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Will a Spring Getaway Help or Harm Your Marriage?

Daily routines like cleaning, running errands, spending time with family, and even date nights can develop a rote quality. The daily routines and stressors of life can dampen romance and connection. Vacations with your partner may be a time of refreshing and a chance to reignite your relationship and spark. It doesn't have to be fancy or expensive, just a weekend away from what has become mundane. A romantic getaway is a time to keep things light and positive. 

Ways a Spring Getaway Can Help Your Marriage

Being in a Beautiful Place Can Create an Opportunity to Reconnect.

Being together in a scenic and serene setting can bring peace and create an opportunity to focus on each other and reconnect on an intimate level. A beautiful vacation location and change of scenery can inspire couples to take up activities that would foster qualities that initially drew them to one another.

Vacation is a Chance for Personal Relaxation.

Couples may find that being on vacation carries no pressure to do anything or be anywhere on time and allows for personal relaxation. Vacation gives couples a break from their routines and fosters relaxing activities, like nature walks, afternoon naps, breakfast in bed, and massage. A vacation can help couples experience the good in life, revive their romance and deepen their connection.

Travel Can ignite Romance and Intimacy.

A positive correlation exists between high relationship satisfaction and using travel to improve romance. These trips together give much-needed time away from stressors and other demands so couples can focus on each other and experience fun and positive energy. Romantic couples' trips together are essential for sparking romance and sexuality more than couples who do not travel together. 

Ways A Spring Getaway Can Harm Your Marriage.

Travel Can Be Stressful and Exhausting.

Some vacations can be very tiring. Going from city to city and place to place with little time to catch your breath can be fun but exhausting. Unfortunately, when tired, we tend to lash out at our partners, and poor sleep leads to more negative interactions with partners, which may fuel more sleeplessness the next night.

Travel increases opportunities for conflict due to increased interdependence.

We may have more conflicts with our partners because we are highly interdependent during travel. What one partner does has a significant effect on the other partner. Couples must negotiate every decision together during the journey. Even daily disputes over how to spend leisure time are common. 

A Getaway Takes You out of Your Routine and Comfort Zone.

Embrace the good and the bad of your partner; you will have some beautiful moments but don't expect everything to be rosy. Every second of your trip will not be glamour and romance because sometimes:

  1. There are delayed flights. 

  2. One or the other may get lost.

  3. There can be frustrations with language.

All these things can kill romance. Travel has an inherent advantage: it constantly adds excitement and novelty to your life. Some level of routine is acceptable, but don't get so caught up in the daily routine and schedule that you forget:

  • spontaneity

  • romance 

  • small loving gestures.

Try to shake things up and consider what that means to you and your partner. 

How To Ensure Your Vacation Is a Happy One.

Make Planning the Vacation Itinerary a Couple's Activity.

It can deepen your intimate connection to ask and listen to each other about your desires for this vacation. Once you know what your partner wants from the holiday, you can create a mutually beneficial plan. Make choosing a destination, lodging, and forming an itinerary part of the fun. Couples should also discuss their expectations for the trip and be specific about how they want to feel when they return home. 

Provide Room for Downtime.

Instead of a packed itinerary, maximize downtime and focus on a relaxing experience with your partner. If you plan too much, you'll focus on adhering to the schedule rather than being present and taking in the experience. Give yourself a chance to feel all the experiences with your partner and create memories while on vacation.

Choose some Activities new to Both of You.

Choosing a new activity for both of you can deepen your emotional connection. Whatever activity you choose, be it ziplining, walking in nature, or a winery tour, ensure it's a new experience for both of you. Free yourself of your daily roles at home and bring in the playful parts of you: the adventurer, the lover, the free spirit.

Spend time talking and listening together.

Couples need to spend time together while on vacation, discussing how to keep the connection alive in their daily lives and renew their commitment. Practice active listening as a couple and plan time to put the phones away. Have an undistracted conversation and practice active listening and mindful presence with each other.

Focus on showing each other love. 

Talk about when you first met and what you loved about each other to remember what attracted you. Take up activities on your vacation that foster the qualities that initially drew you to one another. Take time to hold hands, kiss, and hug without pressure to have sex. Vacation is an excellent way to focus on showing love through the other person's love language or how they show their love (whether it be gifts, acts of service, affirming words, touch, or quality time together).

A couple's getaway is great for refreshing your intimacy and connection. If you continue to have trouble connecting as a loving couple, consider using Marriage in a Box for helpful advice and suggestions to guide you through the stages of reconnecting.

Marriage In a Box is a great resource that gives you access to the simple tools, techniques, and solutions that professional marriage counselors use for typical relationship issues. Marriage coaching is also available on the site. You can set goals and earn rewards. Feel free to check out the available kit and sources of information online.

Posted 3/29/2023

4 Ways To Include Romance In The Family Vacation

Traveling with the kids has its challenges. Packing and carrying all the extra gear for little ones like strollers, toys, diapers, etc. does not exactly put you in the mood for romance. However, a family vacation is not just for the kids. Mom & Dad need vacation time too and some time for each other. It’s important for your children to see that you love each other in order for them to feel secure. You are also providing a picture of a healthy marital relationship for your kids. So, how can you sneak a little romance into that family vacation?

Plan ahead to include some romance in your Family vacation. Consider sleeping arrangements, such as adjoining hotel rooms or a hotel suite. If you cannot afford another hotel room or a suite, wait until the children are asleep and head down to the hotel bar. Some vacation hotels have supervised kid clubs where you can drop the kids off for a few hours for a fee and go off on your own for a little romance.

Incorporate small little “love winks” into your day with the family. As you spend time on the beach with the family, chase your spouse into the water for a quick embrace. If you are hiking in a national park, hold hands as you walk or give your spouse a love peck on the cheek. Take some time while you inch your way through the lines at the amusement park to put your arms around your spouse’s shoulders and hug.  Little “love winks” let your partner know that you are thinking about them, wanting them, and loving them.

Go ahead and flirt with your spouse. When you were dating, there was a lot of flirting going on before any physical romance took place. Time to drag that flirt out of the closet and spring it on your spouse. Whisper something sexy in their ear as you brush past them in the hotel room. Snuggle up against them on the beach as you watch the kids play. Say something suggestive in front of the kids and listen to your kids giggle as your spouse blushes. Flirting is a way of romancing your partner and showing them that you still have that “spark” for them.

Use your imagination and get creative. Wherever you are staying, even if it is a one room motel room, you can create a little romance. Put the kids down to sleep and grab a bottle of wine or a cocktail and a candle and slip out of the room to the balcony. Light the candle, open the wine and enjoy gazing at the stars and cuddling together.  If your room is near the motel pool, take a late-night dip in the pool and watch the temperature rise.

Stolen romantic moments that belong just to the two of you are the memories you carry for a lifetime. So go ahead and put some spice in your family vacation.

Posted 6/16/2021

Build Up Your Marriage as you Plan the Family Vacation

Most couples dread planning a summer vacation. There are so many options it is difficult to settle on just one.  A vacation requires careful planning because there are so many details to manage to avoid potential conflict and overspending. While many spouses let one handle the vacation details, it is a much better idea to plan the vacation together.

Here are some ground rules for planning the vacation with your spouse.

  • Don’t take over the decision making. You both should discuss what things you want from your vacation and any concerns you have about the vacation. You both want to be on the same page about where you are going, what you are going to do there, and how much you have to spend.
  • Be prepared to compromise. Each of you has unique tastes and preferences, but you want to make sure that everyone will be happy with the vacation arrangements. Respect your spouse’s opinion and be willing to give a little to make it work.
  • Don’t argue or fight over the small things. If you cannot agree on something about the vacation plan, agree to discuss that item at a later time and keep planning the vacation.

As you plan, remember that the more decisions you make ahead of vacation time, the fewer conflicts you will have to deal with on vacation.

  1. Take time to Dream.

Choosing a destination is the starting point for any vacation plan, because it determines everything else. Use your imagination as you discuss memories of places you went as a child, places you always wanted to go, or the type of vacation.  Do you want to rent a house, a hotel room, a condo and plan your own activities? Perhaps you would like a cruise or vacation club where everything is included.

  1. Decide your vacation budget and stick to it. You and your spouse can decide how much you have available to spend for vacation. Have some fun researching and sharing what you find on the internet for transportation, places to stay, restaurants, can’t miss things to see and do. Sit down together and develop a budget and don’t forget to include “mad money” for must have kid toys etc.
  1. Identify possible argument hot buttons ahead of time and make a plan to avoid them.
  • Don’t expect mom to cook every meal while on vacation. If you rent a house or condo, plan to shop for or bring food that you know everyone will eat and keep it simple. If you plan to stay in a hotel, chose one with breakfast included so everyone will have a variety to choose from. Scout out restaurants with a variety of food for everyone in your budget range in the area of your vacation destination. Decide where to eat each day or night before you get there.
  • Keep in mind the ages of your children when planning vacation activities. You may really want to go water skiing, however, if your children are all under the age of 8, you may want to take a babysitter or grandparents along so they can watch the little ones while you go do some “grown up” activities. On the flip side, older children are easily bored, so plan to keep them busy with sightseeing or adventure activities.
  • Space and Downtime. Whenever is crammed into a tiny hotel room together, tempers can flare. Get adjoining rooms or rent something with some extra space. It’s tempting to want to go-go-go while one vacation, everyone gets cranky when they miss a nap or don’t get enough sleep. Build time in the vacation schedule each day for downtime.

The simple act of planning a vacation with your spouse can bring you closer together and you can enjoy it as much as the vacation itself.

Posted 6/9/2021

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