Written by Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists, the Marriage in a Box blog shares insights into common relationship struggles, gives ideas for moving beyond the roadblocks, and helps you find your path to happiness – both individually and within your relationship.
Communication involves both speaking and listening. Active Listening is intently listening and responding to another person, which improves mutual understanding. It is an essential first step to diffusing conflict and seeking solutions to problems.
Active Listening is crucial in communication because it keeps you positively engaged with your conversation partner, making the other person feel valued and understood. This skill is foundational for a marriage or successful conversation in any setting, whether at work, home, or socially. When you practice active Listening, you will engage fully in what the other person is saying.
The Importance of Preventing Marital Disagreements
Unhealthy disagreements can negatively affect both partners' mental health and physical well-being. Conflict can also positively affect a healthy relationship by creating growth opportunities. Mishandling conflict can cause significant harm to a relationship.
Understanding Active Listening
Active listening involves going beyond simply hearing another person's words and seeking to understand their meaning and intent. It requires being active in the communication process.
Active listening core components include:
- Being fully present in the conversation
- Showing interest by practicing good eye contact
- Noticing (and using) non-verbal cues
- Asking open-ended questions to encourage further discussion and clarification.
- Paraphrasing by restating the speaker's thoughts in your own words.
- Withhold judgment and advice.
Here are some tips to help you ensure that you hear the other person, and that the other person knows you are listening:
- Pay close attention.
- Acknowledge the message.
- Show that you are listening.
- Provide feedback.
- Defer judgment.
- Respond Appropriately.
The Role of Communication in Marital Harmony
Quality communication skills set the tone for marriage and help smooth out the rough places. So many areas require good communication to solve problems, such as parenting, finances, and resolving conflicts. Couples can improve communication by simply evaluating and eliminating poor communication habits. Most marriages are not without arguments or breakdowns in connection. How we communicate during conflict defines a marriage. It is essential to avoid things that can lead to a breakdown in communication.
When communication stops
Some common factors can cause communication to break down and lead to disagreement; Frequently, communication stops moving when criticism or negativity creeps in. Some examples of things that cause disconnect in communication are:
- Lack of listening or shutting down.
- Misunderstandings.
- Negative verbal or non-verbal communication.
- Degrading your spouse.
- Bringing up the past.
Be cautious about misinterpreting relationship messages. It can lead to making wrong assumptions. It helps to clarify your statements to have clear communications.
Active Listening Enhances Marital Communication
Active Listening creates an open and safe communication environment and demonstrates respect and empathy to the speaker. The key to communicating in a marriage is Active Listening. Listening to your partner shows them they are valued and gives them a sense of respect. Active Listening lays the foundation for a positive atmosphere that encourages both parties to feel psychologically safe to share their thoughts freely.
Techniques for Practicing Active Listening.
Active Listening uses all the senses and is a conscious activity based on the three fundamental skills: attitude, attention, and adjustment. Maintaining a positive attitude paves the way for open-mindedness.
- Don't make assumptions.
- Immerse in your partner's conversation.
- Drop defensiveness.
- Pay attention to nonverbal communication.
- Posture physical presence.
- Five seconds of silence.
It can be helpful for couples to learn how to reflectively listen to help clarify their partner's feelings, expectations, and needs. Reflective listening highlights the feelings or attitudes implied in a person's communication for clarification. Paraphrasing is restating a person's idea in your own words to clarify understanding and open further discussion.
Specific techniques to enhance active Listening:
- Reflective paraphrasing rephrasing both content and feelings
- Using a slightly different word with the same meaning
- Convey empathy, acceptance, and genuineness.
- Ask open-ended questions These questions start with "Why?" "How?" and "What?" and encourage a full answer rather than a simple "yes" or "no."
- Use affirmations and validation
- Avoid interruptions and distractions
If you have trouble communicating, seek counseling. A professional can guide you through communication skills and techniques and help you find peaceful resolutions. Marriage In a Box is available for helpful advice and suggestions.
Marriage In a Box is a great resource that gives you access to the simple tools, techniques, and solutions that professional marriage counselors use for typical relationship issues. Marriage coaching is also available on the site. You can set goals and earn rewards. Feel free to check out the available kit and sources of information online.
Importance of Respect in Marriage
Respecting each other's opinions and feelings is essential.
- Mutual respect diminishes the fear of being different.
In marriage, you come to the relationship as individuals. Both partners have personality traits, talents, quirks, past experiences, and interests that differ. Showing mutual respect demonstrates appreciation for each other, differences, and all. Find ways to appreciate your spouse and their unique qualities daily. Declare your spouse's value in your actions.
- Mutual respect gives strength to uphold healthy boundaries in the relationship. Find ways to appreciate your spouse's differences and show that appreciation daily. Declare your spouse's value in your actions.
- Mutual respect compels you to remember you are on the same team when you have disagreements.
- Mutual respect will help to strengthen the friendship between you and your spouse. Showing mutual respect allows friendship to grow because it takes the fear of vulnerability out of the picture. To learn and grow from conflict experiences, you must set explicit expectations for how you will communicate, collaborate, and resolve issues. Listening actively and empathetically and asking open-ended questions are good communication techniques.
How respect enhances communication and emotional connection
The power of respect and love lies in the fact that they always motivate partners to give their best to each other because it boosts the sense of worth whereby the husband feels important, and the wife feels loved.
Recognizing Red Flags
One way to improve your marriage is understanding what happens when relationships fail.
The following are signs of disrespect and unhealthy dynamics. Inability to control emotions. Avoid using controlling behaviors and manipulation. Not addressing issues early on. Timely communication with each other.
Understanding Healthy Respect
Definition of healthy respect in a marriage
Healthy relationships display mutual respect through positive skills, such as listening to your partner's feelings, honoring their boundaries, supporting their dreams, and speaking kindly to others about them. Respecting someone means holding them in high regard through your actions, behaviors, and words. Tolerance differs from respect in that it implies accepting each other's differences.
Build a Foundation of Mutual Respect
Emotional health improves when we understand and tend to our emotional needs. We can actively pursue emotional health by addressing bitterness, unforgiveness, blame, pride, and control. Here are some common strategies.
Seek to understand the problem without attacking. Seek common ground. Use open and honest communication. Expressing thoughts and feelings without judgment and being willing to adapt. Give empathy and understanding. Acknowledge each other's perspectives. Set healthy boundaries.
Foster Respectful Conflict
There can be learning and growth from conflict experiences; you must set explicit norms and expectations for communicating, collaborating, and resolving issues. For example, respecting each other's opinions and feelings is essential, listening actively and empathetically, asking open-ended questions, and seeking to understand the problem without attacking the person. Additionally, it is beneficial to seek common ground and mutual benefit while being willing to compromise and adapt more effectively to resolve issues.
Avoid Destructive Behaviors
To avoid destructive communication and conflict patterns, you must replace them with healthy, productive ones. Examples of destructive behaviors are name-calling, blaming, shaming, criticism, contempt, stonewalling or withdrawing, and defensiveness. Use constructive communication when expressing feelings and needs during disagreements with "I" statements.
Seek professional help when needed.
Support Each Other's Growth
Mental health affects relationships significantly. Working to check our thoughts and unpack our baggage gives us healthier emotions that benefit our relationship with our husband or wife. The marriage benefits are that conflict decreases; communication improves, and joy and intimacy increase. Physical health and well-being affect our relationships with our partners. We must feed, move, hydrate, care for, and rest our bodies to stay in shape.
Identifying and supporting each other's goals helps, especially if it comes from a spouse. Here are some tips to encourage your partner in their life goals and dreams.
- Celebrate achievements together.
- Provide emotional support.
- Offer encouragement and reassurance.
- Adapt to life's transitions as a team.
Embrace personal and relational growth.
Here are some tips for building trust and deepening intimacy.
- Practice open, honest, and transparent communication and create a safe space for sharing.
- Spend quality time together.
- Show appreciation and support each other's goals and dreams.
- Respect individual boundaries and space.
- Make time for romance and intimacy.
- Address past mistakes and work toward forgiveness.
A lack of respect for your partner leaves marriage without part of its foundation, harms our marriages, and hinders connecting genuinely. There is great potential for stronger marriages when partners build mutual respect. Marriage in a Box can offer helpful suggestions to guide you through this process.
Marriage In a Box provides access to tools and techniques professionals use for relationship issues. You can set goals, earn rewards, and find marriage coaching on the site. Check out the available kit and sources of information online.
Defining Infidelity
Infidelity isn't a single, clearly defined situation. What's considered infidelity can be different among couples and even between spouses. For example, is an emotional connection without sex, or an online relationship, infidelity? Each person needs to define what infidelity means to them within a marriage.
Why Husbands or Wives Cheat
All types of marriages can experience infidelity, including those that seem happy and those with many problems. Infidelity may happen due to a variety of factors, including: Lack of affection and loss of love and commitment.
Communication breakdown about relationship needs. Medical issues with chronic pain or disability. Mental health issues like fears, low self-esteem, depression or anxiety, or addictions. Major life stressors. Affairs happen when people seek something to fill in the gap to make them feel special again.
Do You Stay or Do You Go?
Marriage requires two people to remain committed to each other; sadly, with infidelity, one is left in the marriage while the other may have moved on. Your options are separation, divorce, or forgiveness to salvage the marriage. If you give your marriage another chance, you should confirm that the affair is over; (private investigators, Instant checkmate, habits, behaviors, what they say). Many cheaters use social media or dating accounts. See if your spouse will open up about the marriage and how it resulted in the affair. If they're unwilling, you must decide which is better for you.
The Stages of Recovery
1. Get it Out in the Open
Recovery for the offender involves:
- Ending the affair.
- Cutting all ties with the affair partner.
- Becoming transparent enough to explain what happened entirely.
The cheater will likely need to repeatedly answer their spouse's questions with honesty, patience, and humility. Full access to cellphone records, texts, emails, and more helps rebuild trust. At the same time, sharing excessive details about the sexual encounter can further traumatize the spouse. The cheater needs to understand the cause of the infidelity (motives, emotional triggers, stressors, and environments) to be cautious and prevent it from happening again. Any past repetitive behaviors may need additional care under the lens of possible compulsive sexual behaviors.
Recovery for the offended involves:
When a cheating spouse expresses genuine empathy, compassion, and sorrow for the pain that the betrayal has caused helps the healing process. Gradually, the betrayed spouse needs to be able to describe their feelings rather than act them out by lashing out in anger. The couple must discuss how and why the infidelity happened, and that the cheating spouse wants to avoid deception and infidelity again. The betrayed individual, however, must make this kind of transparency safe by listening without criticism or judgment to keep the couple on the healing pathway. Insight into one's mistakes also empowers one to make changes to strengthen the marriage.
2. Confront Your Feelings and allow time to Grieve.
The impacted partner should be allowed to grieve, and the offending partner must recognize how their actions have damaged trust and how much effort and time it will take to regain it. When the offender expresses genuine empathy, compassion, and sorrow for the pain that the betrayal has caused, it can help the healing process. The betrayed partner can experience trauma, depression, anxiety, guilt, and grief, and the family and the children are hurt emotionally. Even the deepest wound can heal; it will just take time and working together.
3. Re-establish Communication
Communication is the most critical part of all of this. You can't just have one healthy and open communication conversation about fixing things; you must continue this practice. Regular updates provide constant reassurance and will instill confidence and help to forgive. If your partner is serious about earning forgiveness, ensuring no more cheating is going on is vital to continue the focus on restoration.
4. Work Together to Understand What went Wrong and Recommit.
While some people cheat for no reason other than to satisfy their ego, most have reasons for infidelity. You can figure out what those reasons are together, or you may want to seek a therapist to have that conversation. Once you've both figured out the reasons, you'll need to work on them together as a team. Some of the behaviors of the betrayed could've been a factor in the infidelity, and behaviors must change to move forward.
5. Rebuild Trust
Once a couple commits to rebuilding trust, they must work on treating the relationship like it is an entirely new one. Both sides must ask for what they need and not expect their partner to know what they want and learn to be transparent. Withholding trust out of fear or anger could prevent emotionally reconnecting with your partner and stop healing. Instead, work toward rebuilding the relationship by renewing the spark(date nights, goals, love languages, checking in with your partner). Showing affection, appreciation, and attention to each other will help with bonding.
If you and your partner struggle with an infidelity situation, Marriage In a Box may be an option for help in deciding how you will move forward and provide you with new skills, support, and suggestions. Consider using Marriage In a Box for help in your new journey to help heal your relationship.
Marriage In a Box is an excellent resource that provides access to the simple tools and techniques professionals use for relationship issues. You can set goals, earn rewards and find marriage coaching and support on the site. Check out the available kit and sources of information online.
Intimacy is reflected in a couple's comfort and closeness and includes emotional and sexual intimacy. Intimacy occurs when two people know and care for each other. These couples are typically open, familiar, and vulnerable in their relationship.
Intimacy intensifies the bond between two people and allows them to open up in front of each other. It fulfills an individual's emotional and physical desires. Intimacy in marriage fosters a close personal bond. While it can prove crucial to friendships and relationships between parent and child, siblings, and others, it is vital to romantic relationships. However, maintaining intimacy and keeping that flame alive in marriage isn't easy. Fortunately, couples can keep the spark alive with reflection, hard work, and innovation.
What does no intimacy in marriage mean?
No intimacy in marriage from a wife or husband means that a couple is not sexually or emotionally involved with each other. It can indicate deeper physical, emotional, or relationship issues between the couple.
How important is intimacy in marriage?
Intimacy is an essential aspect of marriage. If you lack intimacy in your marriage, address the issue healthily and constructively. Ignoring the issue can damage the marriage.
Understanding the Causes of Lost Intimacy
Some of the most common reasons why there is a lack of intimacy in marriage are:
● Low libido or mismatched sex drives.
● Childbirth.
● Workload.
● Stress.
● Medical conditions such as erectile dysfunction.
● History of sexual abuse.
● Infidelity.
● Insecurities or other personal factors like fears, anger, or resentments.
Rebuilding Physical Intimacy
Five tips for restoring intimacy in marriage.
To repair your relationship:
1. Recognize what triggered the lack of intimacy and why you must do something about it early.
2. Be honest with yourself and talk to your spouse.
3 . Prioritize rebuilding intimacy, which requires both partners to commit to effort for change.
4. Remember to also focus on building emotional intimacy. While sexual intimacy is essential, emotional intimacy is equally crucial.
5. Pay attention to the importance of communicating openly with your partner.
Heal Emotional Wounds and Resolve Conflicts.
Intimacy is displayed in a romantic relationship when two people know and care for each other; these individuals are open, familiar, and vulnerable.
There are four main types of intimacy:
● Emotional intimacy
● Intellectual intimacy
● Sexual intimacy
● Experiential intimacy.
Before you can work on intimacy in marriage, it's essential to understand these four main types of intimacy:
● Emotional intimacy can occur when couples feel comfortable sharing their feelings (good and bad).
● With intellectual intimacy, people feel safe sharing their ideas and opinions, even when they don't see eye to eye on the matter.
● Sexual intimacy happens when people engage in sensual or sexual activities.
● People engage in experiential intimacy when they bond during day-to-day activities or work together to accomplish a mission.
Fulfilling each intimacy area helps strengthen a bond. Fulfilling is often a natural part of developing a relationship, but intimacy can bond us as we get closer to an individual. Fortunately, finding that spark again and improving every type of intimacy in your marriage is possible.
Try seeking out new experiences together and reveling in the closeness and comfort you have built in your relationship.
Change up your routine to evoke intense emotions again and maintain avenues of communication.
Find ways to put your love on display and show your spouse that you care for and support them.
Go out of your way to do the unexpected and surprise your spouse.
Maintaining intimacy in marriage is a challenge, but couples can spark the flame with creativity and departing from the mundane. Intimacy isn't just about a physical connection; it's also about closeness and familiarity.
Seeking ways to tell your partner calmly and respectfully if you're having issues is essential for maintaining intimacy. Silence is the silent killer of relationships.
Your marriage isn't doomed if you and your spouse struggle to connect on an emotional, intellectual, sexual, or experiential level. Instead, it can continue to grow if you take time for introspection and put in the work to keep that flame burning.
If you have trouble connecting as a loving couple, consider using Marriage in a Box for helpful suggestions and support to guide you through the stages of reconnecting for intimacy.
Marriage In a Box is an excellent resource that provides access to the simple tools and techniques professionals use for relationship issues. You can set goals, earn rewards and find Marriage coaching on the site. Check out the available kit and sources of information online.
A couple's communication pattern can often determine the success of a relationship. Good communication enhances your relationship in various ways:
● Couples can discuss and resolve their concerns more positively and effectively instead of stewing over negative feelings.
● It helps with intimacy by using mutual give-and-take when sharing things about yourself and listening to the other person, fostering connection and allowing it to grow and deepen.
● It resolves and reduces conflict by discussing your problems openly and honestly; it helps you to resolve arguments and disagreements more readily rather than getting caught up in misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and emotional strife.
Other factors, including how much you interact as a couple, the personality characteristics of each partner, and stressors, all play a part in determining how satisfied people feel in their relationship. Research suggests that communicating well isn't a guarantee for a happy relationship. Research indicates that good communication skills enhance relationships and well-being in many ways. Effective communication is a way to foster a supportive marriage. By actively listening and responding to your partner (and vice versa), you are more likely to feel valued and cared for.
Recognize the Impact of Poor Communication
If you and your partner struggle with communication, consider talking to a professional for advice and tips on coping. Poor communication leads to money problems because it is hard to plan a budget together without discussing it. When there is no communication, there is no way to compromise. If you have barriers to your communication that you as a couple are unable to overcome, it may result in making wrong assumptions, and you become emotionally distant, and your sex life will suffer. You and your partner may seek others to fill the void. A marriage with little communication shows neglect and can become stagnant.
Causes of Communication Breakdown
Couples often have difficulty communicating about subjects that may cause arguments, like; finances, household chores, trust, jealousy, parenting styles, intimacy, spending time together, and tidiness. If the argument still needs to be resolved and drags on for weeks or months, the communication rut often leads to a breakdown. Criticism, contempt, stonewalling, or defensiveness become frequent if communication breaks down, and an unwillingness to find a path forward may occur.
Signs of Communication Problems
● Avoid assumptions about your partner's thoughts or feelings and minimize or avoid criticizing one another. Engaging in passive-aggressive behaviors or behaviors that seems harmless but indirectly displays unconscious aggressive motives is toxic.
● A neutral approach, with neither offense or defense, will help to hear and evaluate your partner's point of view and try to reach a compromise to avoid having the same arguments repeatedly.
● Stonewalling or intentionally shutting down during an argument to avoid problems, also known as silent treatment, can be hurtful, frustrating, and harmful to the relationship. Difficulty talking to your partner is a sign of communication problems, and you may need more help from a therapist for tips and advice on coping.
Strategies for Enhancing Communication
The key to effective communication in a marriage is listening.
Factors involved in active listening can include:
● tone of voice
● one way to avoid misinterpretations of tone is with written communication (through text, for instance)
● body language
● using gentle touch
● silence to reflect or listen.
Couples need to learn how to do reflective listening, which involves actively listening to what a person says and reflecting and repeating their statements to them. This type of listening helps your partner feel heard and understood, building their self-esteem, and fostering positive social and emotional feelings between you. It helps to clarify your partner's feelings, needs, and expectations so they feel understood, heard, and valued.
You can foster competent marital communication with effort. If you approach conversations by avoiding thinking you are right about something and being clear and direct, it will help keep the peace in your relationship. You have a right to your thoughts and feelings but remember that a conversation should not be a battleground where you must prove yourself right. Talk about your thoughts, feelings, and ideas, and listen to your partner's thoughts, feelings, and ideas with interest. Be cautious about misinterpreting relationship messages, so it pays to clarify the content of your messages to have clear communications.
Avoiding communication or silence is a type of communication that can send a negative, hurtful message. We can learn new behaviors if we are willing to put in time and effort. If we lower our ego and pride and realize it takes time to make changes, we can improve communication with our partners.
If you and your partner struggle to communicate, Marriage In a Box may be an option for learning new communication and listening skills, suggestions on avoiding pitfalls, and available coaching. Consider using Marriage In a Box for help in your new journey to help heal your relationship.
Marriage In a Box is an excellent resource that provides access to the simple tools and techniques professionals use for relationship issues. You can set goals, earn rewards, and find marriage coaching on the site. Check out the available kit and sources of information online.
For all the joy that romantic relationships bring us, they are hard work. Many people struggle to maintain romantic relationships. Fading enthusiasm, long work hours, and lack of personal time and space are the three most common problems; character issues were more likely to be cited as a problem area among women. In contrast, fading enthusiasm was more common among men.
What makes sustaining a long-term love relationship difficult?
There is a theory that many factors in modern life may compound marriage problems. In more detail, in the times of our grandparents, enthusiasm and intense romantic feelings motivated people to start a relationship and were expected to continue as the relationship progressed. Unfortunately, quality time with our partners is becoming increasingly scarce thanks to technology. Even when together, we are somewhere else, in cyberspace or deep in thought; thus, being near one another while doing something else is not having quality time.
For some whose primary love language is quality time, a lack of connectedness can leave them feeling empty and alone. Support, protection, and survival benefits would take over and provide incentives to people to keep the relationship going. Here are five things that threaten the longevity of a relationship.
1. Absence of Communication or Constant Miscommunication.
Communication is one, if not the single, most crucial part of a relationship. What and how things are said play a massive role in the relationship's health. Even in the healthiest of relationships, there are disagreements. Two people have different experiences and perspectives, and while they may be communicating and talking, what is said can get lost in translation. Many times it is mind-reading that gets us in trouble.
This miscommunication in relationships comes from a tendency as humans to fill in the gaps around things we don't fully understand with worst-case scenarios. We assume the worst rather than assuming the best and are disappointed when reality doesn't measure up. While the impulse to do this is perfectly normal, the consequences of it can be incredibly harmful to our relationships. We assume that the worst-case scenario has to be true so that we can guard against being hurt.
Allowing yourself to regulate your emotions by pausing and taking deep breaths before speaking increases the likelihood of having a more beneficial conversation. Communicate clearly to help your partner understand where you're coming from. Tap into the trust and care in your relationship, stay away from judgment and blame, and hit the restart button as many times as needed.
2. Emotional Distance.
Emotional distance in a relationship refers to how the two partners drift apart. Drifting apart is a slow process and may take time to be noticed by the two people. A couple must quickly work to reduce this gap when there are signs of distance. Emotional distance in a relationship can lead to the couple feeling as if they've lost their passion, have little to say to each other, and may need help communicating. Emotional distance can result from stress, depression, or a need for much alone time. Too much criticism or negative communication and expectations of the partner that is too high can also be a cause. Pursuing your partner can also drive them away.
3. Not Making Quality Time for Each Other.
Ways to increase your quality time are:
● Remain focused while your partner is talking, and be mindful.
● Refrain from viewing your partner as needy for wanting quality time.
● Keep your technology put away when you have time planned together.
● Remember to ask what makes your partner feel loved.
4. Lack of Sexual Intimacy.
Sexless marriages lose intimacy due to a lack of sharing and emotional transparency. They are often marriages that are sexless by default. The very bond between partners often makes the stakes of revealing issues too high. Many issues conspire to steal the sexual bond of partners: anger, the demands of everyday life, fear of dysfunction, and the use of porn.
5. Infidelity.
Marital frustration is a common trigger for infidelity; the cheater may have attempted to solve marriage problems with no results, didn't want to get married, or was jealous of the attention given to a new baby. Neither partner may have had the skills to communicate their feelings. Perhaps the straying spouse has childhood baggage like neglect or abuse, or a parent who cheated interfered with maintaining a committed relationship. The cheater may not value monogamy, lacks empathy, or doesn't care about the consequences. Lack of respect, financial pressures, poor communication, physical and emotional disconnect, and low compatibility are reasons for infidelity.
How to Revive Your Love Relationship
● Consider what has changed.
● Remind yourself about your partner's good qualities.
● Show more interest in your partner.
● Appreciate and respect each other.
● Show empathy.
● Open the paths of communication.
● Make plans together and go on dates.
Making your marriage work for the long term can be challenging. There can be bumps in the road along the way that may benefit from the skills used by professional counselors. Consider using Marriage In a Box for helpful suggestions in going the distance in your relationship.
Marriage In a Box is an excellent resource that provides access to the simple tools and techniques professionals use for relationship issues. You can set goals, earn rewards and find marriage coaching on the site. Check out the available kit and sources of information online.
It is innate in a child's nature to test limits, like doing something you don't want them to do or reaching for something they shouldn't. On the upside, setting boundaries with children is integral to growing up and becoming independent. Kids must flex boundary-pushing muscles and sometimes disagree with you to assert their individuality. As a parent, the mission is to teach kids to test their limits respectfully, without being defiant, and to know that you are in charge.
Benefits of Boundaries and Expectations.
Boundaries set by parents allow children to grow up to understand they can't always get their way and to be more patient and mature. The mild disappointment often brought about by boundaries can help children to develop empathy and disrupt the selfish thoughts that the world revolves around them. We all learn from struggling a bit; if we always acquiesce our parental authority to our children, it may not help them long-term. Children will have more maturity, resilience, and adaptability and feel safe and connected if you set boundaries.
Guidelines for Setting Boundaries.
● Plan to prevent problems. Thinking through a situation and all potential pitfalls can save a lot of aggravation later. Talk with your child before you attempt a new boundary to ensure you both understand the expectations for behavior.
● Build success into your expectations. Break large tasks into small pieces for younger children. Structure things to make the boundary doable. Remember, not all children are the same.
● Be sure that expectations are clear and positive. Focus on dos as opposed to don'ts. Explain the 'why' behind a limit. Keep expectations simple and easy to understand.
● Give choices. Children can grow into adults who can make intelligent life choices. Start teaching children how to make choices by offering lots of them.
● Model the behavior you'd like to see. Children will copy the adults in their lives. Set a good example.
● Expect setbacks and testing.
Examples of Summer Boundaries to Set
Discuss expectations for the Summer Routine.
Brainstorm together a list and favorite activities you want to participate in over the summer and write them down. Include some ideas for solo activities that are away from digital devices. Hang the list somewhere; you can refer to it throughout the summer. Talk about the changes in your routine while your family is together. Consider all times of day and include bedtime, mealtimes, and other transitions. This talk can help set expectations for the summer and provide a sense of stability children can thrive on.
Set a Daily Quiet Time.
Consider assigning a time of day to be quiet whenever you are around the house. Turn off devices and media. Get out blankets, books, and snacks, and have a time when the household can slow down and relax. Kids will adopt it as part of their summer routine if practiced initially.
Assign a List of Daily Summer Jobs.
Hopefully, children understand their household responsibilities throughout the year. Consider adding age-appropriate duties to the household since there is more time in the summer. If your child is eager to earn money, put together a list of jobs beyond their typical responsibilities, such as vacuuming the first-floor carpet for a fee. In this way, they will practice taking responsibility for a job and have a chance to earn money this summer while helping you out.
Encourage all family members to work together on chores. Teen children may engage in the world of work to gain job experience, make money, and learn the responsibilities and commitments required of an employee. Developing essential job skills and logging experience for their resume will help them acquire future jobs. A place or environment that gives your teen joy can help engage them in the learning and hard work required of a new entry-level position. Volunteering their time is also valuable in discovering their ability to contribute to others.
Help them prepare for summer activities with a checklist.
To set your children up for success in getting ready and out of the door quickly, consider using a checklist to remember what to put in their backpacks for day camp or the pool. Use a simple list of what's consistently needed (bug spray, suntan lotion, water bottle) to help them take responsibility for their preparation.
Establish Computer, TV, and Phone time limits.
Encourage kids to flourish using multiple non-screen activities in the summer. Emphasize, as a family, the reasons why it's important to limit screen time. Focus on the benefits of using time in other ways and be clear together about what limits you'll agree upon.
It is critical to set boundaries and provide structure to kids during the summer to offset developing destructive behaviors while having quality time and making memories. Consider using Marriage In a Box for helpful suggestions and guidance in setting limits with kids during summer vacation.
Marriage In a Box is an excellent resource that provides access to the simple tools and techniques professionals use for relationship issues. You can set goals, earn rewards ,and find marriage coaching on the site. Check out the available kit and sources of information online.
Kids often see summer as a time to do whatever they please in endless fun activities without responsibilities or pressures. With too much free time, they may get into bad habits and behaviors. Providing structure in the summer is helpful for most families to keep kids on track and prepare them for the next school year. The demands of filling in time with activities for kids in the summer add financial stress, and taking time off from work may be difficult. Here are a few suggestions for parents to keep kids busy and not go broke.
Setting a Budget
1. Assess financial resources available for summer activities.
Make a list of things your kids would like to do this summer, estimate costs, and create your budget. Look for free and discounted activities. Remember, there are fun activities you can have with things found in the home and free web tutorials. Some ideas are:
● Build a Fort using blankets, tables, couches, boxes or pillows, and a flashlight.
● Kids can learn to draw figures with free video tutorials from Art for Kids.
● Let your kids watch stories read by sports heroes, astronauts or celebrities.
2. Allocate a specific budget for kids' summer activities.
Try creating a summer activity list and start budgeting for the added expenses you will incur. Low-cost, free, or discounted activities in your area are just as much fun and great ways to make memories with your family.
● Set limits in advance.
● Use cash, not credit.
● Track your spending.
● Focus on free/discounted activities.
Practical and affordable ways to keep kids busy.
● Museums and attractions like zoos may offer a free discounted pass or free days.
● Parks and Nature preserves have much to offer with discounts and annual fees.
● Local community pool or YMCA on a discounted family pool pass.
● Having fun in your backyard with a game of tag or softball, riding bikes, or letting your child climb some low tree branches with you nearby is exciting for them.
● Low-cost items like sidewalk chalk and blowing bubbles are also fun.
Outdoor Activities
Check to see what parks or playgrounds are in your area. These are great ways to spend the day with your kids. Outdoor activities offer social interaction, help channel pent-up energy, promote physical and mental health, and help to improve sleep. Many parks have playground equipment and splash pads; they may have a lake with canoes or boats, fishing, picnic tables, and concession stands. Parks are a great place to organize picnics and playdates as they offer tables, shelters, trails, and many opportunities to experience nature and fun.
- By taking your kids on hikes in nature areas, you build your child's appreciation for nature and the outdoors, which offer fresh air and a chance to explore and discuss what they see.
- Look for trails with manageable distances and difficulty, possibly paved. Hiking Project and AllTrails can help you find family-friendly hiking trails and nature reserves near you.
- For birding, bring kids binoculars and a colorful kid's birding guide. Use a Plant identification guide for kids to learn about plant life. Encourage kids to get up close and take notice of tiny details like leaf shape, plant structure, and types of flowers or plants.
- You can do much with a hose and sprinkler or create your own with a pool noodle. Use a tarp for a slip-and-slide. Water balloons can be used for dodgeball or racing with water buckets. Utilize affordable options like sprinklers, water balloons, and inflatable pools.
Indoor Activities
The library has a lot of great things to do, like story hour, puppet shows, and other fun events. You can also do workshops and check out books, music, and movies. Most libraries have a summer reading program that offers reading themes, workshops, and activities. Your library may have online school readiness programs and early literacy workshops. Create a cozy reading nook at home and have a book club with kids and their friends to discuss stories or books they've read
Community Activities
Most local community centers have summer daytime hours and fitness and basketball equipment available. Most centers are free or discounted. These centers may provide many programs like:
● Creative Arts – music or dance
● Recreation/Fitness/sports like basketball or sports leagues
● Clubs
● computer labs
A community center summer program can turn the aimless hours into productive learning and social time that promotes fitness and friendship.
Arts and Crafts
Encourage creativity by showing interest in your child's artistic expression and letting them try a few different types of art. Have fun with their creativity, take them to artistic events and concerts, and praise their creative efforts.
Use inexpensive materials and recycled items for crafting. Find paper or fabric scraps, old magazines, feathers, glue, glitter, and other items to create collages and art pieces. Make sculptures with homemade play dough. Food coloring and water work to create watercolor paintings.
Organize art competitions or showcase kids' creations at home:
● Define the rules and your needs.
● Determine how you're going to pick a winner.
● Offer a prize.
Designate a space in the home to create a collage of your child's art, put it on the fridge, clip it to a string, etc.
There are annual national art competitions like: U.S. Kids Magazine's Cover Contest; check out online art competitions or use your imagination to create a Google Doodle based on a theme.
Volunteer work and community service.
Inspire your children to give; volunteering has well-documented benefits for health and well-being.
Younger kids can:
● Build birdhouses with you and donate them to a local park or nature center.
● Help pick up litter and clean their neighborhood.
Older kids can:
● Lend a hand at the animal shelter.
● Help with planting, watering, and weeding, and learn how to grow plants and vegetables at community gardens.
● Check with a local food bank to see if they need volunteers to sort and distribute food.
Various activity options are available to families to keep kids busy while keeping costs low during the summer. Structuring kids during the summer while having quality time and making memories may put extra stress on parents. Consider using Marriage In a Box for helpful suggestions and guidance through dealing with pressure from what to do with kids on summer vacation.
Marriage In a Box is an excellent resource that provides access to the simple tools and techniques professionals use for relationship issues. You can set goals, earn rewards and find marriage coaching on the site. Check out the available kit and sources of information online.
