How To Be A More Supportive Spouse.

When two people exchange their wedding vows, they promise to love, honor, and cherish, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for as long as they both shall live. The vow is stating that you pledge unconditional love to each other no matter what the circumstances are.

You pledged your love and support forever to your spouse. However, when life takes a sideways turn, one spouse can fear that the other spouse may not be there for them. All human beings need the reassurance that their spouse will love, care for, respect, and support them even in their lowest moments.

What is a supportive spouse?

Being a supportive spouse does not mean that you will wait on them hand and foot or do whatever they tell you. A supportive spouse is not someone who gives into your every demand. A supportive spouse is a true partner.  It means that you support your spouse by:

1. Giving them space to make their own Choices. No one likes to be told what to do or to have all their decisions made for them. Whether they are trying to make a major life decision such as whether to change jobs or start a business or smaller decisions such as whether to attend their high school reunion, be supportive by listening to them, discussing the matter with them, and allowing them to make the choice.
2. Encourage your spouse to tackle something new to them or important to them. Support your spouse by becoming their biggest cheerleader in whatever they undertake to do. Pump up their self-esteem and let you know you believe in their abilities.
3. Respect your partner and let them know they are important to you. Listen to what your spouse has to say and make them feel like you are truly interested by participating in the conversation. Ask for your partner’s opinion before making decisions about things you both will use, share, do.
4. Give of your time to be with them and attend functions important to them. People’s lives are busy, and in many families, both spouse’s work. Make sure that you make your spouse a priority in your life. Schedule date nights, keep a calendar of events or functions that you both want to attend together. If you say you will be there, be there.

How to become a supportive spouse?

You support your spouse by how you communicate and show your support.

Communication involves:

• Listening to your partner without judgement
• Participating in the conversation
• Trying to Understand your spouse’s opinion
• Respecting their Point of view
• Being honest
• Expressing gratitude to your spouse
• Being a Cheerleader
• Making time to sit and talk
• Apologizing when you are wrong
• Praise your spouse often

Showing your spouse support means:

• Paying attention to your spouse
• Being considerate to your spouse
• Helping your spouse
• Viewing your spouse as a partner
• Taking time to be with, play, laugh with your spouse
• Respecting your spouse’s time and individual plans
• Viewing your spouse’s needs as equal to yours
• Give your spouse their space
• Be thoughtful and empathetic
• Let your spouse do things their way
• Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt

Even if you have not been supportive in the past, you can start being a more supportive spouse today by doing better at communicating and showing your spouse that you love, care about, respect, and want to support them.

When you feel safe enough with your spouse to be yourself, you know you are in a supportive relationship. When you trust your spouse and believe that you can count on them in any situation, you have built a solid, supportive marriage.

Make the Holiday Special for Your Spouse.

Tis the week before Christmas and the cookie baking is done, and most of the holiday parties are over. This is the week that most people focus on family and spending time with loved ones. Have you gotten that special something for your spouse yet? Have you and your spouse carved out any time to spend together?

So often, most of use become so busy in the traditions, rituals, parties, and decorations of the holidays that we forget to make time for “us”. It’s not too late to deliberately connect to your spouse and make the holiday special.

Set the Scene for Cuddling.

Put the kids to bed and build a warm, crackling fire in the fireplace. Turn the TV off and put some music on low. Light a few candles and sit down with some steaming mugs of hot chocolate or tea and snuggle up together. There is something comforting about just relaxing, decompressing, and snuggling up in the arms of your sweetie.

Get Out Together.

Who doesn’t love the twinkling Christmas lights, wreaths, nativity, Santa, and his reindeers, and all the other decorations that reminds us that it is Holiday time? Go take a walk through a Nativity or drive through a Holiday light display and enjoy strolling hand in hand with your spouse. If you are feeling more ambitious, go ice skating together.

Go shopping together.

Perhaps you still have more items to get on your Holiday shopping list.  Enlist your partner’s help and go have lunch at a sweet little café, spend some time just talking and the go shopping together.

Have a wrapping party.

Pour two glasses of sparkling cider or wine. Get out all the wrapping paper, boxes, ribbon, tags, scissors, and tape. Put on Mariah Carey or Michael Bublé’s Christmas album. Then, have fun wrapping the presents together and putting them under the tree.

Give each other a massage.

After all the stress of working and trying to get ready for the holidays, a relaxing, sensual massage sounds heavenly. Get a jar of coconut oil at a local health food store. Go in the bedroom and lock the door. Put few scented candles around and play some soft music.

Give your spouse a slow massage with the coconut oil first working deep into the muscles and then gradually getting softer. Next, it is your turn to get a massage from your spouse. Who knows where this could lead to?

Don’t forget the romance.

Have a quiet dinner together and lean in as you talk to each other.

Turn on some music and slow dance in the living room.

Put on provocative lingerie and seduce your spouse.

It doesn’t really matter what you decide to do together, as long as you are doing it together and connecting without distractions. Take some time this holiday season to tune out the worldly noise and to-do lists and spend some quality time with your spouse. It will do wonders for your marriage and make your holiday spirits bright.