Negative talk comes from places of disrespect, anger, fear, resentment and genuine lack of support for one another, rife with insults, judgment and attempts to control one's partner.

Words have power.

Words spoken in a fight that tear at the core of another person's body such as insults about the other partner’s looks, weight or intelligence are never forgotten.

Words have an incredible power to affect how we see and feel about ourselves. While positive words of encouragement can uplift and inspire us, negative words cut to the core and resonate over and over again.

Negative talk can become verbal abuse

Words can linger into the relationship much longer than one anticipates, regardless if there was an apology or not. In the most extreme form, negative talk can become verbal abuse. Verbal abuse can take many forms such as shaming, name-calling, swearing, yelling, the threat of physical violence and constant criticism. It can be overt or used subtly, such as taunting, trivializing, ridicule and giving the silent treatment, but generally the abuse has the same outcome: for the person to get that message that they are being denigrated, belittled and rendered powerless.

There is a difference between abuse and common couple conflict, where couples are screaming at other. An emotionally destructive marriage is one where one’s personhood, dignity, and freedom of choice is regularly denied, criticized, or crushed. It’s characterized by repetitive attitudes and behaviors that result in tearing someone down or inhibiting her growth. If your partner makes you feel scared, frightened and powerless, then it's abuse and time to take action.

How to break the cycle of negative talk

A healthy relationship is characterized by mutual decision making reciprocity, freedom to express opinions, sharing, respect and love. Communication is key here, as it's one of the most vital components of every relationship, romantic or otherwise. It's important for a couple to have an open line of communication and listen to what their partner wants — and what they generally say or voice a complaint about.

• If you have to have a difficult conversation with your partner, try to do so at a time and in a place that "will minimize their potential for disrupting your connection" — not just before it's time to snuggle.
• Show respect by not interrupting your partner and allowing them the time to speak.
• Steer clear of any language that implies blame or judgment.
• Fight fair, which means no name-calling or badmouthing, or minimizing the other person's feelings.

You married each other to be partners in life. That means being there for each other in good times and bad. Build each other up even when one of you fails or makes a mistake. Strive to talk to each other in a loving tone. Practice patience and kindness toward each other. You have a special bond. Act like it.