Dishonesty Will Undermine Your Marriage
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We all have strengths and weaknesses. But one weakness you cannot afford in a marriage relationship is dishonesty. Dishonesty can take many forms such as lying about something you did, keeping something hidden that you should have brought to your spouse’s attention or even just not providing all the details of an event. People can be dishonest about small things “little white lies” or about big things “outright deception”. Even in the little things, dishonesty will undermine your marriage.
A lie has a life of its own. It starts by telling a lie to your partner about something small like a purchase you should not have made or an incident at work that was your fault. You may have been unable to admit what you did and wanted to avoid a confrontation with your spouse. Once the lie is out there, you can’t take it back so if your partner questions you about it, you now need to build another lie around the first lie to cover your tracks. Now it has snowballed into something bigger.
Example: You spent $175 on a pair of top of the line running shoes. When your partner asked you about the new running shoes, you told her they were on sale and you could not pass them up. Eventually the credit card bill is going to show up and she might see the purchase and realize that you lied about the shoes. Then what?
The realization that you have been dishonest with your partner is a painful violation of your marriage. Dishonesty covers a whole gamut of indiscretions from a lie about financial issues or work issues to bigger things like cheating or substance abuse problems. While you might tell yourself that it is OK to lie to your spouse because you are sparing their feelings by hiding what you did, eventually the truth will come out. When the truth is revealed, not only will your spouse have to deal with what you did but, also the pain of knowing that you hid it from her through lies. Two problems instead of one making your dishonesty a difficult pill to swallow that may take a long time to forgive. In the case of dishonesty about big things like an affair, it may be impossible to overcome.
Once the trust in a marriage has been broken, it is difficult to repair. Trust is a fragile thing. It is part of the glue that holds a marriage together. A marriage is supposed to be a safe partnership where you can honestly and openly share your hopes, dreams and secrets with your spouse and rely on them to keep them and you safe from harm. Once your partner finds out that you have been dishonest with her-she now realizes that the person she trusted is the very person who has harmed her. That is a painful betrayal. She will not be so likely to believe what you tell her after that. It is very likely that she will start to question what other things you have been dishonest about with her.
If you have been dishonest with your spouse, the best course of action is to put all of your cards on the table and tell her what you did and why you lied about it. Be completely honest and don’t leave out any details. Chances are, if it is something other than having an affair, you and your spouse can work through it and get back to telling the truth and rebuild your marriage on a healthier foundation of honesty.
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