5 Ways To Speak So Your Spouse Will Listen
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A lot of couples run into problems communicating with their spouse because they haven’t taken their spouse’s feelings or time into account before they tried to talk to them about something.
Here are 5 ways to speak so your spouse will actually listen to what you have to say.
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Make sure you have their undivided attention.
Trying to discuss a topic with your spouse when they are watching the most exciting part of the football game, the last episode of their favorite show or in the middle of some project they have been working on, is totally ineffective.
If you want them to listen, choose a time when you can get their undivided attention. For your spouse, try over dinner or after their program is finished or whenever the distractions have reduced.
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Don’t beat around the bush.
Nothing is more aggravating then trying to listen to someone that spends a long time building a story before they get to the point of their conversation. Most people will tune out after 45 seconds if you haven’t made your point.
Before you try to talk to your spouse about an important issue, try thinking through the issue and choosing 3 or 4 points that sum up the issue. Write it down if you have to. After you have made your point, the two of you can discuss the issue better.
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It Should Not Be a Lecture
No one likes to be lectured to because then they are not part of the conversation. Make sure to pause periodically while you are talking to be sure your partner has heard what you are saying. Ask some clarifying questions like “Can you tell me what you heard me say?” Ask for their response “ Are you seeing things the same way I am seeing them?”
Your spouse is a lot more likely to hear what you have to say if they feel like they are part of the conversation and have a say in the matter.
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Respect Their Advice or Feedback
If you have brought a matter to your spouse’s attention in the hopes of eliciting their support and advice, you need to be prepared to listen to what they have to say without judgment. Many people feel shut out when they provide feedback or advice and then their spouse throws it back in their face as being not helpful or wrong.
If you want your spouse to listen to you, you must be willing to listen to them. You don’t have to take their advice or even act on their advice, but if you attack your spouse when they provide you what you asked for, they will not be likely to give it again.
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Give Your Spouse a Head’s Up
Sometimes you may just need to vent your feelings. You may not be looking for your partner to solve a problem or provide advice, you just need a listening ear and to know that you are cared for. However, your partner may not know how to interpret this. Do you really have a problem that needs solving or do you just need a sounding board?
Give your spouse a head’s up about what the conversation is going to be about so they know how to respond. Saying something like “Honey, I’m upset about something that happened to day and I just need someone to talk to” lets him or her know that you are not expecting him or her to solve a problem or give advice.
All of these ways of speaking to your spouse are really ways of respecting their time and making your communication a two-way street.
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