Making Marriage Work Through Thick or Thin
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When each of us gets married, we take a vow. How many of us actually analyzed what that vow truly meant? If you are like countless others, your thoughts were more on planning the perfect wedding than on the promises you were making to each other. Most vows went something like this:
“I take this Man/Woman to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, forsaking all others, till death us do part."
To Have and To Hold
…what exactly does this mean? BE AVAILABLE. To have and to hold encompasses the emotional, spiritual and physical connection we are to share with our spouse. We are promising to make ourselves available to our spouse–not only sexually, but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually as well. And our spouse promises to the same for us.
For Better or Worse.
TAKE THE GOOD WITH THE BAD. This promise couldn’t be clearer. It means just what it says. If we are married long enough, we will most likely experience the death of someone we love, the loss of a job, an empty nest or any number of other challenges. There is a comfort found in knowing we have a partner to share life’s struggles. We do not have to go them alone. Give thanks in the good times and hold tight to each other when the seas are the roughest.
In sickness and in health.
TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER. Can you be counted on to be there for your spouse when they are sick? What if they are suffering with an addiction, depression, chronic fatigue or Alzheimer’s? As individuals we can take steps to stay healthy, but we are not invincible, and any type of illness can stress a relationship. Sickness can raise fear and insecurity, causing some to withdraw emotionally.
To Love and to Cherish…
NOURISH AND PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE. Infidelity is on the rise among couples, and the “I” centered worldly message is all but undermining the message of “love one another.” It doesn’t mean to love each other until we feel bored, unheard, misunderstood, or are let down. We are to love, cherish, and be faithful always.
Till Death Us Do Part.
DON’T TAKE YOUR MARRIAGE FOR GRANTED. Once you or your spouse has been called home, there will be no more chances to make amends, make love, hold hands, or cherish one another.
Those relationships that make it through the tests of time, that make it through the ups and down of life, from arguments, loss of jobs, money problems, teenagers, midlife crisis, health issues, and mothers-in-laws, to boot, are built on an integral strength that is based on real connection.
Real connection, is an authentic, undeniable, mutual connection built on real appreciation and respect for each other. Real connection is when we instinctively turn to each other, rather than to someone else. It is not a compromise or a settling. And, it's not that "I can't live without you," it's rather, "I don't want to live without you."
The real reality of marriage is work. It’s developing a real connection and working through the hard times to figure out how to get to the good ones.
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