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Ways to Build a Healthy Marriage

The best way to prevent an affair is to build a healthy marriage. Couples with a healthy marriage feel strong in their love and aren’t swayed by another man or woman’s advances. They are committed to each other and doing what it takes to keep their marriage strong. How do you build a marriage like that?

Drop old grievances.
We all have scars and damage from earlier times in our lives and marriage, but don't use an old fight as a weapon in a new one. It's unfair to throw unresolved issues at one another.  Avoid hot button issues that you've already discussed until you can calmly sit down and talk through them. If you're still having trouble letting it go of them, consider journaling or talking to a counselor to prevent these grievances from undermining your marriage.

Fight fair.
Avoid attacking your partner personally or accusing your spouse when you’re angry and irrational during a particularly bad argument. Call "take it back" whenever either of you says something you don't truly mean. Remind your spouse that you love them and stay focused on finding a solution, which opens the door for a compromise. You both need to know when to apologize.

Know when to listen.
Sometimes, you or your partner just need to vent and spill out all the frustrations of the day. Since your partner loves you and wants you to feel better, they might offer suggestions that can produce the opposite effect intended.  Don’t turn your stress into an argument with them. Listen and thank them for their suggestions.

Get along with each other’s families.

You may not love them, but you need to make the effort to at least be cordial, forgive as much as you can and start fresh with them as a member of the family. If you keep giving your husband or wife a hard time because of a rude comment your mother-in-law made, then he or she will continue to become angry at you and deepen the cracks in your marriage.

Touch as often as possible.
Hold hands. Touch your husband or wife on the arm when you’re both making your morning coffee. Place your hand on his or her cheek when they kiss you good night. These little points of contact are love "marks" that stay with you and them throughout the day. The physical contact keeps you feeling adored by each other. 

Speak kindly of each other.
If you open up to your friends or family members about a fight you had with your spouse, they may not forgive him, even if you have. It's a betrayal to trash-talk your spouse to others. Your personal issues need to stay personal.  Family and friends love it when you talk up his or her awesomeness. Everyone likes to see a happy marriage.

Have fun and a sense of humor

Even when life is stressful, express your playful and silly side by agreeing to participate in sports, video games, exercise, or other spirited activities. Showing this side of your personality reminds your spouse how much fun you are. Even if you're the worst baseball player ever, laugh at your lack of skill (instead of getting angry), so he laughs with you and sees you as adorable.

Communicate clearly about your needs.

Sometimes we all need some time to sit and unwind. Be open and honest whenever you need some alone time, whether it's 15 minutes or an hour, and vice versa. Likewise, don’t expect your spouse to read your mind. If you want something, you need to be direct and let them know, “ I want more intimate time with you.” Openness and honesty is the best way to build a strong, healthy marriage.

Posted 2/23/2022

Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage

Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage

Are you bored with your marriage? Does your marriage feel stale? How in the world does that happen? After a few years of marriage, couples settle into a routine. If both spouses work, they put in long days at work, run an errand or two on the way home, make dinner together, and relax a little before bed. Once children come along, work, chores, kid’s activities, errands etc. seem to consume all energy and sex doesn’t happen much anymore. Before you know it, you are stuck in a passionless marriage.

When a couple loses their passion, they tend to replace it with something else. Criticism and fighting, lack of interest in each other, or becoming married roommates. If you don’t want your marriage to become another divorce statistic, you need to find a way to build emotional intimacy and closeness again. It’s time to fan the flames of passion in your marriage.

Reconnect Emotionally

Partners that have been turning away from each other need to start turning back toward each other. Start taking an interest in what your partner is doing, what makes them happy, what they like to talk about, and what turns them on. Begin with a conversation. You need to address the elephant in the room.

“Honey, I love you and I believe you love me too. However, we don’t seem to cuddle or tease or have sex anymore and I want to understand how we can change that.”

You don’t lash out at your partner and start telling them what is wrong and what they need to do. That just pushes them further away. By reassuring your partner of your love and desire for them, you are drawing them into the conversation and asking for their help in solving the problem.

Reignite the Spark

Remember when you were dating and couldn’t wait to be alone so you could start holding hands, hugging, kissing, cuddling, and you can take it from there. Try to recreate that sexual attraction. Take every opportunity to touch, hold hands, hug, and cuddle. Use those little signals that used to drive ho or her wild link a sexy wink, or a wry smile, lock eyes, linger in the kitchen over doing the dishes and lock fingers in the soapy water. Playful physical affection often reignites the spark.

Get Your Sexy On

When was the last time you flirted with him or her? Well start it up again! Everyone wants to feel like they are desirable to their partner. Find a flirty, sexy song on YouTube and email him or her the link. Write a little naught note and stick it in his wallet or her purse. Give your partner a long, lingering kiss goodbye for work in the morning. Sweep your spouse up in your arms when you get home from work at night.

Carve out time to spend ALONE with your partner

Get up a little early in the morning and meet in the shower for a soapy interlude. Meet for an intimate lunch. Put the kids to bed early, turn off the TV and put on some soft music to cuddle to with a glass of wine. Hire a babysitter or take the kids to Grandma’s and go enjoy a night out together. The important thing is to make time for each other to talk, share your hopes and dreams, romance your partner, and focus on US.

Revisit Your Sexual Relationship

Initiate affectionate touching such as a backrub, then a massage. Ask your partner what they like during foreplay and take your time building the tension and anticipation. Let yourself be vulnerable and encourage your partner to do the same by sharing your desires and fantasies.

Keep the Passion and Intimacy Alive

Never stop planning time for each other and time for intimate sex. Take every opportunity you can to take turns initiating sex. Experiment with ways to bring each other pleasure and get to know each other on a more intimate level.  The greater your emotional intimacy is, the deeper your marital bond will be.

Posted 2/17/2022

10 Health Habits of Happily Married Couples

10 Health Habits of Happily Married Couples

Did you know that the divorce rate is highest in January? Too often couples think it’s the holidays, big events, and vacations that make marriage work. It is not the big events, special occasions, or vacations that make a relationship strong or happy. Those things are fleeting. When the holidays or special events are over, you get back from the get-away, and things fall back into the same ole routine. Soon frustration sets in and the marriage begins to deteriorate……again.

If you leave you the dishes in the sink every day, the kitchen will begin to smell. Don’t mow the lawn or weed the yard for a month and you’ll soon see grass and weeds taking over your yard. To keep anything in strong working order requires maintenance. The same is true of your marriage relationship. Here are 10 healthy habits of happily married couples that will change your relationship…permanently.

  1. Talking is giving each other your undivided attention and being truly interested in what your spouse has to say. It’s not about the information; it’s about the connection.
  2. Kisses are sometimes more revealing than words. A kiss has a familiarity, an intimacy, and a connection that says, “you are my love.”
  3. Compliments are the flirtations of married couples. They let you know you are still attractive to your spouse. They let you know you are appreciated by your spouse.
  4. When we share intimacy with someone, when we tell them secrets, share values and passions with them, we connect on a deeper level. We “know them.”
  5. When you sweat together, there is an animal magnetism that is released. The exertion releases adrenalin that energizes you both.
  6. When you do things that you both enjoy together, you relax, enjoy each other’s company, and bond from a simple sharing of life.
  7. Work Together. When you work on projects or home chores or errands together, you learn to value each other more. The shared purpose and comradery can build an emotional connection.
  8. Touch often. When you have a headache, rubbing your temples can ease the pain. A backache is often relieved with a muscle massage. Touch has a relaxing, healing affect that belies trust. So, hold hands, gently touch your spouse’s face or arm.
  9. Laughter can diffuse tension, soothe arguments, fill an awkward silence. When you can laugh with your spouse, you can approach difficult situations from a better angle. Laughter is the best medicine.
  10. Show them you Care. Caring means letting someone know that you see them and value them. Say hello in the morning and give them a hug to let them know you want their presence. Say goodbye and wave when they leave to let them know you will miss them.

Start building these health habits unto your marriage daily and watch the positive changes in your relationship flourish.

Posted 1/5/2022

Build A Deep Friendship With Your Spouse

If you analyze long-lasting, happy marriages, you will see a solid friendship at the root of each one.  While a marriage is much more than a friendship, the characteristics that we look for in a friend are what we hope to find with our marital partners. Research has shown that couples that have a great friendship have a higher percentage overall of marital satisfaction.

When I call my best friend to talk, we are sharing our life, thoughts, and feelings with each other. We treat each other with respect and support each other through good and bad times. Friends look forward to spending time together and genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

A marital friendship is a deeper connection. The emotional connection that married couples share can be five times more important than their physical intimacy. Building friendship in your marriage can build emotional and physical intimacy. Deep marital friendship allows you to trust and feel safe with one another.

Building and growing a deep friendship in your marriage will take time, patience, and work. Here are a few skills that will help build that friendship.

Commitment: The marriage vows of “for better or worse” are literal. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. This person shouldn’t just know you, accept you, and laugh at your jokes. They are obligated to you financially, legally, and personally.

You are committed to the life you are building together. That means supporting each other emotionally, physically, and financially.

Commonality: Find common interests that you can both become engaged in. Learn to play a sport together like golf or tennis. Take a cooking or gardening class. Take up exercise or hiking. The point is to create some common ground that will keep you connected.

Communication: Establish time each day to spend time together talking and sharing. Our lives get busy, and we sometimes neglect each other. Every marriage needs “connect time” to check in with each other and see how things are going. Communication builds a friendship that will help you weather the bad times.

Interest: Take an interest in the things your spouse is interested in. You need to make the effort to join your spouse in some of their interests. Go to a sporting event together, spend time talking about their latest interests.

Respect: Remember that your spouse is human and appreciate them for who they are and what they do. Treat each other equally and be considerate.

Support: Be each other’s biggest fan. Celebrate each other’s successes and forgiving of each other’s failures. Lean on each other in bad times.

Togetherness: Choose to spend your free time together. If you spend all your free time doing things with other people or pursuing individual interests, you can slowly drift away for your spouse. Plan time together to have fun and stay connected.

Trust: Always be transparent with your spouse. Be honest, even when you mess up.

Building a friendship takes a lot of work. You don’t develop a strong friendship overnight. It is a gradual relationship that is cultivating by spending time together, sharing, supporting, and taking an interest in each other’s lives.

Posted 7/21/2021

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