How To Do A Marriage Check Up
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Every year the President gives a State of the Union address to check in with the nation and advise them of what is being done by the administration on major issues of concern in the United States. Everyone wants to be kept in the know on what’s going on in just about every aspect of their lives. How often do you and your spouse check in on your marriage? A marriage checkup is a great way to build a strong, healthy marriage.
WHY DO A MARRIAGE CHECK UP?
Most people buy a warranty, sign up for a service plan, or pay for preventative maintenance on appliances, luxury items, and necessary technology so it won’t break down, fail, or fall apart. Think of a marriage checkup as a preventative maintenance for your relationship. A checkup is a way:
- To communicate with each other.
- To make sure you are both on the same page as far as what your goals are and how well you are doing against your goals.
- To work through your insecurities.
- You both can discuss where you are in finances, intellectual and spiritual growth, and sexual satisfaction so you see areas where improvements can be made.
- To help you and your spouse identify and resolve issues before they become a big problem.
HOW TO DO A MARRIAGE CHECK UP
Set a regular time, weekly or monthly, that you can both sit down for 60 to 90 minutes and have a conversation on the state of your marriage. This is not a Gripe session; the goal is to praise positive areas, pinpoint problem areas, and increase communication to resolve them. One or two days before the conversation, each of you will separately and honestly complete the marriage checkup. (shown at the end of the directions)
- Start your check up by telling your partner three things they did this week or month that you want to thank them for. Expressing gratitude to your spouse sets a positive tone for your conversation.
- Each of you take turns reading the statement in #1-13 and each of you share your rating and discuss. In your discussion, remember to :
- Use your “I” statements like I feel, or it seems to me. NO BLAMING.
- Listen carefully to what your spouse has to say. DON’T INTERRUPT or try to defend yourself.
- Each of you take turns reading the question and giving your answer to #13-16.
How you react to the answers your spouse gives is as important as the questions themselves. Remember the goal of the marriage checkup is to praise positive areas, pinpoint problem areas, and increase communication to resolve them.
- Before you start your next marriage checkup, discuss with your spouse about what went well, and what didn’t go well based on your previous marriage checkup.
Marriage Checkup to be completed by each partner separately.
Rate your marriage on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the best.
- Your level of commitment to your marriage.
- Time spent with your spouse having fun.
- Time spent with your spouse alone.
- Sharing of household chores and errands.
- The number of compliments you give your spouse.
- The number of compliments your spouse gives you.
- Level of criticism you give your spouse.
- Level of criticism your spouse gives you.
- Your financial spending.
- Your spouse’s financial spending.
- Goals that you and your spouse have set for your future together.
- The amount of money you and your spouse have saved toward your goals.
Write a one to two sentence answer to the following questions.
- What is the strong spot in your marriage?
- What is the weak spot in your marriage?
- I love it when my spouse…
- One thing I don’t think my spouse understands about me is..
Marriages don’t usually fail because of big stuff. The small things that build up over time like missed kisses, unspoken apologies, one sided argument, meals eaten alone or in silence, and money wasted that eventually erupt and have gone on too long to be fixed.
A periodic medical checkup can prevent a heart attack and a periodic marital checkup can prevent a failed marriage.
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