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Nitpicking And Nagging Can Ruin Your Marriage

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He usually forgets to put the toilet seat down. She usually leaves sticky hairspray on the bathroom counter. We all have bad habits or personality flaws that can get on a spouse’s nerves. Sometimes that annoyance results in one spouse nitpicking or nagging the other to do something or not do something.

This kind of fussy fault-finding usually involves petty, inconsequential issues or tasks. Most people who nitpick or nag don’t mean to disrespect their spouse. However, if you do it on a regular basis, it raises a big red flag in your marriage, ultimately tearing away at the bond in your relationship.

When you point out what your partner has or hasn't done or how they said or did something wrong, you may be belittling, embarrassing, and demeaning your partner. You're also saying that you want the other person to change and that they aren't good enough. Nitpicking or nagging are signs that you don’t respect your spouse.

How to Deal with Each Other’s Quirk’s

Address the real underlying need. There are no perfect people in this world an no amount of nagging or nitpicking will turn your spouse into a perfect person. We each have different personalities and habits. We can change in small ways, but a leopard cannot change its spots.

Those personality quirks and habits have always been there. They were there when you were dating. They were there when you got married. Over the years, for some reason, those quirks and habits began to get on your nerves, and you started nagging or nitpicking.

It is quite possible that your nagging or nitpicking is covering up something else you need. Are you seeking your spouse’s attention? Are you angry at your spouse for some slight? Try to open up to your spouse and communicate what is really bothering you. Make the attempt to resolve the underlying need.

Be Nice. You catch more bees with honey than with vinegar. Rather than use negative behavior to try to change your spouse’s habits, show them kindness and respect. Talk to them as an equal instead of scolding them like a child. Bring up one thing that is bothering you in a friendly tone of voice and ask nicely if you and your spouse can talk about it and come to some type of solution. Please and Thank You goes a long way in a relationship. “Please put the toilet seat down after using the toilet.” OR “ You need to put the seat down when you use the toilet.” Which sounds nicer?

Learn to Live With it. If you constantly nag and nitpick your spouse, they will grow tired of never meeting your expectations, always disappointing you, and always feeling like a failure. No one wants to live in an unhappy marriage. Eventually they will look for a way out.  You have flaws just as your spouse has flaws. Happiness comes from learning to overlook the flaws and love each other for who you are, spots and all.

Don’t Put Up with Nagging or Nitpicking. Marriage has enough conflicts from external sources without inventing internal conflicts by nitpicking and nagging. If you feel you are being nagged or nitpicked by your spouse, you should tell them that you have had enough of their nagging and nitpicking and take a time out from them. Hopefully, after you have done this a few times, your spouse will stop.

Abusive behavior in a marriage is never okay. While you may think it is constructive criticism, your spouse won’t see it that way. Take steps to stop this destructive behavior or seek professional help from a marriage coach at

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