Sharing A Life Together Takes Planning
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Most people have an image in their mind of how a relationship should work. For many, it’s that both people share responsibilities 50/50. For others, it’s a traditional view that the wife takes care of the household while the husband takes care of the job and yard. The reality lies somewhere in between.
Most marriages involve two working spouses with hectic schedules and high expectations for their home life together. It is almost impossible to divide the labor 50/50 because at any given time one of you is going to be unavailable to get something done. The traditional division of labor doesn’t work either because you both work. So how do you divide the labor?
You’re sharing a life together, so you need to plan and account for each person’s needs and resources.
- Respect each other’s time and work constraints.
My husband is a planning manager at a pharmaceutical company and works 45+ hours at the office every week. I work from a home office. It does not make sense for my husband to take care of the parenting duties. However, it’s not fair for me to take care of all the parenting duties. So, we split it up. I get the kids fed, clothed and off to school, and take them to after school activities. When my husband comes home, after dinner, he gets the kids bathed and off to bed.
- Figure out what you are each good at, what you each love/hate doing, and then arrange the division of labor accordingly.
I love to cook but my husband can barely boil water. So I cook and he cleans up the dishes. My husband is very picky about how his clothes are cleaned, whereas I just need them to be clean and unwrinkled. I have allergies so I can’t tolerate dust in the house. Our solution: He does the laundry and I do the dusting and dust mopping.
- Discuss everything that’s going on in the household and what each of you can do to change the things that aren’t working.
Set aside a pre-arranged time for you both to sit down and talk about each of the things that need to get done in the household and evaluate how the current arrangement is working. Is there is something that is not getting done to one or the other’s satisfaction; talk about alternative ways that specific item can be done better.
The common thread is continuous communication. Communication is what keeps you in touch with each other and how you read each other’s needs. It is also how you avoid conflict and arguments about who should do what and when.
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