The Price of Cheating on Your Marriage
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Research shows that there's no on e thing we can point to that triggers infidelity in a happy relationship. Both men and women are susceptible to temptation regarding having affairs. Statistics show how frequently unfaithfulness occurs between the sexes and how attitudes about cheating vary.
- 21% of men have been unfaithful to their spouse or significant other.
- Women tend to cheat less, with only 15% acknowledging an affair in a current or previous relationship which reflects a 40% increase over the past two decades.
- 74% of men say they'd step out on their partners if they knew they could get away with it.
- 68% of women said they would have an affair if there were no chance of their current partner finding out.
Why does a Spouse Have an Extra Marital Affair?
Infidelity has many causes that are complex and varied and occurs in happy relationships as well as in troubled ones. Most affairs are due to relational dissatisfaction, but they can also happen with low self-esteem. Good relationships are balanced in their give and take, and when out of balance, it may lead the partner to look elsewhere. Other infidelity reasons include relationship deficits such as a lack of affection or a social standard that condones cheating.
Those vulnerable to infidelity are conflict avoidant, have a fear of intimacy, or have life changes like parenthood and an empty nest. Some dissatisfied partners begin to exit an unhappy relationship and rewrite their life with a new relationship. Multiple affairs may be a symptom of sex, love, or romance addiction. More recently, Emotional affairs have emerged due to social media and technology and involve secrecy, deception, and possible sexual intercourse.
What Happens When the Other Spouse Finds Out About the Affair?
- Even if the partner suspects something wrong, they are still shocked to discover the truth about the affair.
- The betrayed partner may have bouts of anger, anxiety, and mood swings, and self-esteem may suffer. The wounded spouse will need a lot of patience and emotional support.
- Loss of Trust - When there is betrayal in a relationship, trust is damaged.
- The partner will struggle with whether to stay or leave the relationship. If they remain, they will need a lot of time and patience to repair broken trust. They may micro-manage time and check their partner's texts, emails, and ask questions.
Cheating Spouses Must Cope with What they Have Done.
- The unfaithful spouse should never blame their partner for their decisions and behavior and take full responsibility if they want to restore the relationship or put themselves in a better place for relationships in the future.
- Avoiding the temptation to cheat again must be done. "If you want your marriage to survive, commit to ending all communication with the other person involved.
- Guilt tends to be about the person feeling the emotion. If someone cheats in a relationship, they may feel guilty and ashamed because of judgment for what they did.
- Remorse is an emotion that comes from genuine empathy for the pain the other person feels because of your actions. Someone who feels remorse understands and regrets what they did and the pain it caused someone else.
Can A Marriage Be Rebuilt After an Affair?
Factors that Need to Be Considered include:
Impact on the Children
The lasting effects on children who grow up with infidelity affect their future romantic relationships and their ability to trust. Be mindful of your children, as their feelings matter, and adultery can impact them. Avoid giving children too many details about what happened, but honesty is essential. If they see you working through your mistakes, this can be a positive and vital life lesson.
What will be necessary to rebuild the marriage:
- A sincere remorseful apology is needed to begin the restoration process of safety, shared values between the partners, and a promise of change.
- A willingness to forgive and believe in the other's sincere regret and desire to change is needed for a couple to move on.
- Avoiding the temptation to cheat again and commit to ending all communication with the person with whom you were unfaithful.
- A resilience to trauma will require flexibility to engage in different coping types to overcome it and move forward. As healing begins, it is essential to have clarification as requests come forward, including details and dates, rather than ruminating, obsessing, or interrogating the betraying partner endlessly.
- Reset the trust point by honesty, non-blaming examination of the state of the relationship and its issues before the affair. It is vital to discuss the wants and needs of each partner in a newly repaired marriage, renewing love for themselves and each other and leaving the affair behind.
A Marriage Counselor Can Help
As a neutral third party, a professional counselor/therapist can help guide safely, contain, and consider both partners' feelings. Also, therapy for children involved in infidelity is beneficial if you see increased anxiety, depression, anger, or behavioral issues.
Marriage In a Box can give you access to the simple tools, techniques, and solutions professional marriage counselors use for typical relationship issues. Marriage coaching is also available on the site. You can set goals and earn rewards. Feel free to check out the available kit and sources of information online.
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