Don't Let Negativity Kill Your Marriage
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Very few people are always in a good mood. Things happen that can make life difficult, things don’t always go as planned, your plate can overflow with responsibilities, or any number of things can occur. Everyone has an occasional bad day that can put them in a foul mood. However, when your or your partner’s foul moods turn into frequent negativity, it can spell danger for your relationship.
Recognize Negative Patterns in Your Marriage Early
Pay attention to signs that negativity is becoming a dominant force in your relationship.
• Does your spouse frequent lack appreciation?
• Do you both engage in frequent arguments?
•After an argument, do you or your spouse tend hold grudges?
• Do you notice yourself or spouse always focusing on the worst or assuming the worst intentions?
It may be helpful for each of you to self-reflect on your own behavior. Write down instances that you notice occurrences and how they affect your feelings toward your marriage.
The Impact of Negativity on Marriage
Negativity is a pessimistic attitude that always expects the worst. A negative person is constantly skeptical and tends to deny, oppose, or resist suggestions, statements, or commands. Examples of negativity include:
• Constant complaining
• Criticism
• Cynicism
• Frequent discontent
• Moodiness
• Pessimism
• Perfectionism
• Worrying about insignificant things
Left unchecked, negativity will take a toll on both partners in the marriage by breaking down the emotional bond. Negativity causes both people to feel unappreciated and undervalued. It magnifies the other person’s faults or shortcomings. Negativity is contagious making it difficult for each partner to understand or empathize with the other. Eventually, it can end up dragging both partners into depression.
Causes of Negativity
There are many factors that can contribute to negativity in a marriage.
Negativity Bias
Watch the news programs and you should notice that negative events and information get more attention than positive ones. In relationships, this negativity bias often causes people to always expect the worst or always be on the defensive.
Communication Issues
Problems communicating contribute to feelings of negativity. Problems like assuming you know what the other person is thinking, criticizing one another, or giving each other the silent treatment can contribute to negativity and resentment.
Stress
Excessive stress can make it difficult for people to stay positive. It can leave you or your partner in a constant state of anxiety, seriously affecting the ability to feel optimistic.
Past Experiences
Past experiences, such as childhood traumas or unresolved issues, may be contributing factors.
Mental Health Conditions
In some cases, mental health conditions can cause constant negative thinking. Disorders linked with negative thinking include anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Strategies to Combat Negativity
Get control of your or your spouse’s negativism before it ruins your relationship. It will take some genuine effort and honest communication to shift communication and habits from negative and positive.
• Build a support network of positive people: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who can provide guidance and encouragement during difficult times.
• Cultivate Gratitude: Focus on the positives and appreciate each other’s efforts. Try to find the good and joy in everyday moments. Take the time to reflect on the positive aspects of your relationship and celebrate small victories together.
• Effective Communication: Encourage open, respectful conversations to address problems early on together.
• Foster a positive environment: Surround yourself and your spouse with positivity by creating a supportive and loving atmosphere.
• Listen and validate: Take time to listen actively and validate each other’s feelings to get a deeper understanding of emotions and experiences. Empathy and compassion go a long way in breaking the cycle of negativity.
• Practice self-care: Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally, so you can better support your spouse and maintain a positive mindset.
• Set clear expectations: Clearly define what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable in your relationship.
• Shift Your Mindset: Learn to identify and question negative thoughts by offering alternative perspectives and reframing thoughts realistically to avoid dwelling on the negative.
• Support Each Other’s Growth: Foster a positive environment where each person feels supported and understood.
It is importance to combat negativity to preserve and strengthen your marriage. Make positivity a priority and address challenges together as a team to break negative cycles.
When negativity becomes too much to handle on your own, consider using Marriage In a Box for professional support, helpful suggestions, and guidance. Marriage In a Box provides access to tools and techniques that professionals use to address relationship issues. On the site, you can set goals, earn rewards, and find marriage coaching. Check out the available kit and sources of information online.
Sign up for a free trial of the Marriage In A Box online tracking tool!