Is Your Smartphone Interfering in Your Marriage?
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Romantic texts, playful social media posts and random video chats are sweet ways for couples to stay connected. Regular communication with your spouse through texts and Facebook posts might even make couples happier and more secure in their relationship. However, when your smartphone replaces your time together, face-to-face conversation, and intimacy, it has become an unwelcome third party to your marriage.
Over 2 million Americans use their phones for calls, texts, Facebook, Pinterest, news feeds, sports scores, video streaming, music, and endless apps. We sleep with our phones on the nightstand, set them on the counter to help us make meals, rest them on the table as we eat, keep them on our desk as we work, and take them with us in our pocket or purse wherever we go.
At what point are we choosing to spend more time with our smartphones than with our spouses?
Experts say that smartphone use is meddling in our marriages in ways that are frustrating, causing quarrels and division among couples. The problem is that when we text, e-mail, Facebook, and the like, we are replacing the physical and emotional connection with a digital connection. When we tune into our smartphones and digital devices, we tune out to each other and gradually grow apart.
Physical and emotional connection is essential to forge and retain an intimate relationship in marriage.
A smartphone cannot create a deep, meaningful relationship between you and your spouse. We use our voices, body language, and touch to:
Communicate with each other. Couples need meaningful conversation to stay connected. The constant distraction of a smartphone prevents good conversation. It keeps spouses at a surface level of interaction and minimizes deep, intimate communication.
Express our love for each other. We need sweet spoken words, hugs, kisses, and intimate touch to love and be loved. Using your smartphone instead of engaging in these special moments with your spouse can make them feel as if they are in a competition to get your attention. It sends the message that you’re not fully invested in the moment. You are more interested in your phone than in having sex with your spouse.
Relate to one another. You need time together to experience each other. Time spent together exercising, watching your favorite TV show, going for a walk, having a date night, sitting on the beach, etc. is sacred because it promotes fun, laughter, play, new activity and conversation. That time helps you relate to each other and deepen your bond.
Set Boundaries on Smartphone use to protect your Marriage.
No devices during mealtime. Dinner time should be reserved for face-to-face conversation. There will be plenty of time after dinner to reply to phone calls and text messages.
No phones in the bedroom. Sleeping and intimate times should not be disrupted by texts or Facebook posts.
No technology on dates or time together. When out at restaurants, or spending time together, no phone use is allowed unless it is a call from the babysitter.
When you have something important to talk about, do it in person. No texting or talking on the phone. There is a huge gap in a ‘conversation’ when texting because you don’t fully understand what that person really means unless you hear the tone in their voice or see their face. Things can be taken the wrong way, creating bad feelings. Face-to-face communication is best.
Anything that interrupts or replaces your time together or connection to each other is not healthy for your marriage. Show your spouse that they are more important than anything else by limiting your smartphone use.
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