The Five Love Problems in Marriage
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For all the joy that romantic relationships bring us, they are hard work. Many people struggle to maintain romantic relationships. Fading enthusiasm, long work hours, and lack of personal time and space are the three most common problems; character issues were more likely to be cited as a problem area among women. In contrast, fading enthusiasm was more common among men.
What makes sustaining a long-term love relationship difficult?
There is a theory that many factors in modern life may compound marriage problems. In more detail, in the times of our grandparents, enthusiasm and intense romantic feelings motivated people to start a relationship and were expected to continue as the relationship progressed. Unfortunately, quality time with our partners is becoming increasingly scarce thanks to technology. Even when together, we are somewhere else, in cyberspace or deep in thought; thus, being near one another while doing something else is not having quality time.
For some whose primary love language is quality time, a lack of connectedness can leave them feeling empty and alone. Support, protection, and survival benefits would take over and provide incentives to people to keep the relationship going. Here are five things that threaten the longevity of a relationship.
1. Absence of Communication or Constant Miscommunication.
Communication is one, if not the single, most crucial part of a relationship. What and how things are said play a massive role in the relationship's health. Even in the healthiest of relationships, there are disagreements. Two people have different experiences and perspectives, and while they may be communicating and talking, what is said can get lost in translation. Many times it is mind-reading that gets us in trouble.
This miscommunication in relationships comes from a tendency as humans to fill in the gaps around things we don't fully understand with worst-case scenarios. We assume the worst rather than assuming the best and are disappointed when reality doesn't measure up. While the impulse to do this is perfectly normal, the consequences of it can be incredibly harmful to our relationships. We assume that the worst-case scenario has to be true so that we can guard against being hurt.
Allowing yourself to regulate your emotions by pausing and taking deep breaths before speaking increases the likelihood of having a more beneficial conversation. Communicate clearly to help your partner understand where you're coming from. Tap into the trust and care in your relationship, stay away from judgment and blame, and hit the restart button as many times as needed.
2. Emotional Distance.
Emotional distance in a relationship refers to how the two partners drift apart. Drifting apart is a slow process and may take time to be noticed by the two people. A couple must quickly work to reduce this gap when there are signs of distance. Emotional distance in a relationship can lead to the couple feeling as if they've lost their passion, have little to say to each other, and may need help communicating. Emotional distance can result from stress, depression, or a need for much alone time. Too much criticism or negative communication and expectations of the partner that is too high can also be a cause. Pursuing your partner can also drive them away.
3. Not Making Quality Time for Each Other.
Ways to increase your quality time are:
● Remain focused while your partner is talking, and be mindful.
● Refrain from viewing your partner as needy for wanting quality time.
● Keep your technology put away when you have time planned together.
● Remember to ask what makes your partner feel loved.
4. Lack of Sexual Intimacy.
Sexless marriages lose intimacy due to a lack of sharing and emotional transparency. They are often marriages that are sexless by default. The very bond between partners often makes the stakes of revealing issues too high. Many issues conspire to steal the sexual bond of partners: anger, the demands of everyday life, fear of dysfunction, and the use of porn.
5. Infidelity.
Marital frustration is a common trigger for infidelity; the cheater may have attempted to solve marriage problems with no results, didn't want to get married, or was jealous of the attention given to a new baby. Neither partner may have had the skills to communicate their feelings. Perhaps the straying spouse has childhood baggage like neglect or abuse, or a parent who cheated interfered with maintaining a committed relationship. The cheater may not value monogamy, lacks empathy, or doesn't care about the consequences. Lack of respect, financial pressures, poor communication, physical and emotional disconnect, and low compatibility are reasons for infidelity.
How to Revive Your Love Relationship
● Consider what has changed.
● Remind yourself about your partner's good qualities.
● Show more interest in your partner.
● Appreciate and respect each other.
● Show empathy.
● Open the paths of communication.
● Make plans together and go on dates.
Making your marriage work for the long term can be challenging. There can be bumps in the road along the way that may benefit from the skills used by professional counselors. Consider using Marriage In a Box for helpful suggestions in going the distance in your relationship.
Marriage In a Box is an excellent resource that provides access to the simple tools and techniques professionals use for relationship issues. You can set goals, earn rewards and find marriage coaching on the site. Check out the available kit and sources of information online.
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