Are You Smothering Your Spouse?
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Space issues plague just about every couple at one time or another. For many, it's an ongoing source of contention. Perhaps you spend too much time together or the amount of physical affection lavished on you by your partner makes you uncomfortable. Regardless of the details of the dispute, the same question is at the core of most of these conflicts: Where does the "us" end and the "I" begin? Experts agree that couples need to find a balance between togetherness and individuality.
How do you know if you are smothering your spouse?
- You expect your partner to spend all of their time with you. You should spend quality time with your partner but when you isolate them from family and friends, there’s a problem. A healthy marriage includes spending time with people that matter to you both such as friends and family. There needs to be a balance.
- You require excessive physical contact with your spouse. Every marriage requires physical closeness, but if you are constantly draping yourself all over your partner, it is a sign that you may be insecure. If your partner begins to pull away physically, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. They may just need some breathing room.
- You call your spouse frequently during the day to see what they are doing or check their phone to see whom they have been talking to. This is an obsessive, controlling behavior that tells your partner that you do not trust them.
There's a fine line between being affectionate and being needy. Neediness actually pushes people away. Neediness smothers your partner. Smothering is driven by insecurity and selfishness. Loving is driven by confidence and generosity.
How can you eliminate smothering behavior?
Develop friendships outside of the marriage with people you have some common interests with. This will give you an outlet for conversation and help build self-esteem.
Participate in a variety of activities. This will make you both well rounded, and give you more to talk about.
Be open and honest with your partner. Communicate your needs in a cool, calm manner. Reassure your partner that you are not rejecting them but you need time to do things for yourself. Be specific about your needs and goals.
When you do spend time together, give your partner the undivided attention they crave.
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