A Co-Dependent Marriage Relationship Can Smother Love
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When couples love each other, it’s normal to feel attached, to desire closeness, to be concerned for each another, and to depend upon each other. Their lives are intertwined, and they’re affected by and need each other. When one partner’s self-esteem depends on the other partner and they plan their entire life around pleasing the other person, the marriage relationship has become an unhealthy, codependent relationship.
What is Co-dependency?
Co-dependency is a learned behavior that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. One partner’s self-esteem and self-worth comes from sacrificing themselves for their partner, who is only too happy to receive their sacrifices. Codependent couples usually are out of balance. Frequently, there are struggles for power and control. They’re often anxious and resentful and feel guilty and responsible for their partner’s feelings and moods. Then they try to control each other to feel okay and get their needs met.
Characteristics of a co-dependent relationship:
- Can’t tolerate disagreement and blame one another for causing their problems without taking responsibility for themselves.
- Do not respect each other’s separateness and individuality,
- Despite their pain, they feel trapped in the relationship because they fear that they cannot function on their own.
- Mutual codependency and insecurity makes intimacy threatening since being honest and known risks rejection or dissolution of their fragile self.
- Relate to each other in unhealthy ways with patterns of obsession, self-sacrifice, dysfunctional communication, and control.
- Often the relationship involves emotional or physical abuse.
What makes interconnections healthy is interdependency, not codependency. Characteristics of a an interdependent relationship:
- Both partners share power equally and take responsibility for their own feelings, actions, and contributions to the relationship.
- Each partner can manage their thoughts and feelings on their own and independence does not threaten the relationship.
- They allow for each other’s differences.
- Their self-esteem does not depend on their partner and they don’t fear intimacy.
- Mutual respect and support for each other’s personal goals.
Treatment for Co-depending Relationships
- Find a hobby or activity that you enjoy outside of the relationship.
- Practice open communication about wants and needs and shared decision-making.
- Seek Individual or group therapy and support groups.