How To Bring Back The Passion Back Into Your Sex Life
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After a couple has been married for a while, the infatuation can fade and the sex can become routine or ho-hum. When sex becomes boring, it takes away from satisfaction in the marriage. Eventually, each partner loses interest in the other and little to no sex occurs.
Married couples know each other more intimately than singles and thus have the opportunity to have sex more often, put more variety in their sex lives and create a deeper intimacy in their sex lives. When sex is more emotionally and physically passionate, it can increase the satisfaction in the marriage immensely.
People often assume that if the “sexual chemistry” is there then sex is automatically good. Sexual chemistry is not an actual bodily “chemical”; it is a passionate emotion that releases itself physically. To put that passion back into your marital sex life, it will take work as a couple. Here are a few tips to help get things back on track.
Avoid Whining
Many people in a relationship whine and complain. “You never want to have sex anymore!” Trying to guilt your partner into sex is not very likely to have the desired effect. Sex is an act that both partners have to feel excited to participate in. Instead, try enticing your partner into sex gradually by doing something he or she likes and playfully teasing them.
Communicate openly about what you need and desire.
A lot of couples get into trouble when they try to discuss their sex life, or absence of if, because they fall into the habit of blaming. Typically they come to the discussion with both barrels blazing “You don’t love me anymore!" “You think I’m fat and disgusting." These are statements that may not even be true, and it is a mistake to assume you know what he or she is feeling. Instead, start slow and ask specifically for a behavior that you want to happen in a kind, loving tone. “ I would love it if we could cuddle for a few minutes before bed tonight.”
Don’t shoot for something too unrealistic.
You may have heard of some technique that is supposed to make the sex really hot but be careful about trying to “teach” your partner to do new sexual things. It could scare them of before anything gets started. If it’s been awhile since you have had sex, start with something simple and comfortable that you remember that you and they both liked. “I remember you used to love it when I massaged your shoulders. I like that too. Let’s take turns giving each other a massage.”
Set the Mood
Timing is everything in romance. Trying to initiate sex with your partner the minute they walk through the door from a hard day at work is not very likely to meet with much success. Instead, spend some time preparing for their arrival by cleaning up and making yourself look attractive. Greet him/her at the door, offer to get them a snack or drink and give them time to unwind. Then slowly, make them feel at ease by sharing a small sexual fantasy you have about them before you try to initiate sex.
Provide Positive Reinforcement
Just like trying out any new thing, your partner may be unsure of themselves and need positive feedback during and after sex. Talk to your partner during sex by encouraging them. “Yes, I really like when you do that” or “ That hurts a little, can we readjust?” Tell your partner you love them. After sex, tell your partner something they did that you really liked and say thank you. If you show appreciation for their sexual efforts, it reinforces the behavior and makes it much more likely that they will want to engage in that behavior again.
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