Tips for Parents Setting Summer Boundaries with Kids
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It is innate in a child's nature to test limits, like doing something you don't want them to do or reaching for something they shouldn't. On the upside, setting boundaries with children is integral to growing up and becoming independent. Kids must flex boundary-pushing muscles and sometimes disagree with you to assert their individuality. As a parent, the mission is to teach kids to test their limits respectfully, without being defiant, and to know that you are in charge.
Benefits of Boundaries and Expectations.
Boundaries set by parents allow children to grow up to understand they can't always get their way and to be more patient and mature. The mild disappointment often brought about by boundaries can help children to develop empathy and disrupt the selfish thoughts that the world revolves around them. We all learn from struggling a bit; if we always acquiesce our parental authority to our children, it may not help them long-term. Children will have more maturity, resilience, and adaptability and feel safe and connected if you set boundaries.
Guidelines for Setting Boundaries.
● Plan to prevent problems. Thinking through a situation and all potential pitfalls can save a lot of aggravation later. Talk with your child before you attempt a new boundary to ensure you both understand the expectations for behavior.
● Build success into your expectations. Break large tasks into small pieces for younger children. Structure things to make the boundary doable. Remember, not all children are the same.
● Be sure that expectations are clear and positive. Focus on dos as opposed to don'ts. Explain the 'why' behind a limit. Keep expectations simple and easy to understand.
● Give choices. Children can grow into adults who can make intelligent life choices. Start teaching children how to make choices by offering lots of them.
● Model the behavior you'd like to see. Children will copy the adults in their lives. Set a good example.
● Expect setbacks and testing.
Examples of Summer Boundaries to Set
Discuss expectations for the Summer Routine.
Brainstorm together a list and favorite activities you want to participate in over the summer and write them down. Include some ideas for solo activities that are away from digital devices. Hang the list somewhere; you can refer to it throughout the summer. Talk about the changes in your routine while your family is together. Consider all times of day and include bedtime, mealtimes, and other transitions. This talk can help set expectations for the summer and provide a sense of stability children can thrive on.
Set a Daily Quiet Time.
Consider assigning a time of day to be quiet whenever you are around the house. Turn off devices and media. Get out blankets, books, and snacks, and have a time when the household can slow down and relax. Kids will adopt it as part of their summer routine if practiced initially.
Assign a List of Daily Summer Jobs.
Hopefully, children understand their household responsibilities throughout the year. Consider adding age-appropriate duties to the household since there is more time in the summer. If your child is eager to earn money, put together a list of jobs beyond their typical responsibilities, such as vacuuming the first-floor carpet for a fee. In this way, they will practice taking responsibility for a job and have a chance to earn money this summer while helping you out.
Encourage all family members to work together on chores. Teen children may engage in the world of work to gain job experience, make money, and learn the responsibilities and commitments required of an employee. Developing essential job skills and logging experience for their resume will help them acquire future jobs. A place or environment that gives your teen joy can help engage them in the learning and hard work required of a new entry-level position. Volunteering their time is also valuable in discovering their ability to contribute to others.
Help them prepare for summer activities with a checklist.
To set your children up for success in getting ready and out of the door quickly, consider using a checklist to remember what to put in their backpacks for day camp or the pool. Use a simple list of what's consistently needed (bug spray, suntan lotion, water bottle) to help them take responsibility for their preparation.
Establish Computer, TV, and Phone time limits.
Encourage kids to flourish using multiple non-screen activities in the summer. Emphasize, as a family, the reasons why it's important to limit screen time. Focus on the benefits of using time in other ways and be clear together about what limits you'll agree upon.
It is critical to set boundaries and provide structure to kids during the summer to offset developing destructive behaviors while having quality time and making memories. Consider using Marriage In a Box for helpful suggestions and guidance in setting limits with kids during summer vacation.
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