How To Emotionally Re-Connect To Your Partner
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When you said your marriage vows, you and your partner promised to love, honor, and cherish each other until death. Somewhere along the way, some couples can get so distracted with the busyness of life that they no longer spend much time together, and when they talk --it is more like a to-do list. What happened to that spark, that emotional connection you both used to have?
The number one cause for divorce today is lack of communication. Just a decade ago it was adultery, but today failing to communicate, communicating poorly, or just letting the emotional gap widen between a husband and wife can be fatal to marriages.
If you are feeling distant or isolated from your spouse, it is time to take action to reconnect with your spouse with these seven steps.
STEP 1: SIT DOWN AND TALK THINGS OUT
When you start to notice that you and your partner have become distant, make it a top priority to sit down with them and talk things through. When one of you retreats emotionally, there is something going on. Did you have a fight or argument where one of you hurt the other?
If you are deliberately staying distant because of an argument, try to get to the root of the problem rather than staying silent to punish your partner. Whether you were at fault or not, start with an apology for hurting your partner’s feelings. Be the peace maker. Good communication skills are essential when attempting to reconnect emotionally.
STEP 2: PAY ATTENTION & LISTEN TO YOUR PARTNER
It is a general fact that we skip 75% of what is said. It can be less than that if we are preoccupied all the time with cell phones, games, computers, etc. Give your undivided attention when your spouse or partner is talking. Look your spouse in the face to show sincerity. If you have a phone in your hand, make sure your spouse sees you turn it off so that you can give your undivided attention deliberately.
STEP 3: TALK TO EACH OTHER IN LOVE
No matter what the issue is, always use a respectful tone of voice with your partner. You married them because you love and cherish them, not to mistreat them. If the discussion begins to get heated, take a time out before you say things in anger that you cannot take back. Let what you say build up and soothe your partner.
STEP 4: SPEND TIME DOING THINGS TOGETHER
Try to do activities you wouldn’t usually do and step out of your comfort zone together. Be more intentional about the time you spend together; have the tough conversations and the funny ones and everything in between!
You could finally go through your mutual bucket list or make your favorite meal together. It doesn’t have to be an extravagant or outlandish activity, just make sure that you are making each other a priority and are using the experience to actively connect.
STEP 5: EXPRESS YOUR APPRECIATION FOR YOUR PARTNER
Don’t just shower your partner in love on the big important days, but make sure to show them how much you appreciate them for the smaller things too. Say Thank you. Pay them a compliment. Show how much you appreciate your partner often.
Learning how to express why you cherish your partner will also remind you both why you got together in the first place. Often the smallest act of kindness or affection can be the most significant. It is these significant everyday moments that will help rebuild emotional connection.
STEP 6: ALWAYS SUPPORT YOUR PARTNER
You may not agree with your partner’s goals and dreams but try to understand what they are, why they have them, and support them. When you are supportive and encouraging, your partner feels safe and stronger. Your relationship becomes their haven from the doubters and haters.
STEP 7: DON’T SKIMP ON PHYSICAL INTIMACY
Let your partner know how much you love them. Get your flirt on with a glance, a touch, a whispered sentiment. Give them an intimate hug or kiss and let it linger. Set the mood for sex.
To reconnect emotionally with your spouse, you need trust, honesty, and transparency about your emotions. You must let them know about things that trouble your mind and heart, and don’t forget to give them space when they need it.
Learn more about our Couples Therapy Exercises