Marriage Requires A Fair Division Of Labor
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According to a study in the American Sociological Review, an unequal division of labor increases the risk of divorce. As more women have taken positions in the work force, the traditional roles of marriage where the husband is the breadwinner and the wife is the homemaker, have changed.
In couples married before 1974, who might have more traditional views on the division of labor between spouses, wives who did 75 percent of the housework were less likely to divorce than wives who did 50 percent of the housework. In marriages since 1975, the study found that women were still doing the majority of the housework, although men were expected to pitch in more and typically did.
Issues around the division of labor are common in most marriages
Issues around the division of labor are common in most marriages and there’s a lot that goes into what you each perceive as being “normal” or “fair”. Equal is a numbers thing, where household labor is divided 50/50. Fair is a perception thing. For most of us, our expectations are that husband and wide share the household labor 50/50. However, our perceptions often create barriers to that equality.
Barrier #1: The husband wants to do more, but the wife prefers it done to a higher standard. So, she feels he’s not doing enough.
Barrier #2: Wives who earn less than their husbands often feel the need to make up for it by doing more around the house.
Barrier #3: The husband may have a tendency to compare what the wife does to what their mother used to do or what so-and-so ‘s wife does. The same is true for the wife.
How do you overcome those barriers?
- Have a really good conversation with your spouse about actual tasks, chores, work and childcare. Talk about roles and expectations. What happened in your family of origin, what you expect to do the same and what you expect to do differently?
- Be willing to be flexible and pick up the slack when your spouse is particularly busy at work. You are in this together, so work as a team.
- Don’t compare your spouse to someone else. You married her or him for who they are. Show appreciation. Be willing to acknowledge each other.