Spice Up A Stale Sex Life
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It was only about a hundred years ago that people married for a specific purpose such as to fulfill a financial arrangement, political alliance, social expectation or to procreate. I was not about emotion. However, in this century, marriage is based on passion, happiness, and fulfillment. Despite the change, many married couples are currently living sexually unfulfilling lives, In a recent survey conducted regarding couple’s sex lives, 46% of the couples surveyed stated that their sex life had flatlined.
Many modern couples see their sex life crowded out by the relentless demands of children, work pressures, not enough time alone -- and just not enough time. Allowing your physical relationship to fall to the bottom of a frantic "to-do list," experts say, can lead to dissatisfaction, loneliness, separation, and even divorce.
Sex is a powerful tie that binds and a pleasurable act for both partners. It should be an intimate connection to your partner that makes you feel alive and valued. It defines their relationship physically, emotionally and spiritually.
What can you do to get that spark back?
Focus your communication on what you want in bed
Many couples find it difficult to talk to each other about sensitive topics, so years go by with both of them skirting around issues until something breaks and the bitterness spills out.
Communicate well with your partner is essential. Think about what has aroused you in the past or about the things you wish your husband would do when the two of you are under the covers. Do you hear yourself thinking, "I wish he'd touch my neck or breasts?" If so, fill him in the next time you are getting snuggly. Don’t be too embarrassed to speak up about what you don’t like. Faking it encourages your partner to keep doing it wrong and cheats you out of being satisfied. Try saying “ I like it when you gently massage and kiss my breasts instead of squeezing them.”
- Sit and talk through your feelings about sex to prevent him/her from feeling rejected or hurt and to gain support.
- Have conversations that discuss what each partner would like from their sex life.
- What one thing, if it were eliminated from your sex life, would improve your sex life?.
Reinstate Daily Touching
Remember when, early in your relationship, just brushing your partner’s hand could send an electrifying spark through you. As the years go by, physical contact can become less and less or more routine. Make it a point to sneak up and hug your partner, hold hands while watching TV, rub your partner’s shoulders after a hard day, etc. Kiss your partner before heading out the door for the day.
As you starting reaching out to each other more, the connection will re-establish, and you will feel more loved and more inclined toward intimacy.
Create the right setting
An excellent sexual approach made appropriately and in a healthy environment has the best prospect of succeeding. Spruce up your room and reduce the clutter so you are not distracted and can focus on other things. Try dressing a little sexy. Put scented or perfumed candles in the room as your sense of smell plays an important part when it comes to sexual arousal. A warm bedroom -- with soft lights, if possible and low music -- makes for a good and healthy sexual environment.
Try something new
Rather than doing the same old things between the sheets, try something a little different and unique. Try new sexual positions or merely change the order of your routine. If you find that you are always too tired for sex before going to sleep, start having sex in the morning.
More foreplay during sex will stimulate orgasms.
Either in a warm bath, using soap or oil, or in a warm bed using lotion to make your hands glide smoothly, massage each others' bodies all over.
People have different attitudes towards sex toys and games, but most are sure to find a few sex aids with which they are comfortable. Aphrodisiacs -- asparagus, oysters, champagne, and chocolates -- may help get you in the mood.
In serious long term relationship, sexual intimacy thrives on the overall connection of the couple. So get busy addressing the issues that are damaging your connection and consciously build positive experiences with each other, and you will boost your sex drive.
Learn more about our Couples Therapy Exercises