Five ways to Prevent You and Your spouse from Drifting Apart
In the early stages of a romantic relationship, a strong attraction draws you together and drives your thoughts, actions, and plans. The couple thinks this attraction will always stay strong and require almost no work to keep the emotions alive. There is intentional effort needed to do things to keep the spark in your marriage.
Signs you and your partner could be growing apart.
There is a loss of affection and attraction, and a decrease in sex life.
Neither of you is attracted to the other like you were in the past. It is rare that either of you initiates or responds to signs of affection like kissing or hugging or setting the stage for sex.
You spend less time together and run out of things to talk about.
There is still a lingering thought that going on a date together would be nice, but more effort is needed to make it happen with all the other responsibilities. Early on, you both had plenty to talk about when together; now, conversations die down quickly and sometimes are awkward.
It feels like you're not invested in the marriage and are living as strangers.
There is so little time spent together, and you don't do the little things to care for each other as a couple that you used to do. It feels like you are not sure you know them any longer.
Other things seem more important than each other, and you’re giving up on trying to get close again.
When trying to discuss concerns about the relationship, it gets crowded out by something or someone else. Things feel hopeless, and you've given up trying to accept that this is how life is now. Others have noticed and commented that the two of you no longer seem close.
There is a lot of resentment.
Resentments for both of you have been growing because of the disappointment in the relationship.
How to Reconnect with your spouse.
Talk About It.
The first step to overcoming the growing distance between you and your partner is to discuss your concerns. However, it's essential to avoid blame, use I feel statements, give observations, and avoid confrontation. Talk about bridging the gap together.
Spend more time together.
Research shows that couples who spend more time together experience greater happiness and less stress. Intersecting the demands of work and family requires time and devotion to divide time.
Show Caring & support for your partner.
Look for ways to care and support one another, as it is easier to feel connected to someone when you think they are in your corner. We feel better about ourselves and cope better with stressful situations when feeling upheld.
There are many ways to support your spouse in both words and deeds:
● Tell your partner how proud you are of them.
● Send a note describing your appreciation for them.
● Show your partner support through actions by doing favors or acts of kindness for them.
● Validate their feelings to help your spouse feel seen, understood, and more emotionally connected.
Nourish Your Relationship.
Nourish the love that they already have by interspersing tiny moments of connection and closeness every single day. Reach out warmly to your partner regularly and respond lovingly when your partner reaches out to you.
Here are a few ways you might do this:
● Kiss your partner goodbye daily on the way to work,slow down to enjoy the kiss and recognize that you are kissing someone you love.
● If your partner tells you how nice you look, make eye contact and thank them. If you want appreciation, appreciate it when you get it.
● When Your partner climbs into bed next to you, put away any distractions for a moment and tell them you're glad they are home and spend time with them.
These little efforts invigorate your relationship. Remember to nourish your relationship to avoid draining it. Stay close to your partner even when life is turbulent so you're still together when it isn't.
Remember How and Why You and Your Spouse Fell in Love.
Make an effort to remember why you got together in the beginning. Pull out the early photos or the texts of when you were falling in love and spend some time remembering them or write about the beautiful things you did together to shift the mood to positive. Try bringing some of these activities back into your life to prevent falling into a rut and drifting apart.
It takes joint effort from both spouses to bring life into your marriage again. Consider using Marriage In a Box for helpful suggestions on bringing closeness and spark into your marriage.
Marriage In a Box is a resource for obtaining tools, techniques, and solutions professional marriage counselors use for typical relationship issues. Marriage coaching is also available on the website. You can also set goals and obtain rewards. Feel free to check out the kit and sources of information online.