Common Marital Struggles During the Holidays
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The Holidays are the most wonderful time of the year, but they can also be the most stressful. Between decorating the house, finding the perfect gifts, juggling holiday parties, and meeting family expectations, the holidays add a lot of pressure to our everyday lives. It’s no surprise that many couples struggle during this busy time of year. Some of the more common struggles and strategies to deal with them are highlighted below.
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Budgeting
One of the most common relationship problems during the holidays is money. Money can create issues at any time of the year, but the holidays can bring out the ugly in finances. Whether you’re living comfortably and have the budget for a big spend for the holidays, or you’re trying to figure out which bills will have to be late so you can afford gifts for the kids this year, budgeting and finances can wreak havoc on relationships when partners are not in agreement about spending.
Solution: Discuss and set a budget for the holidays ahead of time. Start at least three months ahead of the holidays and budget a realistic amount for gifts for each family member, decorations, food, and entertainment. Put aside a set amount each month to go towards your holiday budget. The key is to be on the same page with your spouse. Discuss every financial decision together, and make sure you both agree on it. Stick to your budget plan. If you've budgeted for the holidays this year, you'll be less stressed about spending money on the holiday.
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Where and with Whom to Spend the Holidays
Let's face it: holidays with relatives are stressful. As a married couple, you have not one but two (and sometimes more) families to juggle during the holidays, not including your own.
Solution: Plan ahead! Decide when and where you want to spend Your family Christmas. Then, talk with the in-laws and work out when and where to spend family time with them. If your in-laws live far away, you could try alternating holidays, like spending/thanksgiving with one set of in-laws and Christmas with the other, and then switch every other year. Having a plan your relatives can expect will *hopefully* reduce family drama, making the holidays less stressful for you and your spouse. Set clear boundaries, do what's best for your marriage and your kids, and set your holiday season up for the least stress possible.
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Extra Responsibilities
The holiday season is packed with extra responsibilities, and if you don't communicate who does what with your spouse, you're gearing up for a stressful Christmas. If one spouse does most of the holiday chores, it can build resentment between you. One spouse will feel overworked and underappreciated, while the other is clueless and insensitive to the tension.
Solution: before any of these responsibilities come up, talk about them! Make a list of all the holiday chores you'll need to accomplish (for instance: holiday cooking and baking, Christmas shopping, gift wrapping, decorating, and budgeting). Discuss which responsibilities have fallen on whom in the past and if you'd like to change that this year.
Then assign holiday responsibilities. Expectations will be clear, and the burden won't be reserved for one person. You'll be able to tackle all the not-so-fun things that come with Christmas together as a team.
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Holiday Traditions
Your family may have always opened presents on Christmas Eve, but your partner’s family waited until Christmas morning. Your family may have gone overboard on decorations, holiday baking, and getting lots of presents. However, your spouse’s family may have. As couples, we have believed in a less materialistic, spiritual approach to the holidays. Our holiday traditions are set when we’re children and tend to carry a strong emotional charge, making us more attached to our way and less open-minded or flexible than is ideal.
Solution: Compromise! Don’t be rigid and inflexible by insisting that it be done your family’s way. There is no right or wrong way to celebrate holidays. Create your own holiday traditions as a couple. Talk about what is most important to you during the holidays, and try to blend your ideas together. Without the push and pull of trying to convince your spouse to do it one way or another, you can relax, create your own thing, and enjoy the holidays.
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Drinking & Overindulging at Holiday Parties
At holiday parties and gatherings, the free flow of alcohol can make it easy to overindulge. Often, alcohol stirs up more tension between you and your partner during the holidays.
Solution: Discuss the topic beforehand and come up with some ways to manage this year. Maybe you both agree to a maximum number of drinks, take turns being designated driver so you don’t get stuck somewhere, or decide to forego drinking altogether. If you have a partner who overindulges and doesn’t have a plan to keep it under wraps this year, plan for how you will manage.
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Finding Time to Connect during the Holidays
It is easy to get so busy decorating, cooking and baking, planning and attending holiday parties and family gatherings in addition to your busy work and home life that you can neglect making time for intimacy with your spouse. However, Your emotional connection with your spouse is essential for a happy marriage. Neglecting it can leave partners feeling unimportant, unloved, or not cared about.
Solution: Use your small period of free time to call your partner, message, or video chat with them. Schedule a relaxing, intimate date night ahead of time. Wake up 20 minutes early to cuddle, share conversation, and have coffee together.
Most marital struggles during the holidays can be headed off by planning ahead together. If you are dealing with marital struggles this holiday season, consider using Marriage In a Box for professional support, helpful suggestions, and guidance. Marriage In a Box provides access to tools and techniques that professionals use to address relationship issues. On the site, you can set goals, earn rewards, and find marriage coaching. Check out the available kit and sources of information online.
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