Is you marital sex life intimate or selfish?
Sex is a difficult subject for many people. It is hard for someone to talk about what their expectations of marital intimacy are because they may fear your judgement or rejection.
As a result, some people stay quiet and assume their partner knows what to do and when. Others will just do what they want to do and assume their partner is fine with it.
The result is a selfish sexual experience rather than the give and take of marital intimacy.
You might be selfish in your sex life if:
- You Don't Pay Attention to Your Partner’s Pleasure.
Your spouse gives you a long romantic massage. Do you return the favor or roll over and fall asleep? Most of us don’t want to be with a partner who takes but gives nothing in return. That is the very definition of selfishness.
Does your partner's pleasure and satisfaction matter to you? Start taking the time to focus on your partner and communicate with them about their experience. If you truly love your partner, you should always want to ensure that your partner is enjoying themselves as much as you are enjoying yourself.
- You Always Expect Your Partner to Initiate Sex
Some partners don’t want to put themselves in the vulnerable position of initiating sex, or they enjoy the thrill of being the one to say “yes” or “no”. It’s not fair to put all of the burden of your sex life on your partner’s shoulders. That is selfish.
Switch it up a little. Why don’t you play out a fantasy where you are the one to initiate intimacy? Set the mood with some low lights and wine. Dress provocatively. Start by caressing you partner’s chest and move on from there. When you see how good it feels to take turns initiating sex, your relationship should open up a little more.
- You expect partner to do all the work.
Who takes charge during sex in your relationship? Some partners have insecurities or hang-ups that make it difficult for them to do or ask for what they want during sex. Others may just enjoy not having to do any of the work. Making your partner take the lead all the time is selfish.
Sex is meant to be a reciprocal act where you come together as one. If one person is doing all the work while the other just lies there, there is not much togetherness.
Before you have sex, both of you should take some time to explore each other’s bodies. As you explore, ask your partner “Do you like this…” and be sure to tell your partner “Yes, I like that..” Good sex takes two active partners, so have fun exploring.
- You get mad when your partner doesn’t give you what you need.
Do you find yourself getting mad at your partner because he or she doesn’t do what you need? Have you talked to our partner about your needs? No one can read your mind and know what you need in the way of intimate contact or sex. Getting mad at your partner because you don’t have the courage to speak up and ask for what you want is selfish.
Your partner may not be giving you what you need because they don’t know. You need to speak up and ask. Better yet, guide them gently, in how to pleasure you. Chances are, they will be grateful for the help.
If you see yourself in any of these situations, it’s worth taking some time to think about ways you might be able to be more considerate of your partner. When both partners participate openly in sex, sex is more exciting, and your relationship becomes more intimate.Download Our Worksheet