Dishonesty Can Destroy your Marriage
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Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. One weakness you do not want in a marriage relationship is a tendency to be dishonest. Even in the smallest things, dishonesty will ruin your marriage.
There are several reasons your spouse may be dishonest with you.
- They may have disappointed you once before, and they are afraid of how you will react.
- They may have promised to change, and they didn’t
- They may have promised to do something but didn’t, even though they meant to.
People often lie not to deceive, but to protect themselves. They are ashamed of what they’re trying to cover up, afraid of the consequences, and they don’t want to have to see your disappointment in them. The reasons do not justify the act, though
Dishonesty will eventually break down and ruin your marriage.
Lying is a selfish act. People try to argue they were doing it to protect someone or something. Lying is usually to cover up something. To keep it secret. To avoid getting in trouble. To avoid hurting another person, so the relationship does not change. Lying only benefits you.
One lie leads to another. If you don’t tell the truth on something seemingly harmless, you’ll be very uncomfortable the first time. The second time you do it, it will be easier. Pretty soon, you’ll lie about things of more significant consequence. You’ll have to invent another lie to cover your tracks on the original lie. It’s just not worth it.
Dishonesty destroys your spouse’s trust. When your spouse learns that you’ve been dishonest with him or her, they’ll have a harder time taking you at your word. Even if they forgive dishonesty, it will be more difficult for them to trust you with the things they value.
Dishonesty hurts your spouse. The hurt’s depth depends on the type of lying, what the lie was about, the length of time the lie has been covered up, and whether or not the lie deals with a sensitive subject. Hurt takes time to heal. When you trust someone, you are vulnerable to them. Dishonesty crushes you. It feels like you can’t trust your partner anymore. It also feels like you had the deepest parts of you abused.
Dishonesty in your marriage can be overcome. You can live a happy life together, full of trust and honesty if you are both willing to confront the issue.
- Let the dishonest spouse know that you are aware that they have been dishonest. Gently explain that you feel very betrayed, and this is painful for you.
- Ask your spouse, “Why didn’t you think I’d listen to the truth?” Hear them out.
- Tell them you feel deeply hurt and betrayed because they lied to you.
- Reassure your spouse that you want to have a relationship with them that isn’t painful and doesn’t include deception.
Learn to be honest in your marriage. Honesty provides safety and trust in relationships.