How to Navigate a Serious Illness in Marriage
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Chronic illness with a spouse can bring many challenges, but there are ways to be a supportive partner and take care of your well-being. It is essential to have open conversations about your own needs and concerns as well as theirs. A balance is needed to maintain happiness in the marriage. The caregiving spouse needs to make sure they are invested enough in the marriage to see it through. There is support out there to help in these situations.
Health Scares can Test the Strongest of Marriages.
Being diagnosed with a chronic illness creates changes in your life situation that may increase the risk of divorce in couples. The partner of someone diagnosed with a chronic disease needs to assume the role of both caretaker and partner. If you provide care, you can feel resentful and overwhelmed. The care recipient can feel more like a patient than a marriage partner. This shift can threaten self-esteem and create a sense of loss.
Finding ways to talk openly about the challenges with illness helps to solve problems effectively and form good teamwork. There can be frustration and anger over conditions when your spouse can't do certain things. Finding a middle ground with communication is key. Constantly discussing the illness is a problem, and never discussing it is also a problem.
2. Ask your partner what they need.
Encourage your partner to share their needs for caretaking and their emotional and relationship needs. Caregiving involved in illness can change a marriage landscape, and you and your partner may feel a loss of sexy or romantic feelings and may need to work through this together or with a therapist. Education about illness and treatment options by going together to doctor's appointments would be helpful.
Seek support from home aide services for activities of daily living, mobility, and household chores. Being transparent, direct, and clear about your wants is essential because your partner isn't a mind reader.
A partner with a chronic illness may send mixed messages based on how well they feel and may fluctuate with how much help they need. When feeling good, your partner may want to do things on their own but then become resentful when others don't help when they aren't feeling as well. Chronic illness can shift the balance of a relationship; the more responsibilities one needs to assume, the greater the imbalance.
3. Keep communication open and honest.
The relationship can suffer when people don't discuss problems with no easy or obvious solution. A lack of discussion can lead to feelings of distance and a lack of intimacy. Finding ways and the right time to talk clearly and openly about challenges helps with problem-solving and creates feelings of closeness from good teamwork. Talk to your partner rather than assume you know what your partner thinks, feels, and needs from you.
4. Take care of yourself to avoid caregiver burnout.
A chronic illness or debilitating condition added into the mix of a relationship can make it feel nearly impossible to stay emotionally happy. Being married to a person who has a long-term health condition can bring challenges, and you can ignore your own mental and emotional wellness needs as you tend to their needs. There are ways you can be a supportive partner and still take care of your well-being:
- Open, honest conversations about your own needs and concerns are essential.
- Practice empathy and self-care by making time for your needs and finding social support to help you feel restored.
- It's always vital to remember that two people are in your relationship, and your needs are equally important.
5.Know your limits and seek sources of home care
Seeking outside support from homecare services for activities of daily living, mobility, and household chores may also be needed. Some agencies help with different health conditions and provide education and support. Other agencies offer home health care for medical issues, therapies, and light housekeeping. Needs may evolve as the illness progresses; thus, checking in with each other about what is going well and what feels challenging will help you stay close through this difficult time. Government agencies are available to offer financial support.
6. Give yourself and your partner room for a “time-out.”
After assessing what is needed and what you can or can't help with, determine your boundaries to help you succeed with your relationship. There may be some care tasks you don't think you are physically or emotionally able to do; be forthright about that from the start and help your partner find additional home care sources. As a caregiver, you must take breaks to avoid burnout and maintain your well-being. Your boundaries can only be adhered to if you clearly state them to your partner.
Couples need good communication skills to survive. This dynamic is increasingly challenged by the illness of a spouse. Communication may be confused by mixed messages requiring more advanced skill to deal with and romance can be lost. If you struggle in this area, you may need more professional support, consider using Marriage In a Box as a resource for helpful suggestions and guidance. Marriage In a Box provides access to tools and techniques professionals use for relationship issues. You can set goals, earn rewards, and find marriage coaching on the site. Check out the available kit and sources of information online.
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