Do You Really Want A 50/50 Marriage?
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As important as it is for husbands and wives to carry their own weight, expecting a completely equal division of chores and money is a good way for people to get hurt. While the intent is to support each other, too often it becomes about keeping score. Expecting a 50/50 relationship leads to 3 things that can destroy a marriage.
- Losing sight of your spouse as a person
Marriage doesn’t come with a chore chart that awards you with gold star and stickers, checking off every time you fulfill a responsibility. Thinking your spouse must do his or her 50 percent leads you to focus on the other person’s performance. You then lose sight of your spouse as the person you vowed to cherish.
- Resentment and negativity towards your spouse
Trying to obtain a 50-50 balance in roles and responsibilities can lead very quickly to the highly toxic elements of resentment and negativity. A 50/50 marriage often has designated chores. They decided one of the husband’s chores is to mow the lawn. The wife gets home before the husband who ends up having to work late. The lawn doesn’t get mowed. This happens a few nights in a row. The wife loses patience in her husband for not completing his chores and either begins to nag him about the lawn or begrudgingly mows the lawn. The wife did not have empathy for her husband having to work so many extra hours at work. Instead her energy was focused on resenting him for not mowing the lawn.
- Selfishness
Whenever you do something for the relationship or the family expecting to get something back in return, it changes the thought process from “What can I do to make this relationship better?” to “If I do this, what am I getting out of it?” It changes the focus of your relationship from making your partner happy to making you happy. A marriage is about putting the needs of your spouse first and doing everything you can to make the relationship work.
Long-term relationships require flexibility to work. The strongest marriages have partners that seem to accept that the equation changes day by day, and sometimes by the hour, and is open to negotiation. It’s likely never going to land on 50 percent.
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