How to Encourage Your Spouse to Lose Weight
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Everyone’s talking about weight these days. We hear about an obesity epidemic—among adults, among kids. We also hear about all the bad diseases that can come along with being overweight and/or being obese, such as diabetes. The CDC estimates that 60 million Americans over the age of 20 are obese. For adolescents ages 6 to 19, 9 million are overweight. This means there’s a good likelihood that you, your spouse, or your children have a weight problem.
Weight is a real issue and also affects how a person feels about herself or himself. If a person is significantly overweight, that person may find sex both uninteresting and difficult. s/he is likely to feel unattractive and unsexy. You or your spouse may have turned yourselves off to minimize fights. Or you may feel angry about the lack of sex and you may continue to get angrier. You may find that anger emerging or being shoved down. Either way, it’s not good—for you or your partner.
What can you do?
If your partner is overweight, do not criticize her/him. Making jokes or teasing her/him about her/his weight problem will not lead to motivation to become healthy. Instead, it is likely to just make her/him feel worse about the situation. Instead, talk about your concerns and talk about how the two of you can work as a team to get healthy. Discuss strategies such as joining a gym, going for walks together, meeting with a nutritionist, or joining a weight loss support group such as Weight Watchers. Help each other plan healthy meals, assist with shopping and preparing food, and work together to make healthier choices.
Don’t Nag. Nagging rarely yields results. Instead, make positive changes yourself. Almost everyone can benefit from making some more healthy diet changes and start to get exercise. Invite your spouse to go for a walk and try to encourage them to be more active. Discuss your concerns about his health. Facts about obesity are fairly grim. Share your anxiety about his health and the potential for disease and early death. If you don’t get an annual physical, schedule an appointment with your doctor. Encourage your spouse to do the same. S/he should address all medical concerns with the doctor who can refer you to appropriate specialists such as a nutritionist, physical therapist, orthopedic specialist, podiatrist, and so on.
If you have children that are overweight, it is particularly important to take action now. Overweight children are at risk for many of the same health complications as adults and they can experience life-long complications. Talk with your child’s doctor and seek a referral for a nutritionist. Many cities have special programs aimed at helping children lose weight. Work as a team to help make the entire family become healthier.
Be supportive. Be as enthusiastic as you can be for your partner and help plan and cook the required meals. Help your partner with weight-related activities such as going for walks or accompanying her or him to buy special shoes.
Weight is a very personal and emotional issue and you may not be able to talk about it together without help. Marriage in a Box’s system and/or coaching sessions can help you be honest with each other, uncover problems relating to weight and sex, set goals, track progress and celebrate your successes.
Learn more about our Couples Therapy Exercises