How to Navigate a Serious Illness in Marriage

Chronic illness with a spouse can bring many challenges, but there are ways to be a supportive partner and take care of your well-being. It is essential to have open conversations about your own needs and concerns as well as theirs. A balance is needed to maintain happiness in the marriage. The caregiving spouse needs to make sure they are invested enough in the marriage to see it through. There is support out there to help in these situations.

Health Scares can Test the Strongest of Marriages.

Being diagnosed with a chronic illness creates changes in your life situation that may increase the risk of divorce in couples. The partner of someone diagnosed with a chronic disease needs to assume the role of both caretaker and partner.  If you provide care, you can feel resentful and overwhelmed. The care recipient can feel more like a patient than a marriage partner. This shift can threaten self-esteem and create a sense of loss. 

1. Face the illness together.

Finding ways to talk openly about the challenges with illness helps to solve problems effectively and form good teamwork. There can be frustration and anger over conditions when your spouse can't do certain things. Finding a middle ground with communication is key. Constantly discussing the illness is a problem, and never discussing it is also a problem. 

2. Ask your partner what they need.

Encourage your partner to share their needs for caretaking and their emotional and relationship needs. Caregiving involved in illness can change a marriage landscape, and you and your partner may feel a loss of sexy or romantic feelings and may need to work through this together or with a therapist. Education about illness and treatment options by going together to doctor's appointments would be helpful.  

Seek support from home aide services for activities of daily living, mobility, and household chores. Being transparent, direct, and clear about your wants is essential because your partner isn't a mind reader. 

A partner with a chronic illness may send mixed messages based on how well they feel and may fluctuate with how much help they need. When feeling good, your partner may want to do things on their own but then become resentful when others don't help when they aren't feeling as well. Chronic illness can shift the balance of a relationship; the more responsibilities one needs to assume, the greater the imbalance.

3. Keep communication open and honest.

The relationship can suffer when people don't discuss problems with no easy or obvious solution. A lack of discussion can lead to feelings of distance and a lack of intimacy. Finding ways and the right time to talk clearly and openly about challenges helps with problem-solving and creates feelings of closeness from good teamwork. Talk to your partner rather than assume you know what your partner thinks, feels, and needs from you. 

4. Take care of yourself to avoid caregiver burnout.

A chronic illness or debilitating condition added into the mix of a relationship can make it feel nearly impossible to stay emotionally happy. Being married to a person who has a long-term health condition can bring challenges, and you can ignore your own mental and emotional wellness needs as you tend to their needs. There are ways you can be a supportive partner and still take care of your well-being:

• Open, honest conversations about your own needs and concerns are essential. 
• Practice empathy and self-care by making time for your needs and finding social support to help you feel restored.
• It's always vital to remember that two people are in your relationship, and your needs are equally important.      

5.Know your limits and seek sources of home care

Seeking outside support from homecare services for activities of daily living, mobility, and household chores may also be needed. Some agencies help with different health conditions and provide education and support. Other agencies offer home health care for medical issues, therapies, and light housekeeping. Needs may evolve as the illness progresses; thus, checking in with each other about what is going well and what feels challenging will help you stay close through this difficult time. Government agencies are available to offer financial support.

6. Give yourself and your partner room for a “time-out.”

After assessing what is needed and what you can or can't help with, determine your boundaries to help you succeed with your relationship. There may be some care tasks you don't think you are physically or emotionally able to do; be forthright about that from the start and help your partner find additional home care sources. As a caregiver, you must take breaks to avoid burnout and maintain your well-being. Your boundaries can only be adhered to if you clearly state them to your partner. 

Couples need good communication skills to survive. This dynamic is increasingly challenged by the illness of a spouse. Communication may be confused by mixed messages requiring more advanced skill to deal with and romance can be lost. If you struggle in this area, you may need more professional support, consider using Marriage In a Box as a resource for helpful suggestions and guidance. Marriage In a Box provides access to tools and techniques professionals use for relationship issues. You can set goals, earn rewards, and find marriage coaching on the site. Check out the available kit and sources of information online.

Are You Truly Communicating With Your Spouse?

Marriage problems can arise in many ways, strike at the heart of a marriage, and cause communication to break down. A communication breakdown between couples can occur when they fail to communicate or reach a stalemate about disagreements or misunderstandings healthily. Effectively communicating with your spouse is essential to offset frustration and anger in your relationship and leads to greater happiness. 

External factors can influence your connection negatively, but determining the cause and working to fix it with the right attitude and healthy communication is what matters. So, connect with your partner and share meaningful conversations with your spouse while avoiding strife. Engage with your partner and remember that communication is a binding factor to keep your marriage intact.

Shouting is not Communicating!

It is easier to raise the volume of your voice than to calmly talk when you are upset as you speak to your spouse. Shouting triggers the fight-or-flight response, creates a lot of negative emotion, and doesn't get your point across effectively because the focus shifts from the topic at hand to the conflict. It could also incite an argument or make the other person want to leave. Remaining calm fosters a more loving atmosphere with more opportunities to connect.

Remember that Winning is not the Goal.

Realize that you're not in it to win it. Winning an argument means that by default, one of you gets to feel good, and the other is left feeling wounded, and that's not a healthy approach for any marriage. A spiteful mindset destroys good communication, and It's easy to fall into a mindset of wanting to get even or get your point across to win the fight. Instead of getting caught up in conflict, try to have the mindset that you are a team and are in this together. The key to healthy communication is finding a solution that makes you both win together.

Communication is More than just talking; It also means Listening.

Not listening to each other is a real problem when your relationship is rough. It can be a time when frustration and tension boil over, and you both want to communicate your point. When communicating with your spouse, listen to their words, tone, and voice pitch, and note body language and expressions. Research links attentive listening to coping more effectively and relationship satisfaction. Consider stepping back to listen to what your partner has to say. Then, take turns talking without interruption instead of trying to make your point. 

Communication should be a Discussion.

Interactions between you and your spouse involve how you convey thoughts, ideas, and feelings. Verbal ability to communicate with your spouse can enhance the relationship between the two of you. Communication should be a discussion between partners, not a debate involving preconceived notions about what is happening between you. Communication in personal relationships is all about partners collaborating and being willing to compromise through sharing perceptions, feelings, and ideas to understand what is happening between them.

10 Steps to Improved Communication with Your Spouse

1. Be comfortable – Stay neutral on hot topics you discuss and use good timing. For example, don't talk about upsetting things in bed.

2. Pay full attention. Turn off distractions and lean into your partner, using connective body language to avoid creating distance.

3. Make eye contact without staring down your spouse, but don't send a message that you're afraid; avoid eye wandering.

4. Use "I statements" such as I feel like this when… Indicate your awareness about being responsible for your thoughts and behavior.

5. Invite your partner to share their perceptions and be empathetic and non-judgmental. 

6. Don't interrupt! Stay focused, attentive, and connected. Even if you don’t particularly like or disagree with what is said. 

7. Reflect, check, and clarify what you think your partner is saying by repeating what you hear to ensure you hear the overall message correctly. 

8. Use language that sounds collaborative and recognize that when there are two of you in a room, there's also a third entity present—the relationship. Focus on what is best for the relationship.

9. If there's a problem that you are trying to solve, communicate your ideas for solutions with tentativeness. For example, use terms like, I'm stuck. What do we need to do next?

10.  Keep the communication flowing, be willing to listen, and don't be afraid to say you don't know something.

Couples need good communication skills to survive. Verbal and nonverbal communication is essential to marriage success. If you struggle in this area and want to know more, consider using Marriage In a Box as a resource for helpful suggestions and guidance.

Marriage In a Box provides access to tools and techniques professionals use for relationship issues. You can set goals, earn rewards, and find marriage coaching on the site. Check out the available kit and sources of information online.

Make Your Marriage Your First Priority

A strong marriage is the healthiest thing you can give yourself and your kids; therefore, it becomes a priority. It doesn't mean you have to put all your energy into your marriage and ignore other things in your life that are a priority or need to come first. There is a balance here. Prioritizing your marriage means you do little things to make your partner feel special.  Find ways to connect with your spouse daily and schedule regular time with just the two of you. Putting your marriage first is essential because it provides the foundation for everything you build together. You want it to last a lifetime.

Find Small Ways to Make Your Spouse Feel Cherished

When you put your marriage first, try to find small ways to make your spouse feel cherished. 

Some suggestions include the following:

• Bring coffee in the morning, express your affection for them. 
• Be happy to see your partner when they arrive home.
• Hug, kiss, and hold hands often.
• Text and flirt throughout the day and set a date night weekly.
• Don't hold grudges.

It's Important to Spend Time Together

Spending time with your partner is essential for your relationship to grow and blossom into something more profound. Unfortunately, people tend to become comfortable the longer they've been together or become busy pursuing personal interests. They stop putting their spouse first, and quality time can decrease. It becomes a problem if you emotionally disconnect with your partner. Setting aside quality time to spend with each other is essential.  Focus on enjoyment and re-establishing the romantic connection, which goes a long way in strengthening the relationship. Some ways you can spend quality time are: 

• Go on a holiday together 
• Go for a walk in the park 
• Enjoy a coffee break together
• Stay indoors and watch movies together

Be considerate of each other's time.

Consider each other's schedules when planning individual activities and communicating your expectations. Ensuring you're on the same page is respectful, and it helps to factor in quality time together. If you've promised your spouse that you will be home at a particular time, stick to that promise. Keep each other in the loop if you will be late or if something changes.

Keep secrets

One of the most important things you can do for your spouse is to respect their privacy and keep their thoughts, feelings, or other things that they aren't sharing publicly quiet. Your spouse is your most trusted confidant, and they are yours. It is best to let them be the ones to share something if they choose.

Tell your spouse first, consider their feelings, and ask for their input.

When something exciting or disappointing happens, tell your spouse before you disclose it to your circle of friends or family. It can be hard to wait, but it shows respect to them and lets them know they are your most important relationship. Consider your spouse's feelings about a situation before you make big decisions or during disagreements. Ask for their input on situations that arise, as they know you better than anyone else and may have valuable thoughts about your situation.

Thank your spouse

It is easy to take our spouse for granted on those things they do regularly. Start thanking them each day. Thank them for going to work and supporting the family. Thank them for being a loving spouse. Your gratitude and appreciation will show that you respect and value them. 

Recognize that they are human.

Give your spouse grace when they make mistakes, and try not to get upset with them. None of us are perfect; we all make mistakes. Treat your spouse as you want to be treated with respect and grace.

Pay Attention to Your Spouse

We all have things that steal our attention and shape our values negatively, which can impact our marriage. Paying attention to your spouse and giving them the attention they deserve and need is an excellent way to make your marriage a priority. When we prioritize in favor of our partner, life is happier, sweeter, and more fulfilling. There is always time to spend with friends and work late, but priorities must be balanced. You may have misplaced priorities if your life constantly flows toward more attention at work ( sports, friends, etc) and not toward your spouse.

Grow Together with Shared Goals

Putting your spouse first means growing together and creating goals you can work toward.

 Your goals could be any of the following:

•  a regular date night
•  a romantic getaway
•  a new hobby together

Sharing goals helps you continue growing together and strengthens your partnership.

One of the secrets to a happy marriage and life is to put your partner first and give them preferential treatment. It can be challenging with other demands for time and attention. Consider using Marriage In a Box for helpful suggestions and guidance about managing to prioritize your spouse for an enduring marriage.

Marriage In a Box provides access to tools and techniques professionals use for relationship issues. You can set goals, earn rewards, and find marriage coaching on the site. Check out the available kit and sources of information online.

Five Ways to Calm Holiday Stress

Why is the Holiday Season so Hard for Most People?

Holiday stress is natural, but there are ways to manage it. The holidays include chores like cooking, decorating, shopping, wrapping, social events, and stressful family time. However, many people find this time of year to be a challenging time emotionally with missing family members who have passed, loneliness, or isolation. The good news is that there are ways to cope with these complicated feelings. It is helpful to learn how to survive the holidays with your mental health intact. 

Understanding What Triggers Holiday Stress.

Making all the meals and decorating to perfection can become overwhelming. It can also be hard to find the time to attend every party, have family time, and take care of the everyday duties of work or children. Holiday stress can be triggered by becoming overwhelmed by having too much to do, feelings of loss over family that have passed away, or loneliness for those with limited friends and family. 

There's a desire to cram in every tradition and event to make each day memorable. Stress can pile up quickly with the added cost of travel to visit family members. It can also be challenging to cope with difficult family members. 

Five Ways to Calm Holiday Stress

1. Set Realistic Expectations

We tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves and our loved ones for the "perfect" holiday. When circumstances cause us to be unable to meet this unrealistic expectation, we feel frustrated or disappointed. We must be realistic about what we care about most during the holiday season and look at the time, energy, and money available when planning. Being honest and authentic can cultivate peace and joy during the holiday season.

2. Accept Imperfection 

Before preparing for the holidays, acknowledge that things will not always be perfect because imperfection is healthy and normal. For some of us, it takes a little practice. Avoid setting the bar too high; remember you are human to avoid feeling upset when you can't do it all. We tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves and our loved ones for the "perfect" holiday. When circumstances cause us to be unable to meet this unrealistic expectation, we feel frustrated or disappointed.

We must be realistic about what we care about most during the holiday season and look at the time, energy, and money available when planning. Being honest and realistic can cultivate more peace and joy during the holiday season. Try writing down what you imagine for this holiday season and see if you can do a reality check and shift expectations to a mix of stressful moments and moments of joy.

3. Establish clear boundaries. 

Social obligations can quickly become overwhelming during the holiday season, and dealing with challenging relationships or COVID-related stress can contribute to feeling overwhelmed. Too many activities, even fun activities, can culminate in holiday stress, leaving us feeling frazzled rather than fulfilled. Be aware of your limitations and permit yourself to set boundaries for those activities in which you partake.

For activities that feel more like an obligation than a pleasure, consider a pre-designated amount of time or avoid them altogether. See if you can focus on something you enjoy about the experience.

4. Make a budget and stick to it. 

• Begin a budget early in the season to help you be more intentional about your holiday spending. 
• Organizing your budget with categories like travel, gifts, or food makes managing planned purchases and their costs easier.
• Shop smarter and compare prices online or limit your shopping to Black Friday or Cyber Monday events; use tools and apps to maximize savings.

Remember that the commercial aspect of the holidays may not be why you, your family, or your children are the most excited about the holidays. What other things or childhood memories do you enjoy about the holidays? Please focus on the religious, family-oriented, or seasonal activities that give our holidays meaning. A great way to refocus our holidays is through volunteering our time to help support others.

5. Respond with Kindness

If you can't change others' actions during the stresses of the holiday season, you can change how you respond to situations. Be mindful that the holidays are tough for those who are alone or stressed. See if you can extend kindness to those without family and friends during this time of year. 

If things get tense or difficult with someone, take a few deep breaths and shift your thinking to get a new perspective. Tell yourself that this person is suffering, causing them to act this way. It will soften frustration, help you be more compassionate, and remind you that it's not personal.

The holidays can be a mixture of joyful times and stressful times when families gather. Pulling off meal preparation, decorations, gifting, and possibly travel takes a lot of work and finances. This tension can affect family members, triggering negative behaviors, and the holidays may lose their luster. Consider using Marriage In a Box for helpful suggestions and guidance about managing stress during the holiday season. 

Marriage In a Box provides access to tools and techniques professionals use for relationship issues. You can set goals, earn rewards, and find marriage coaching on the site. Check out the available kit and sources of information online.

Secrets to a Drama-Free Holiday

Difficult people are everywhere, and you must find a way to deal with them. When a family member is hard to deal with, we cannot remove ourselves from the situation because their connection to us is more complicated and intimate. When acquaintances like friends, colleagues, lovers, or neighbors become difficult, you can remove yourself from the situation. With family, we are more obligated to get along to avoid putting stress and strain on other familial relationships. 

Trying to fix a problematic family member is easier said than done, and the more one tries, the more demands the difficult person makes. Recognizing and stopping an interaction with a difficult family member is essential when it's no longer about solutions and only about winning.

Causes of Family Drama

Family drama can happen due to poor communication, unresolved issues from the past, and personality conflicts. If left alone, these conflicts can impact our mental well-being negatively and create a toxic family environment. It is best to recognize warning signs and take action to maintain healthy relationships with your family members and avoid drama.

Communication Breakdown

When people in a family don't have open and honest communication, it leads to misunderstanding, which can cause stress and tension. People sometimes need to listen better, find it difficult to say what they mean, and jump to conclusions. With better communication, talking openly, and with empathy, family members can clear up confusion and create a happier, more understanding atmosphere.

Personality Clashes

Family members might not be in sync with each other's values and beliefs or have conflicts with their personalities. These tensions lead to arguments and escalate if not dealt with properly. The family must show empathy, respect each other's differences, and find acceptance to keep the peace at home.

Past unresolved issues

Holding grudges and unresolved past issues cause trouble and strain relationships between family members and loved ones. These issues can make family get-togethers and everyday life tense and uncomfortable. Families can strengthen relationships with each other and decrease tensions by facing problems directly, having honest conversations, and finding solutions.

Common Instigators of Family Drama

There can be socially toxic individuals who may be holding long-term grudges or personality tensions and are not mindful of whom they hurt. These individuals may display some of the following characteristics:

• No filter of speech or actions to the point of offending others.
• Short temper over the slightest event.
• Tendencies to be opinionated, rigid, suspicious, and hold grudges without forgiving.
• Needs to be the center of attention or will act out.
• You and others must gauge this person's mood and walk on eggshells around them.
• They use a victim role or expect special or royal treatment.

Dealing with prolonged family drama and stressful situations can damage mental and physical health and cause feelings of anxiety, depression, and psychological issues. Family drama creates an unstable, unpredictable atmosphere and can become unsafe if left unchecked. Finding healthy ways to cope is imperative to maintain your overall well-being.

Plan for a Positive Way to Reduce Family Drama 

  What can you do to reduce family drama:

1. Don't ignore toxic behavior; set boundaries regarding unacceptable behavior, even if it means barring adult children from holiday meals unless behaviors change.

2. Avoid discussing topics that become divisive, and don't allow someone's drama to diminish your enjoyment of the holidays.

3. Set time limits and start without those who don't show up to avoid attention-seeking dramatic entrances.

4. Dangerous behavior (excessive drinking, weapons) or divisive behavior that victimizes others should not be allowed. If things get out of hand, call the police.

5. Remember, we are only safe when we avoid or control those individuals or situations that would harm us; you have no social or familial obligation to be victimized.

6. Give praise for attempts to get along and accept each other.

Strategies to Deal with Family Drama

Handling family drama can be challenging, but these strategies can help make your family life more peaceful and loving. Remember to talk openly, listen attentively and empathetically, and avoid misconceptions. Set firm limits, avoid divisiveness, ensure safety, and learn how to handle conflicts and compromise for solutions. Understand your and others' emotions, avoid blame, and forgive and let go. Spread positivity by planning outings and celebrating achievements among your family members. Get professional help if there is difficulty resolving issues. By implementing these tips, you can have healthier family outings and relationships and less drama.

The holidays are when families gather, and not all family members are free of drama in their lives and can bring their issues into the atmosphere. Other family members can be affected by this tension, and the holidays may lose their luster. If you struggle with managing episodes of family drama at this time, consider using Marriage In a Box as a resource for helpful suggestions and guidance.

Marriage In a Box provides access to tools and techniques professionals use for relationship issues. You can set goals, earn rewards, and find marriage coaching on the site. Check out the available kit and sources of information online.

Expressing Appreciation and Gratitude is Essential in Marriage

Everyone wants their partner to respect and value what they do to make the relationship work. Maybe your significant other isn't acknowledging your efforts, or you feel taken for granted. Whatever the case, there are things you can do if you feel unappreciated in a relationship. A simple expression of gratitude improves well-being and relationships. Gratitude even makes you happier and healthier! Feelings of being unappreciated by your significant other, not a stranger or acquaintance, are more intensely painful.

What is Appreciation and Gratitude?

The Oxford English Dictionary says gratitude is a feeling of wanting to express your thanks.

Grateful people value others, enjoy simple pleasures (sunshine, smiles, etc.), express their gratitude, and are less likely to feel they are missing out on life. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, appreciation expresses admiration, approval, or gratitude.

The importance of appreciation and gratitude in marriage

It is reasonable and healthy to expect your partner to appreciate and make you feel valued over what you do for the relationship. Appreciation is significant in a relationship and without it you may think that nothing you do is good enough to make your partner happy, and the relationship will suffer. Part of a healthy relationship is feeling like you are appreciated and matter to your partner. If you feel unappreciated, you may worry that you are the only one fighting for the relationship or that your spouse wouldn't miss you if you left. 

A lack of appreciation leads to resentment toward your partner, which is not part of a healthy relationship. Feeling loved, appreciated, and supported by our partners communicates that our partners care about and find us necessary, generating a sense of safety and security. Research has found that feeling and expressing gratitude in marriage leads to higher marital satisfaction because it shows that our partners view us as essential and valuable, which leads to greater satisfaction within the relationship.

Benefits of expressing appreciation and gratitude to your partner

Science shows that acknowledging and expressing gratitude can enhance the following:

●     Better and more satisfying relationships

●     Physical health

●     Longevity

●     Life satisfaction

●     Positive mood

Conversely, gratitude can minimize :

●     Depression

●     Negative moods

●     Anxiety

 Expressing gratitude shows you care and generates compassion and optimism. It reciprocates kindness, celebrates the positive, and acknowledges that a good deed by the other person makes us happy and satisfied and helps our mental health. Gratitude paves the way for future acts of kindness to help us get through difficult times and flourish in good times, boosting and deepening our relationships and mental health.

Why is it so hard for people to express appreciation and gratitude?

The truth is that some people are more naturally grateful than others, and for some, gratitude takes work. These differences can be rooted in our brains, genes, and personalities. Gratitude isn't purely hard-wired; there are things you can do to bring more appreciation into your life.

  1. Grateful genes

Research shows a gene that influences gratitude that helps explain why some people find it easier to feel and express gratitude than others. It is involved in the recycling of the neurotransmitter dopamine in the brain. There is also a genetic connection with people feeling less grateful and less sensitive to positive life events. These people may be super-sensitive to adverse life events, resulting in decreased positive personality traits like gratitude and forgiveness.

    2. A grateful brain

Research suggests the possibility of differences in brain structure and activity between people who are more and less grateful; we can't say whether those differences result from nature or nurture or some interaction between the two.

  3. Personality pitfalls

Our genes and brains aren't the end of the story, as certain personality factors can also act as barriers to gratitude. Envy, materialism, narcissism, and cynicism can diminish thankfulness. It may be difficult or impossible for people who are envious or materialistic to be grateful.

Five Ways to Show Your Appreciation and Gratitude

Showing gratitude to your partner can have many benefits. If you struggle to find ways to show appreciation, these tips may help you cultivate gratitude in your relationship:

 1. Compliment your partner out loud.

 2. Help give your partner a break from the workload.

 3. Involve the children in thanking and appreciating your partner.

 4. Write notes, texts, or letters of appreciation and gratitude.

 5. Be thankful for your partner even when they aren't present. 

In this season of gratitude and thanks, remember that you can strengthen your relationship simply by sharing your appreciation for your partner.

 A lack of appreciation for your partner can devalue them and harm your marriage. When partners express gratitude and appreciation, their marriages can become more robust. Marriage in a Box offers helpful suggestions for becoming a more appreciative spouse.

Marriage In a Box provides access to tools and techniques professionals use to address relationship issues. The site allows users to set goals, earn rewards, and find marriage coaching. Users can also check out the available kit and sources of information online.

Do You and Your Spouse Have Mutual Respect?

Mutual respect differs from person to person, but it is reflected in how partners treat each other daily. In healthy relationships, partners are equals and do not have authority over each other. The loss of mutual respect can lead to a stressful, painful, and unhappy life for a couple and quickly destroy a marriage. Without mutual respect, couples will have trouble working through conflicts. Respect can erode due to daily stresses and strains, causing irritability and negativity toward each other, which is disrespectful. 

What is Mutual Respect?

Mutual respect is straightforward; it means treating your spouse or partner thoughtfully and courteously. Mutual respect isn't rude or disrespectful ( name calling, insulting, or demeaning); it doesn't ignore or avoid your partner. Finally, mutual respect views your partner's opinions, wishes, and values as worthy of serious consideration. It is not just the absence of negative behavior but the presence of positive behaviors. It takes consistent effort to treat your spouse or partner respectfully by doing things like: 

●     Considering your spouse's opinion

●     Consult with your partner before making a decision that affects them.

●     Take an active interest in your partner's life (work, interests, and daily activities 

●     Negotiate and work with your partner about important issues affecting you and your family. 

Mutual Respect Facilitates Many Things in a Relationship.

Many factors contribute to a long-term relationship's viability, but mutual respect facilitates so much in a relationship like:

●     Problem-solving. If both people respect each other's intelligence, common sense, and benevolence, disagreements are more likely to be solved, bringing the couple closer.

●     Acceptance of difference. Where there is a foundation of mutual respect, people are more likely to accept their partner's differences in values, physical appearance, personality traits, quirks, past experiences, and interests.

●     Resilience. Couples with mutual respect can more easily agree to disagree on an issue, not hold a grudge, and move forward.

●     Mutual respect enables strength to uphold healthy boundaries in the relationship.

●     Mutual respect requires remembering you are both on the same team during conflict. 

●     Mutual respect helps to strengthen the friendship between you and your spouse. 

How to Show Respect in Your Relationship

Healthy relationships are founded on mutual respect, shown through positive behaviors, such as listening to your partner, honoring their requests and boundaries, supporting their dreams and desires, and speaking kindly about them to others. When you respect someone, you regard them highly through your behaviors, actions, and words. Differences between spouses are accepted.

There are some simple steps you can take to change habits and patterns to more responsible ways of relating. Here are some tips:

●     Listen attentively when your partner's shares needs, desires, and concerns.

●     Respond to what your partner asks for and in a timely fashion.

●     Acknowledge, appreciate, and show gratitude for what your partner does and who your partner is.

●     When using humor, be careful not to wound.

●     Don't share intimate details or violate confidentiality.

●     Be careful not to go over the line to criticism with complaints.

●      Avoid cutting sarcasm and use soft words.

●     Speak first to your partner rather than sharing concerns with others.

●      Avoid impatience and irritable tones.

●     Be compassionate when your partner makes mistakes. 

●     Assure your partner that there is room for many opinions. 

What To Do if You Don't Feel Respected

If you don't feel appreciated by your partner, here are some strategies that might help:

1. Improve Your Communication as A Couple

Focus on how you communicate with each other, especially during conflict. Practice active listening, expressing feelings, and using your senses. Learn to say how you feel when your partner does something hurtful and ask for what you want. For example, you might say, "I feel disrespected when you make fun of me in front of my friends, and I'd like you only to sound upbeat about me, especially when we're out. Make eye contact, use a soft voice, ask clarifying questions, and avoid defensiveness. 

Wise couples don't take their partners for granted and are eager to contribute to their relationships.

2. Be Clear on Your Boundaries

Focus on boundaries that may be needed with your partner. When you set them, make sure they are clear and understood. You should not have to explain or justify why this is necessary continually; your partner should be respectful. It's up to you to keep and maintain these boundaries and speak up if needed. Misunderstandings about boundaries do pop up, but couples in healthy relationships address them.

Re-establishing Respect in Your Relationship

It can be challenging to change if a couple falls into a pattern of treating each other with disrespect. Both partners must be willing to change their behavior. To avoid escalating tension, work on changing your behavior only and avoid policing your partner's behavior. The golden rule says to treat your partner as you would like to be treated. Once greater respect has been established, couples can work on making requests more effectively, solving problems, and accepting differences.

If you have trouble finding respect in your relationship, a professional can guide you through the steps to re-establishing respect and finding joy in your marriage. Marriage in a Box provides helpful tools and professional techniques.

Marriage In a Box uses solutions used by professional marriage counselors. Marriage coaching is also available on the website. Check out the available kit and online sources of information.

Can You Fix A Toxic Marriage?

It is exhausting and soul-depleting to live in a toxic marriage. You're mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted because there's no peace at home, which is supposed to be your refuge. The good news is that if both partners are willing to make the right changes, toxic marriages can become healthy and secure partnerships. However, if safety and security are at risk in the family, it may be better to separate.

What is a Toxic Marriage?

A toxic marriage is a chronic condition if there are unhealthy mental, physical, and emotional issues. These issues may lead to emotional abuse, substance abuse, adultery, physical abuse or desertion, or other major transgressions that cause trouble in a marriage. 

Why are Toxic People Harmful?

●     Toxic people can be self-centered, manipulative, abusive, and lack empathy.

●     Toxic people may constantly demand attention, sympathy, or validation.

●     Toxic people tend to disrespect emotional and physical boundaries and erode our self-esteem.

Signs You Are in a Toxic Marriage

●     Resentment

Holding grudges chips away at intimacy. Over time, resentment can build up and widen the chasm.

●     Dishonesty

Lying is a very unhealthy behavior that creates mistrust.

●     Disrespect

Being late and forgetting events and other verbal or nonverbal behaviors that show disrespect are a red flag.

●     Negative financial behaviors

It can be toxic if you agree about your finances and one partner constantly disrespects that agreement.

●     Constant stress

Ordinary life challenges, like illness and job losses can create tension in your marriage. However, finding yourself constantly on edge is a critical indicator that something's off.

●     Ignoring your needs

Always going along with whatever your partner wants, when it goes against your wishes or comfort level, is a sign of toxicity.

●     Lost relationships and loss of self-care

If you've stopped spending time with friends and family or let go of your usual self-care habits (withdraw from hobbies, neglect health, and sacrifice free time) to avoid conflict with your spouse, you may be in a toxic relationship.

●     Walking on eggshells

If you avoid conflict to avoid upsetting your partner and your partner won't listen to your concerns, your relationship could be toxic.

Is a Toxic Marriage Worth Saving?

Staying in a toxic marriage without changing anything will be soul-destroying, exhausting, devastating, and unhealthy for your health and well-being, not just for you but also for your spouse. A toxic marriage is worth saving, but it requires a lot of effort and commitment from both spouses! 

Steps to Take to Fix a Toxic Marriage

 When people are stuck in harmful patterns and cycles, it is toxic; unhealthy dynamics can be mended with conscious time, effort, and self-awareness. Both people must be willing to change and accept responsibility to move forward.

Here's how to fix a toxic relationship:

1. Evaluate whether the relationship can be fixed.

Yes, toxic relationships can change if spouses are equally committed to change and use self-reflection with honest, open communication and possibly professional help. It requires self-examination of your actions and doing inner work. Suppose you or your partner is unwilling to put in the effort; the relationship will not change, and you should consider ending it. 

2. Be willing to walk away.

Before confronting a spouse, ensure your feelings of strong self-esteem and self-confidence are good enough for you to know that you will be alright. If you're unwilling to leave the marriage, your partner learns they can get away with things.

3. Look for the ABCD Behaviors.

A toxic relationship has a constant presence of ABCD behaviors(accusations, blame, criticisms, and demands). 

4. Use your Voice and Start Taking up Space.

In toxic relationships, you find yourself resentful about not honoring yourself or your own needs to be included in the marriage to avoid upsetting your partner. It's healthy that you feel relaxed and can be yourself and bring up concerns. Exercise your voice thoughtfully; it's a muscle, so keep using it! Share how you feel and how it creates distance in the relationship.

5. Seek out help.
If one or both partners feel worse about themselves when they're in the relationship, it is toxic. You may need professional help to become stronger. Healthy love is nurturing and doesn't involve any acts of earning. You are good enough simply by being who you are. 

6. Learn to trust yourself and stick to your guns.

Toxic relationships often involve gaslighting, which may cause you to doubt your judgment. Cultivating mindfulness practices can be vital to learning how to trust yourself and your own experience. Notice the inconsistencies between what is said and what is happening, and let your partner know you will only engage once they're willing to listen to you. 

7. Together, explore healthier ways to express criticism.

Habitual criticism, judgment, or condemnation is harmful and not helpful in marriage; it crosses the line. 

8. Only move on from conflicts with plans to change.

It is better if partners move on with a plan in place for change and how to approach conflict differently. Establish a safe space where partners can share their feelings, needs, and desires without using the ABCD behaviors.

If you and your partner are struggling with toxic behaviors, Marriage In a Box may be an option for helping to learn new skills, and get suggestions, and support. It is also essential that both spouses know interventions and boundaries to repair the damage in their marriage. 

Consider Marriage In a Box for helpful advice and solutions. Marriage In a Box allows you to access tools professional marriage counselors use and solutions for relationship issues. Marriage coaching is available on the website. Feel free to check out their kit and sources of information online.