No Boundaries For Children Disrupts Your Marriage
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Children are a blessing, until they’re not. In today’s society, many parents have overindulged their children to the detriment of their own marriage. We have all seen the parents in the restaurant with the child throwing a tantrum because they don’t get their way.
Why do parents spoil their children? Some do it temporarily to placate them into behaving. “If you are a good girl while we are in the stores, Mommy will buy you a toy.” Often, both parents work and are riddled with guilt at not being able to spend enough time with their children. They overcompensate by spending most of their free time taking their children to sports and activities. Then there are those parents that indulge their children because thy do not want to lose their friendship, so they don’t discipline or set boundaries for their children.
As these children grow up, they believe that everything should be “ all about them”. Parents have sent the message that the children are “in charge”. It is not long before your precious children are mean, uncaring, selfish, “brats”, who will have trouble making friends, having a meaningful relationship with others, and negotiating with or deferring to others.
It is not too late for parents to protect their relationships with each other while also caring for a child with challenging behavior?
Change your priorities. Prioritize your partner and your marriage over the children. Stop downgrading your needs. Make sure you and your partner make time for each other daily. Show your spouse how important they are to you by greeting them with a smile and a kiss when they walk through the door. A happy marriage produces happy, healthy children.
Protect your time together as a couple. Every couple needs time for intimate conversations and sex. Hire a babysitter, send the kids to the grandparents for the night, or put a lock on your bedroom door if you have to, but give yourselves some privacy as a couple. Don’t permit children to barge in on you. Don’t let children interrupt you when you and your spouse are talking. It will take some training on how to be respectful, but it will be worth the effort in the long run.
Stop pretending to be the perfect parent. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. Every parent makes mistakes. You do not have to give your child everything they ask for, or provide them the newest and latest stuff. Provide your children love, food, care, and family time. Just be a good parent.
Don’t cater to your children, involve them. Make every member of the family responsible for specific household tasks, including the children. Even small children can pick up their toys and straighten their room. Make a game of it. If everyone pitches in, there is more time for fun family activities.
Parent as a team by setting boundaries. You and your spouse need to spend some time talking about establishing daily routines for our children and what things you will not permit your children to do. Children need boundaries to help them feel safe and teach them right from wrong. A specific daily routine lets them know what to expect each day. Anticipating bad behavior and setting consequences for that behavior helps parents establish a united front for the children and discipline with love.
You and your spouse have to work to establish and maintain boundaries with your children that allow you to connect to each other one-on-one and keep your marriage happy.
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