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Get Rid Of Selfishness In Your Marriage

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A marriage has an ebb and flow with giving and receiving. When one of the partners always gives more than the other, the relationship be comes unbalanced and needs attention, or it may drive that partner away. When one is so concerned and consumed in themselves, they forget to care about their life-long partner, disrupting the balance of married life. Caring about each other's needs and moods is essential in marriage.

Understanding Selfishness 

Selfishness is the tendency to act excessively or solely to benefit oneself, even if others are disadvantaged.

Selfish behaviors and attitudes are displayed by the following:

●      Lack of empathy

●      Prioritizing personal needs consistently

●      Disregard for partner's feelings and opinions

 Traits of selfishness in marriage:

      1. Acting in self-interest or feeling entitled instead of considering others' needs.

      2. No empathy for suffering people.

      3. No remorse when they've hurt others

      4. Use manipulation tactics and others to get what's wanted.

      5. Asking for favors but not repaying them.

      6. Unkindness, or kindness, has a price.

  Common examples of selfishness in marriage are:

●     When a partner makes their choices, desires, and decisions to benefit them only, regardless of how it would affect the other partner, it is selfish.

●     During arguments or a disagreement, both partners must be considerate towards each other's feelings; being one-sided is selfish.

●     In a marriage, family time should be a priority; getting so immersed in a career is detrimental that a spouse or family has lost their time and effort from that partner.

Causes of Selfishness 

Selfishness can vary with situations; everyone engages in this behavior to a certain extent.

Here are some factors that can cause selfishness:

Genetics: Family members with narcissistic personalities might make people more likely to display this trait.

Upbringing: Growing up with adult mentors who emphasized materialism and self-centeredness can influence selfishness in their child.

Stress: People may become selfish as a response to stressful events.

The Impact of Selfishness on Marriage 

Selfishness on the part of a spouse can cause their partner reluctance in thinking about their happiness. It can badly damage your love life if selfishness is repeatedly displayed. Physical intimacy, as well as emotional intimacy, is lost, and resentment can arise. Communication can break down, and trust weakens along with the couple's connection. Selfishness in a relationship might force the other partner to seek love outside the relationship.

Cultivating selflessness 

Here are some steps for couples to take:

●     Listen. Listen to grasp your spouse's feelings with as much accuracy as possible.

●     Validate. Respond verbally to your spouse with validation like, "I can see how you'd feel that way." while avoiding judgment and trying to fix.

●     Share. Put yourself in their shoes and look at the world from their eyes. Experience the anger, frustration, excitement, happiness, or feelings they express with an empathetic ear and a compassionate response.

●     Practice vulnerability. Empathy is built by both people in the marriage opening up about situations, feelings, and thoughts, and each responds similarly with empathy.

Overcoming Challenges

 Assertive communication is a skill that is valuable with selfishness. Practicing assertive communication allows setting clear boundaries, confronting selfish behaviors, and expressing feelings. Communicating in a way that will enable you to advocate for yourself while collaborating to find a middle ground with solving problems may be very effective with a selfish person. Using open and honest communication while sharing your needs, desires, and concerns and using skills such as active listening by focusing on what your partner is saying while showing understanding and validation is also helpful.

If you have a selfish person in your life, they've likely hurt you at some point, whether they realize it or not. Here are some tips to deal with the selfish people you have in your life.

Don't take it personally.

Understand that selfish people behave in their self-interest, regardless of how you act. Avoid taking their behavior personally or blaming yourself.

Set clear boundaries.

Sticking to boundaries may help you be less affected by the selfish person's behavior.

Practice acceptance

Understand that with mental health issues, there may be nothing you can do to change this person's behavior. If a confrontation doesn't change the person's behavior as you'd hoped, practicing acceptance in such situations isn't easy, but it may be necessary.

Get educated.

Knowledge of the root causes behind selfish behavior can help you empathize with the person and gain a deeper understanding that their behavior is not your fault.  

If you or your partner are struggling with selfishness, Marriage in a Box is an excellent resource for learning strategies and identifying selfish behavior patterns and communication skills.

Consider using Marriage in a Box to heal your marriage.

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