Reconnecting With Your Spouse Starts with Honest Communication
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Good communication is the foundation of any healthy, long-lasting relationship.
However, many people struggle with communicating with their partners. People
struggle to communicate in relationships for many reasons. If your partner doesn’t
know what you’re feeling or thinking, or what you need, how can they be expected
to get it right? When both partners are willing to authentically communicate and
share, it can lead to a deeper understanding of each other and help rebuild the
connection in the relationship.
The Importance of Honest Communication
Communicating honestly in a relationship means that you and your partner can have open conversations about all the things you need, want, and feel in ways that allow both people to feel fully understood and cared for. Communication is important because it fosters trust and connection. To have an open, honest, and vulnerable relationship with our partner, we must be able to freely communicate in a healthy manner.
3 Reasons People Struggle to Communicate with Their Partner
1. Fear is often the main reason we don't communicate well. We fear that if we bring things up, there's a possibility that the differing viewpoints will create division and lead to the end of the relationship.
2. Conflict Avoidance. Poor communication skills often lead to aggressive speech, which turns into an ugly argument. Aggressive speech can involve:
• raising your voice, screaming, or yelling
• blaming, criticizing, or attacking your partner’s character
• controlling or dominating the conversation
3. Vulnerability and self-expression are generally difficult for some people.
You or your spouse may have grown up in a family that didn't talk much about their feelings, or they've been in past relationships where they were shamed or shut down for how they felt.
These behaviors allow you to express your frustration without having to talk about issues and drives a wedge between you and your partner. Lack of communication erodes relationships because partners are no longer connecting fully with each other. Harboring issues under the surface only fuels resentment and compounds problems.
6 Steps to Foster Honest Communication with Your Partner
1. Establish guidelines for how you want to approach communication as a
couple
Begin the conversation with expressing your desire to know your partner better and how you hope you can talk to each other. Talking about how you want to handle disagreements as a couple, how you want to start those conversations, and what to do if the conversation gets too heated.
2. Create a pattern of openness
Create a sustainable pattern of being honest, staying connected, and remaining open to each other. Focus on getting issues out in the open rather than repressing them out of fear of conflict. Tell your partner when something is bothering you in the relationship. Let them know what you are thinking and feeling so they're not in the dark and so you're not letting resentment fester under the surface. Ask for their help in understanding the issue.
3. Create a Safe Space
A “safe space” refers to an emotional environment where both partners feel secure enough to be vulnerable. A safe space encourages open and honest communication, which is the cornerstone of emotional intimacy. Good communication involves being open to listening and understanding your partner’s views, even if they differ from yours.
It also means using respectful language when expressing your thoughts or concerns. don’t raise your voice, don’t get aggressive, and don’t shut your partner down when they express something you disagree with. If your partner is upset about something, be supportive and show you care by validating their feelings and offering advice if they want it. When you create a safe space, you’re setting the stage for meaningful conversations to take place.
4. Express Yourself Clearly, Honestly, and Gently
Couples with good communication skills directly tell each other about their fears and frustrations rather than hiding how they truly feel out of fear of judgment or causing division. But the key is that they're able to communicate those tougher feelings without hurting each other or negatively impacting the relationship in the process.
Using I-language is a strategy for expressing your thoughts and feelings in a non-blameful manner. This means using language that emphasizes how you feel instead of focusing on what your partner is doing wrong or getting into an argument with your partner. For example, rather than saying, “You never show me any affection anymore”, say, “I feel lonely and miss the affection we used to share”. I-language helps create a sense of understanding between partners and can go a long way in reconnecting emotionally with your partner.
5. Practice Active Listening
Communicating honestly is not just about speaking your opinions and feelings. it’s about listening to your partner’s as well. It’s about acknowledging their pain, understanding their perspective, and showing empathy. Active listening is the process of understanding and responding to the other person’s feelings rather than just their words. This means being fully present and engaged in the conversation without any distractions. Pay attention, make eye contact, and give your partner your full attention. Absorb what they are saying without making assumptions or judgments.
Ask questions and clarify what you don’t understand. This shows your partner that you’re paying attention, you care, and you’re invested in what they’re talking about as opposed to just waiting for them to finish.
6. Make time for Regular Check-ins
Couples should make time for regular check-ins. This means dedicating some time to discuss how the relationship is going and setting up plans to keep it strong and healthy in the future. Making regular relationship check-ins can help partners stay connected, foster trust, and nurture emotional intimacy in the long run.
Benefits of Honest Communication
Honest communication enhances your relationship and well-being in several ways, such as the following:
• Strengthening emotional intimacy and connection.
• Building and maintaining trust.
• Enhancing mutual understanding and empathy.
• Reducing and resolving conflicts more effectively.
Forming a close emotional connection with another person requires a mutual give-and-take. It is a two-way street involving expressing your thoughts and emotions and making space for your partner’s experiences.
Reconnecting with your partner takes time and effort from both partners. It won’t happen overnight, but with patience and dedication, you can practice and nurture honest communication and restore that special bond in your relationship.
Seeking additional support and guidance? Consider exploring resources like Marriage In a Box. This platform offers access to professional tools and techniques to help you navigate the complexities of blended family life. With features like goalsetting, rewards, and marriage coaching, Marriage In a Box can be a valuable companion on your journey towards a harmonious and fulfilling blended family experience.
Learn more about our Couples Therapy Exercises