility for the hurtful things you said or did and being sincere in your apology will go a long way. Own up to precisely what you did wrong and identify it.
It's necessary to follow through with actions that reflect why you apologize. Be patient, showing you're sorry can take time. You may find it hard not to become defensive when your partner expresses discontent with something you did or said. Continue to show that you learned from the incident and are taking steps to prevent the same thing from happening repeatedly.
Put yourself in your partner's shoes and be flexible with how you think about the situation. Your partner will need your empathy to work through the conflict so that it doesn't linger and be detrimental to your relationship.
3. Repair the Damage & Mend Trust
Apologizing shows that you value your union. It can help heal by getting people to talk and be at ease again. A sincere apology lets your partner know you're not proud of what you did and do not want to repeat the behavior. An apology can let people know you don't like to hurt others and put the focus on your virtues rather than on your mistakes.
4. State You Will Do Better and Look to make Changes.
If you want to do better and save your relationship:
Start by saying sorry and showing remorse, specifically by admitting to the wrong sincerely.
Avoid excuses for your words and actions, and let the person know you recognize the results of your actions.
Empathize with what they are going through due to what you said or did.
Make an effort to repair the relationship and offer strategies to make things right, or ask if there's anything you can do.
Seek ways to repair and restore the relationship and demonstrate that it won't happen again. Try to emphasize that no one is perfect and we all fail, but we can change and stop repeating mistakes. For example, promise to manage time better if you're always late.
5. Let It Go and Begin Again
When issues are overlooked they can accumulate and cause resentment. So it's a good practice to let go of minor slights and big wounds as they happen so that you can begin again without the baggage. Begin again" rituals are helpful such as a mindful apology, a hug, a kiss, or a high-five, then taking active steps to improve in that area.This is a reliable way to turn lemons into lemonade.
People in relationships are human and will need to apologize for their missteps at times in relationships. So it is crucial to be willing to say sorry and make changes quickly to save your marriage. If you need helpful advice and solutions on how to deal with these times, consider Marriage in a Box.
Marriage In a Box is a great resource that gives you access to the simple tools, techniques, and solutions that professional marriage counselors use for typical relationship issues. Marriage coaching is also available on the site. You can set goals and earn rewards. Feel free to check out the available kit and sources of information online.
There are healthy communication habits that build up a relationship and those that are unhealthy and can tear down a relationship. Research has shown that when couples utilize criticism, defensiveness, dishonesty, stonewalling, and contempt during difficult moments, they will turn toward each other less and grow distant, and the likelihood of divorce increases. Constant put-downs are a form of emotional abuse and can cause self-esteem problems with those on the receiving end and destroy relationships. This article will discuss these five toxic behaviors and their antidotes.
Criticism
Negative criticism is very toxic to relationships and can feel like an attack. It has the effect of tearing down rather than building up, affecting self-esteem, and causing stress, anger, and resentment. When someone experiences an attack, the hurt causes an escalation of negative feelings and behaviors and may compel retaliation. A complaint focuses on the problem, while a criticism focuses on character trait flaws. Criticism uses the words "always" or "never" to describe something your partner does or doesn't do. Criticism is different from a complaint. Complaints are a normal and healthy aspect of a relationship and are a way to bring problems to light. A complaint focuses on the issue, and criticism sees the partner's character, personality, or looks at the problem.
Antidote: Bring up the same topic gently, which is a better way to resolve it.
A gentle startup sounds like this:
Expressing what you noticed.
Sharing your feelings.
Stating your need.
For example:
"When I come home from work and see dirty dishes piled in the sink (what you noticed), I feel tired and frustrated (sharing your feelings). I need to walk into a peaceful environment.”
Contempt
Contempt is the most dangerous of all behaviors because it undermines all reconciling efforts. At a minimum, it is very mean and becomes emotional abuse. It is a significant indicator of divorce. Contempt is supercharged criticism because it takes on a position of superiority, and the interaction becomes uncaring, demeaning, and affectionless. When people have contempt, they can be cynical and express their discontent using shame and mean-spirited sarcasm to put someone down. Some examples of complaint vs. criticism vs. contempt are:
Complaint: It is frustrating to walk into a sink full of dishes when I'm tired after working all day."
Criticism: You always leave the dishes in the sink because you don't care.
Contempt: I don't know why I would expect you to clean up the dishes; you're lazy, just like your family.
Antidote: Regularly express appreciation, gratitude, affection, and respect in your relationship.
Defensiveness
Defensiveness occurs when someone regularly receives criticism and contempt to try and protect themselves. A defensive person is uncomfortable admitting mistakes and shortcomings and may become rigid about their stand. They may turn around to become critical and contemptuous of their partner (give back as they get), or they may try to make excuses for their mistakes to downplay them. The argument is then deflected by changing the topic to the partner's shortcomings and becomes a cycle of never addressed accusations.
Antidote: Take responsibility, even if only for part of the conflict, and try to reach a solution.
Dishonesty
Being lied to repeatedly is a red flag that can make it difficult to trust and build a solid foundation in a relationship. Honesty regarding spending, internet or other relationships, and substance use can create cracks in a marriage. Fostering secrecy regarding these issues can create secret lives that keep our partners out.
Lack of emotional honesty involves withholding, denying, or lying about how we feel about our partner, marriage, or ourselves. It is best to be upfront and honest with our partners rather than cover up how we feel.
Antidote: The antidote is to be honest with ourselves and others.
Withdrawal or Stonewalling
Stonewalling is when someone in the conversation shuts down, goes silent, blocks, and refuses to acknowledge the other person. With stonewalling, it seems like their partner doesn't care about them. The person who uses stonewalling is likely in a state of fight or flight. Stress hormones are then released when the body detects a threat. In conflict, sometimes our bodies will see it as any other threat and release stress hormones, and we will experience a racing heart. The parts of our brain responsible for relational behaviors like problem-solving, humor, and affection shut down.
Antidote: It is impossible to have a productive conversation when someone is in a stress response, so both people in the exchange need to agree to take a break and self-soothe.
Use deep breathing.
Take a walk or exercise.
Relaxing activities, such as reading, painting, etc.
Stress hormones will take about twenty minutes to clear out of the bloodstream, and after taking a break, return to the conversation when calm. This return builds trust within the relationship.
Most people will use these negative behaviors at times in relationships. It is crucial to recognize their use and make repairs quickly to work toward utilizing them less and less. If these behaviors become chronic, they can break down a marriage. If you need helpful advice and solutions on how to deal with them, consider Marriage in a Box.
Marriage In a Box is a great resource that gives you access to the simple tools, techniques, and solutions that professional marriage counselors use for typical relationship issues. Marriage coaching is also available on the site. You can set goals and earn rewards. Feel free to check out the available kit and sources of information.
While working and motherhood seem on opposite ends of the spectrum, it is possible to do both effectively and up to the standards you desire if you know what to do.
Set up a quiet office space
Working from home is not always the quietest or most private solution to working remotely. However, you can make this arrangement work in your favor, especially if you have to look after your small children as well. It is also important to have that time of separation from your kids so that you can get your full attention to your work when you need to. Having help on standby will come in handy for this. Otherwise, if you're determined to do it all, then this too is possible if you work around your baby's nap time and your toddler's playtime so that you can complete what you set out to do during the day.
Make sure your time works for you
There are only so many hours in a day and days in a year; it is up to you to figure out how to maximize this time so that you can focus on your baby and your business simultaneously. Of course, as a mom spending as much time with your baby and children is always going to be your number one priority, but then you also need to figure out how to put in that time for work to achieve the level of success you want. Many time management apps can help you stick to dedicated time slots so that you don't run into problems down the line. And by problems, we mean mom guilt - something every mother faces from time to time when their priorities aren't where they should be.
Speaking of making time for those things most important to you, if you have other kids you still have to tend to while caring for a newborn and managing a business, you should try to focus on quality time over quantity. Furthermore, you don't always have to make elaborate gestures to show them that you love them to the moon and back. Making the most of each and every moment with them is what counts, even if you're just spending quality time tucking them into bed at night, letting them help you help them tidy and organize their room, etc.
Making other changes
Perhaps you're working a job that you no longer feel up to working anymore because your priorities have shifted. You may wish to study online in the meantime so that you can work on improving your skills and knowledge while still looking after your family. There are many different degrees available online. That said, if you are studying for a business-related degree, you can also take advantage of improving your knowledge in subjects such as accounting, communication, and business management, which you are likely to end up applying if you start your own business.
Remember to take time out for yourself
It is equally important to pay attention to your mental health if you want to excel as a mom and a business owner. Also, know that it is okay to step away from your responsibilities for a bit while you focus on doing activities that lift your soul. Leaning on the assistance of your partner or a family member can help you take that break every once in a while.
Taking care of your family is and should be a joy; managing a business from home is a privilege. So let us take this thought and run with it while doing the best we can with what we have to make our days a success.
Visit the Marriage In A Box website for communication techniques that help you overcome common issues facing many married couples today.
The winter holiday season is upon us, which usually means that our households are busy decorating, buying gifts, going to holiday parties, baking, and working to pay for everything. It's easy to lose control of your time and miss out on what is truly important: your mindfulness and presence for your loved ones.
It must become a priority to give loved ones the attention they desire during the holidays when both work and social demands are contending for your time. Make a pact that this holiday will be different from past years. Time is something we cannot get back, so cherish these moments with your children, aging parents, and grandparents and reconnect. Creating lasting memories and a sense of connection is fun and good for your overall health and wellness.
Prepare for the Holidays together.
There is a desire to feel needed and useful among all age groups. Explore ways to engage the younger and older family members with holiday tasks like decorating, baking goodies, or even sending out holiday cards. You can receive much-needed help this way and check items off your list while creating warm connections.
Help everyone connect and feel included.
Games are a great icebreaker and help people gather, interact and share fun regardless of age. Playing games provides opportunities to share laughs and memories from the past. Some activity ideas include having your children ask your parents about their childhood, how they met their spouse, and what you were like as a child. Other ideas may be looking through old photo albums and sharing stories. These ordinary things have the most extraordinary power to make life full of magical moments that make lasting impressions.
Limit Technology Use.
Try hard this year for quality time, be fully mindful, and be present in the moments by limiting distractions. It is hard to make eye contact and connect with the people around us during the holidays when constantly glued to our smartphones, tablets, and computers. Parents can expect their children to disconnect from their devices if they are willing to unplug. Setting aside time daily to power down your devices and focus on family activities can impact family engagement and reconnection. It doesn't matter if the presents aren't perfectly wrapped or the turkey is a little overcooked. What matters is that you slow things down and focus on enjoying the everyday moments before they're gone.
Do Something Kind for Someone Else.
Look for ways to reach out and support others during the holidays. There are many ways to get the family involved in volunteering at church, in the community, or helping out neighbors. These are good values to impart to our children, and parents and kids will benefit if these activities become a regular part of the family routine. Instead of objecting to comments you disagree with and heading for arguments, try to find opportunities to offer a compliment or kind word, or lend a hand with a task.
Take Time to Unwind from Holiday Events.
This time of year can be stressful and busy. Instead of taking a break, we fill our time with more activity, obligations, and opportunities to encounter the edges of our capacity. Know when to slow down and say no, to add to your self-care during the holidays. This way, you can enjoy this holiday season. Pace yourself and remember to pause throughout the day and breathe in the moment.
Please pass up some of the invitations this year during the holidays. If you're hosting, consider a holiday potluck and allow folks to share a meaningful recipe. You can then enjoy their company instead of stressing over food preparation. For many reasons, holidays can also be tremendously anxious or painful. You may want this holiday to feel "normal," but maybe you can try to embrace how it has changed. Consider skipping certain events or limiting your interactions with others to avoid activities or situations that intensify difficult emotions for you.
Spend some Alone Time with your Spouse.
The Holidays are a time to be exceptionally compassionate with yourself and your partner when under stress. Remember that people generally do their best, and showing appreciation and attention can go a long way in maintaining connection even when stressed by the holidays. To keep your relationship strong, carve out time for yourself and one another. Keep it simple, like enjoying a glass of wine together, walking around your neighborhood to see the holiday lights, or watching your favorite Christmas movie. Finding ways to connect when busy or under stress can significantly prevent minor problems from getting bigger.
If you're having difficulty getting through the Holidays while maintaining a peaceful relationship with your spouse and family members, seeking outside support may offer extra help through the season.
Marriage In a Box is a great resource that gives you access to the simple tools, techniques, and solutions that professional marriage counselors use for typical relationship issues. Marriage coaching is also available on the site. You can set goals and earn rewards. Feel free to check out the available kit and sources of information online.
The holidays can be both a happy and stressful time of the year. With all the preparation activities like shopping, decorating, attending parties, and other holiday events. The holidays can be emotionally stressful for various reasons. Holidays trigger a lot of different emotions, both happy and sad. There can be happy childhood memories, and also losses.
This article examines potential barriers to a pleasant and stress-free holiday and the topics and instances that often lead to the most stress and arguments during the season.
Seven Things couples argue about during the Holiday season.
1. Money
Increased spending can put a strain on things. Money is one of the number one causes of arguments during the holidays, and spending as a couple during the holidays can spur many issues and trigger debates.
2. The “Ex” Factor
Memories of exes or the stress of dealing with them and juggling visitation times during the holidays can intrude on the joy of holidays.
3. Childcare and Discipline
Sometimes, extended family members may judge your parenting style or try to discipline your child in a way you disagree with. It's essential to plan to avoid an adverse reaction, like pulling that family member aside to have a private conversation with them. Ask each other for support and be a team to set healthy boundaries and avoid tension because of toxic family behaviors.
4. Where to Spend the Holidays
Another of the most common arguments during the holidays is where you will spend them. Start discussing your holiday plans early, and agree to a little compromise regarding where you will spend your holidays.
Consider both sets of family and friends, especially if one of you lives far away from your family. Friends, family, or just each other.
5. Which Holiday Parties and Events to Attend
A common argument for couples during the holidays can be due to unvoiced expectations. If one of you wants alone time and the other plans a party with all your closest friends, that can lead to an argument. The situation is easy to avoid through communication and planning to agree on what activities you will or won't attend.
6. Following Family Traditions
The holiday season involves multi-generational Family traditions. High expectations for these traditions to be carried out can spark squabbles when things change. Family traditions can bring joy to the family and create memories.
7. Cleaning and Chores
If you're hosting, you'll need to do a deep cleaning and decorating before the festivities commence. Other tasks will involve meal planning and preparation. Shopping for gifts and wrapping them and preparing for possible guests.
Tips on Avoiding Holiday Arguments Before They Start.
Set Spending Limits and Budget Gift-Giving.
You and your partner should agree on a spending budget. Money is another tricky topic within families. The idea of gifts and how much to spend can be challenging, especially during the holiday season. In some families, gift-giving is their way to express love. Communicate Expectations Before the Holiday Events Begin.
Talk to your Partner if Feeling Neglected.
With a to-do list that seems endless, the holidays can make you feel super stressed and neglected. After all, if you're taking everything on your shoulders to complete all the tasks, you will need to talk to your partner and family to ask for help and self-care time. You can find some downtime together to snuggle on the couch with a warm cocoa mug and listen to holiday music.
Work with your partner to decide where to spend the Holidays.
Sit down with a Calendar and Plan the events and activities you'll attend together so that your time can be shared with family and balanced adequately for your own time. You may need to plan for guests or travel, which goes more smoothly with planning.
Learn to Compromise on Family Traditions.
Instead of focusing on the family tradition, try focusing on what's important: spending time together. The purpose of having a tradition is to create memories with your family which will last forever. One strategy is to have each family member make a list of the rituals they enjoyed as a child and rank them in order from 1-10 to celebrate that year, but if your top picks conflict, you can switch off yearly, so everyone is happy.
Decide in advance who will discipline children at holiday functions.
Explain to children the rules at Holiday gatherings and the consequences for breaking the rules. Talk with the other adults about taking turns supervising the kids. Ask each other for support and be a team to set healthy boundaries and avoid tension because of toxic family behaviors.
Share the load during the holidays.
Try to figure out what needs to be done and ask for help. Encourage potluck involvement and try to save some tasks for after your guests leave so you are not stuck in the kitchen cleaning the whole time on Christmas or New Years’ day. Assign age-appropriate tasks to your team (i.e., your family), so you can do them with others. Try splitting your shopping list and chores with your significant other. Encourage your older children to help where possible.
Make time for self-care and deal with all the Holidays may bring.
Some tools for grief and self-care like journaling feelings, daily gratitude, regular exercise, getting enough sleep and sharing your thoughts with someone you trust. Take time out from the preparations to relax and focus on fun and joyful, comforting things.
If you're having difficulty getting through the Holidays while maintaining a peaceful relationship with your spouse, seeking outside support can help you make it through this season.
Marriage In a Box is a great resource that gives you access to the simple tools, techniques, and solutions that professional marriage counselors use for typical relationship issues. Marriage coaching is also available on the site. You can set goals and earn rewards. Feel free to check out the available kit and sources of information online.
Long-term solutions to the most common relationship struggles.
