Has Covid-19 Magnified The Rocks In Your Marriage?
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Quarantine has probably magnified and intensified things that you were already struggling with in your marriage. You’re not alone. Many couples are discovering difficulties with quarantine. You and your spouse’s fuses are shorter now and you are stuck together with more to stress about and get angry about. You are stuck in between a hard place and a rock.
Every marriage is a rocky road. The question is how big are the rocks?
Pebbles: Annoyances
You are two individuals with unique personalities, needs and habits. Don’t be surprised that your spouse does little talcum things that annoy you.
If you let annoyances accumulate, if you give them power, eventually, they will take on a life of their own and escalate.
You can overlook them or you can address them. Overlooking them requires you to exercise patience, grace, empathy and humility. Addressing them is going to require conversation.
You can choose NOT to give things the power to annoy you. You can accept your spouse the way they are, warts and all.
Rocks: Disagreements
For most couples, it is only after you get married and start having to discuss the bigger issues in life that you figure what you see eye-to-eye on an what you don’t. Disagreements on things like sex, parenting, and finances can become a big pebble between you and your spouse that rips you up every time the subject comes up.
You can respond or you can react. Responding to a disagreement may require a “time out” to get your emotions under control before you answer your partner. Reacting is going to require active listening and asking clarifying questions so you don’t react in anger. You can stop, listen to what your partner is saying, put what you heard into your own words and ask your partner if that is what they meant. You are turning the disagreement into a conversation.
Marriage is work. The question is are you both willing to put in the effort?
Stones: Open conflict
In most marriages, there is a time when you or your partner crosses a boundary or makes a mistake that causes your marriage to veer off course. Intimacy wanes, communication becomes all about the business end of marriage and you both feel like you are living separate lives.
You can try to navigate the stones together or let the stones divide you. Navigation will require attacking the problem but not the person. Learning to communicate using “ I feel that…” rather than “ You did…” help diffuse the big fights. Intentionally making an effort to stay connected by positive emotional expressions and physical touch. Division only ends one way.
Remember the rock you started your marriage with – that beautiful diamond ring? Think about why you married your partner and make the choice to put in the effort to work on your marriage together.
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