Can You Fix A Toxic Marriage?
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It is exhausting and soul-depleting to live in a toxic marriage. You're mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted because there's no peace at home, which is supposed to be your refuge. The good news is that if both partners are willing to make the right changes, toxic marriages can become healthy and secure partnerships. However, if safety and security are at risk in the family, it may be better to separate.
What is a Toxic Marriage?
A toxic marriage is a chronic condition if there are unhealthy mental, physical, and emotional issues. These issues may lead to emotional abuse, substance abuse, adultery, physical abuse or desertion, or other major transgressions that cause trouble in a marriage.
Why are Toxic People Harmful?
● Toxic people can be self-centered, manipulative, abusive, and lack empathy.
● Toxic people may constantly demand attention, sympathy, or validation.
● Toxic people tend to disrespect emotional and physical boundaries and erode our self-esteem.
Signs You Are in a Toxic Marriage
● Resentment
Holding grudges chips away at intimacy. Over time, resentment can build up and widen the chasm.
● Dishonesty
Lying is a very unhealthy behavior that creates mistrust.
● Disrespect
Being late and forgetting events and other verbal or nonverbal behaviors that show disrespect are a red flag.
● Negative financial behaviors
It can be toxic if you agree about your finances and one partner constantly disrespects that agreement.
● Constant stress
Ordinary life challenges, like illness and job losses can create tension in your marriage. However, finding yourself constantly on edge is a critical indicator that something's off.
● Ignoring your needs
Always going along with whatever your partner wants, when it goes against your wishes or comfort level, is a sign of toxicity.
● Lost relationships and loss of self-care
If you've stopped spending time with friends and family or let go of your usual self-care habits (withdraw from hobbies, neglect health, and sacrifice free time) to avoid conflict with your spouse, you may be in a toxic relationship.
● Walking on eggshells
If you avoid conflict to avoid upsetting your partner and your partner won't listen to your concerns, your relationship could be toxic.
Is a Toxic Marriage Worth Saving?
Staying in a toxic marriage without changing anything will be soul-destroying, exhausting, devastating, and unhealthy for your health and well-being, not just for you but also for your spouse. A toxic marriage is worth saving, but it requires a lot of effort and commitment from both spouses!
Steps to Take to Fix a Toxic Marriage
When people are stuck in harmful patterns and cycles, it is toxic; unhealthy dynamics can be mended with conscious time, effort, and self-awareness. Both people must be willing to change and accept responsibility to move forward.
Here's how to fix a toxic relationship:
1. Evaluate whether the relationship can be fixed.
Yes, toxic relationships can change if spouses are equally committed to change and use self-reflection with honest, open communication and possibly professional help. It requires self-examination of your actions and doing inner work. Suppose you or your partner is unwilling to put in the effort; the relationship will not change, and you should consider ending it.
2. Be willing to walk away.
Before confronting a spouse, ensure your feelings of strong self-esteem and self-confidence are good enough for you to know that you will be alright. If you're unwilling to leave the marriage, your partner learns they can get away with things.
3. Look for the ABCD Behaviors.
A toxic relationship has a constant presence of ABCD behaviors(accusations, blame, criticisms, and demands).
4. Use your Voice and Start Taking up Space.
In toxic relationships, you find yourself resentful about not honoring yourself or your own needs to be included in the marriage to avoid upsetting your partner. It's healthy that you feel relaxed and can be yourself and bring up concerns. Exercise your voice thoughtfully; it's a muscle, so keep using it! Share how you feel and how it creates distance in the relationship.
5. Seek out help.
If one or both partners feel worse about themselves when they're in the relationship, it is toxic. You may need professional help to become stronger. Healthy love is nurturing and doesn't involve any acts of earning. You are good enough simply by being who you are.
6. Learn to trust yourself and stick to your guns.
Toxic relationships often involve gaslighting, which may cause you to doubt your judgment. Cultivating mindfulness practices can be vital to learning how to trust yourself and your own experience. Notice the inconsistencies between what is said and what is happening, and let your partner know you will only engage once they're willing to listen to you.
7. Together, explore healthier ways to express criticism.
Habitual criticism, judgment, or condemnation is harmful and not helpful in marriage; it crosses the line.
8. Only move on from conflicts with plans to change.
It is better if partners move on with a plan in place for change and how to approach conflict differently. Establish a safe space where partners can share their feelings, needs, and desires without using the ABCD behaviors.
If you and your partner are struggling with toxic behaviors, Marriage In a Box may be an option for helping to learn new skills, and get suggestions, and support. It is also essential that both spouses know interventions and boundaries to repair the damage in their marriage.
Consider Marriage In a Box for helpful advice and solutions. Marriage In a Box allows you to access tools professional marriage counselors use and solutions for relationship issues. Marriage coaching is available on the website. Feel free to check out their kit and sources of information online.
Sign up for a free trial of the Marriage In A Box online tracking tool!