Are There Trust Issues In Your Marriage?
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Trust is essential to a healthy, loving marriage. We tend to trust people who are caring toward us, who have integrity, and whose actions correspond to their words. We trust someone we can count on to consistently do what is “right.” In an intimate relationship, we trust our partner if he or she is predictable, reliable, honest and lives with integrity, according to our values and beliefs.
Trust is built and maintained by many conversations and small actions over time. If trust is not firmly established between you and your partner, fear can take over, judgment can become clouded and doubt and suspicion may grow.
There may be several reasons why you and/or your partner have developed trust issues:
When two people enter a relationship, they bring with them all of their past experiences and preconceived notions. Someone who has experienced loss or betrayal in a previous relationship-whether that be romantic, family or friendship-may have a difficult time trusting. They can either be reluctant to open up to their partner or become clingy and controlling due their fear of losing heir partner.
Maria’s father left her mother when she was 10 years old. When she married, she began to ask her husband all about his day, his friends and things he did. At first, he thought it was sweet that she was so interested in his day-to-day life. Over time, however, Sandra’s curiosity turned into incessant questioning about every aspect of his day. She started calling and texting frequently and, when she could not get a hold of him, he faced accusations when he came home.
One partner can become insecure if the other is not very open about their whereabouts, their friends, their job, their family etc. Some people may have their own insecurities about their relationships and career. Still others may feel uncomfortable sharing certain details with their spouse because they know their spouse won’t approve.
Jamaal grew up in poverty and most of his family still lives in welfare housing. Jamaal was smart and worked hard to make a better life for himself and won a scholarship which allowed him to go to college and get a good job. He felt so fortunate when he and Sandra fell in love and got married. While Sandra had met his family and some of his friends, she did not feel comfortable around them. Whenever, Jamaal got together with those friends or family, he did not share those details with Sandra because he felt she would not approve.
How do Couples Resolve their Trust Issues?
- Open the Channels of Communication- Don’t hide your feelings. Let your spouse know how you feel about their controlling or evasive behavior and reassure them that you love them and want to build a life with them.
- Talk about your daily lives on a regular basis. Constant communication creates a connection, builds intimacy and lets your partner know that you care about them.
- Share your secrets with your spouse. Sharing brings couples closer together and creates a strong bond.
- Make it a point to include your spouse in activities with friends and family so that they have an opportunity to get to know them anddon’t feel shut out..
The best way to build trust is open, honest Communication and inclusion o all areas of your life.
Learn more about our Couples Therapy Exercises