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healthy marriage

Ways to Build a Healthy Marriage

The best way to prevent an affair is to build a healthy marriage. Couples with a healthy marriage feel strong in their love and aren’t swayed by another man or woman’s advances. They are committed to each other and doing what it takes to keep their marriage strong. How do you build a marriage like that?

Drop old grievances.
We all have scars and damage from earlier times in our lives and marriage, but don't use an old fight as a weapon in a new one. It's unfair to throw unresolved issues at one another.  Avoid hot button issues that you've already discussed until you can calmly sit down and talk through them. If you're still having trouble letting it go of them, consider journaling or talking to a counselor to prevent these grievances from undermining your marriage.

Fight fair.
Avoid attacking your partner personally or accusing your spouse when you’re angry and irrational during a particularly bad argument. Call "take it back" whenever either of you says something you don't truly mean. Remind your spouse that you love them and stay focused on finding a solution, which opens the door for a compromise. You both need to know when to apologize.

Know when to listen.
Sometimes, you or your partner just need to vent and spill out all the frustrations of the day. Since your partner loves you and wants you to feel better, they might offer suggestions that can produce the opposite effect intended.  Don’t turn your stress into an argument with them. Listen and thank them for their suggestions.

Get along with each other’s families.

You may not love them, but you need to make the effort to at least be cordial, forgive as much as you can and start fresh with them as a member of the family. If you keep giving your husband or wife a hard time because of a rude comment your mother-in-law made, then he or she will continue to become angry at you and deepen the cracks in your marriage.

Touch as often as possible.
Hold hands. Touch your husband or wife on the arm when you’re both making your morning coffee. Place your hand on his or her cheek when they kiss you good night. These little points of contact are love "marks" that stay with you and them throughout the day. The physical contact keeps you feeling adored by each other. 

Speak kindly of each other.
If you open up to your friends or family members about a fight you had with your spouse, they may not forgive him, even if you have. It's a betrayal to trash-talk your spouse to others. Your personal issues need to stay personal.  Family and friends love it when you talk up his or her awesomeness. Everyone likes to see a happy marriage.

Have fun and a sense of humor

Even when life is stressful, express your playful and silly side by agreeing to participate in sports, video games, exercise, or other spirited activities. Showing this side of your personality reminds your spouse how much fun you are. Even if you're the worst baseball player ever, laugh at your lack of skill (instead of getting angry), so he laughs with you and sees you as adorable.

Communicate clearly about your needs.

Sometimes we all need some time to sit and unwind. Be open and honest whenever you need some alone time, whether it's 15 minutes or an hour, and vice versa. Likewise, don’t expect your spouse to read your mind. If you want something, you need to be direct and let them know, “ I want more intimate time with you.” Openness and honesty is the best way to build a strong, healthy marriage.

Posted 2/23/2022

10 Health Habits of Happily Married Couples

10 Health Habits of Happily Married Couples

Did you know that the divorce rate is highest in January? Too often couples think it’s the holidays, big events, and vacations that make marriage work. It is not the big events, special occasions, or vacations that make a relationship strong or happy. Those things are fleeting. When the holidays or special events are over, you get back from the get-away, and things fall back into the same ole routine. Soon frustration sets in and the marriage begins to deteriorate……again.

If you leave you the dishes in the sink every day, the kitchen will begin to smell. Don’t mow the lawn or weed the yard for a month and you’ll soon see grass and weeds taking over your yard. To keep anything in strong working order requires maintenance. The same is true of your marriage relationship. Here are 10 healthy habits of happily married couples that will change your relationship…permanently.

  1. Talking is giving each other your undivided attention and being truly interested in what your spouse has to say. It’s not about the information; it’s about the connection.
  2. Kisses are sometimes more revealing than words. A kiss has a familiarity, an intimacy, and a connection that says, “you are my love.”
  3. Compliments are the flirtations of married couples. They let you know you are still attractive to your spouse. They let you know you are appreciated by your spouse.
  4. When we share intimacy with someone, when we tell them secrets, share values and passions with them, we connect on a deeper level. We “know them.”
  5. When you sweat together, there is an animal magnetism that is released. The exertion releases adrenalin that energizes you both.
  6. When you do things that you both enjoy together, you relax, enjoy each other’s company, and bond from a simple sharing of life.
  7. Work Together. When you work on projects or home chores or errands together, you learn to value each other more. The shared purpose and comradery can build an emotional connection.
  8. Touch often. When you have a headache, rubbing your temples can ease the pain. A backache is often relieved with a muscle massage. Touch has a relaxing, healing affect that belies trust. So, hold hands, gently touch your spouse’s face or arm.
  9. Laughter can diffuse tension, soothe arguments, fill an awkward silence. When you can laugh with your spouse, you can approach difficult situations from a better angle. Laughter is the best medicine.
  10. Show them you Care. Caring means letting someone know that you see them and value them. Say hello in the morning and give them a hug to let them know you want their presence. Say goodbye and wave when they leave to let them know you will miss them.

Start building these health habits unto your marriage daily and watch the positive changes in your relationship flourish.

Posted 1/5/2022

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