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Build A Deep Friendship With Your Spouse

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If you analyze long-lasting, happy marriages, you will see a solid friendship at the root of each one.  While a marriage is much more than a friendship, the characteristics that we look for in a friend are what we hope to find with our marital partners. Research has shown that couples that have a great friendship have a higher percentage overall of marital satisfaction.

When I call my best friend to talk, we are sharing our life, thoughts, and feelings with each other. We treat each other with respect and support each other through good and bad times. Friends look forward to spending time together and genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

A marital friendship is a deeper connection. The emotional connection that married couples share can be five times more important than their physical intimacy. Building friendship in your marriage can build emotional and physical intimacy. Deep marital friendship allows you to trust and feel safe with one another.

Building and growing a deep friendship in your marriage will take time, patience, and work. Here are a few skills that will help build that friendship.

Commitment: The marriage vows of “for better or worse” are literal. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. This person shouldn’t just know you, accept you, and laugh at your jokes. They are obligated to you financially, legally, and personally.

You are committed to the life you are building together. That means supporting each other emotionally, physically, and financially.

Commonality: Find common interests that you can both become engaged in. Learn to play a sport together like golf or tennis. Take a cooking or gardening class. Take up exercise or hiking. The point is to create some common ground that will keep you connected.

Communication: Establish time each day to spend time together talking and sharing. Our lives get busy, and we sometimes neglect each other. Every marriage needs “connect time” to check in with each other and see how things are going. Communication builds a friendship that will help you weather the bad times.

Interest: Take an interest in the things your spouse is interested in. You need to make the effort to join your spouse in some of their interests. Go to a sporting event together, spend time talking about their latest interests.

Respect: Remember that your spouse is human and appreciate them for who they are and what they do. Treat each other equally and be considerate.

Support: Be each other’s biggest fan. Celebrate each other’s successes and forgiving of each other’s failures. Lean on each other in bad times.

Togetherness: Choose to spend your free time together. If you spend all your free time doing things with other people or pursuing individual interests, you can slowly drift away for your spouse. Plan time together to have fun and stay connected.

Trust: Always be transparent with your spouse. Be honest, even when you mess up.

Building a friendship takes a lot of work. You don’t develop a strong friendship overnight. It is a gradual relationship that is cultivating by spending time together, sharing, supporting, and taking an interest in each other’s lives.

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