Sex Should Leave Both Partners Satisfied
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According to a marriage study conducted by the University of Georgia, approximately 15% of married couples are sexless: Spouses haven’t had sex with each other in the past six months to one year. If a couple doesn’t have sex, but they both feel satisfied, then there is no problem. The issue is when there’s a mismatch in desire.
Sex drive can be affected by a number of things, including depression, medication, stress, health, affairs, previous sexual trauma, pornography, and pain with sex, medical issues such as erectile dysfunction, and relationship dissatisfaction.
Each partner deserves to be happy in the relationship, and to have his or her needs met. People are not naturally made to be celibate. If a partner is not getting what they need sexually from the relationship, it opens the door to adultery, divorce etc.
Why would someone stay in a sexless marriage?
- Too embarrassed to talk about it.
Many people are embarrassed about sex and have difficulty talking about it –even with their partner. So they just go along pretending that things will get better over time.
If a problem is never acknowledged, it is not very likely that it will get better with time. There is nothing embarrassing about having sex, enjoying sex or wanting better and more sex. Sex is an important aspect of a marital relationship. If you love the person you’re with, then the sooner you speak up, the better. You can’t expect the other person to read your mind.
- Fear that you are not doing something right.
Good sex is something that can be learned or in some instances taught. If you have an open and honest relationship with your partner, it should be fairly easy and even enjoyable teaching each other what feels good and what doesn't. Exploring each other’s body is sensual and most importantly, it bonds you both in an intimate, deeply meaningful way.
When a marriage is sexless because one partner simply does not want sex, it can lead to deep hurt for the other partner. They can feel unattractive, unwanted, and ultimately unloved. Most people assume it is the wife who does not want sex, but in 35% of marriages, it is the man who does not want to engage in sex.
You don’t have to settle for a sexless marriage.
The first step is to understand why your relationship is sexless.
You may no longer feel physically attracted to your partner or vice-versa. You may just not set aside time to be intimate because you and your partner have numerous commitments and responsibilities. You may find sex boring because it doesn’t feel good to you.
No matter what the reason, you and your partner need to communicate with each other to determine the reason.
Spend time together and do things together. Over time, many couples drift apart and, although they live together under the same roof, they live separate lives. Start taking an interest in something your spouse does and join in. As you spend time together, you will talk and your friendship and relationship will build. The rest will come naturally.
The third step is to take it slow with your partner. While many men can get aroused immediately, it usually takes a woman several minutes of foreplay to begin to get aroused. Cuddle, touch, kiss and whisper things you love about your partner into their ear. Often times, affection and caring can arouse your partner into sex.
Every part of a successful relationship takes work and attention. Sex is no different. It’s as important as keeping good communication going and showing one another care and affection. They are all interconnected. As you work on your relationship, you will find your feelings will develop and grow and sex will become an enjoyable and natural part of your marriage again.
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