5 Wicked Little Behaviors That Strain Your Marriage
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There is no truly perfect marriage or a perfect partner. We all have flaws, but when those wicked little behaviors start robbing you and your partner of the joys of marriage, it is time to put an end to them.
- Being closed off to new experiences with your partner
Partners can adopt roles or routines that limit us and close us off to new things and experiences. “You know I don’t like that restaurant,” or “We always see a movie on Saturday night.” It hurts the relationship when we stop being free and open to developing new shared interests. It can foster real resentment between partners.
While we genuinely don’t like some things, try to remember what it was like when you were dating and experiencing new things with your partner. New experiences can help keep a marriage vibrant.
- Manipulating your partner
Some partners may engage in manipulative maneuvers to get what they want, such as trying to control a situation by falling apart, crying, blowing up or being intimidating. They may adopt roles that hurt or limit them in their relationship. One person becoming domineering and controlling, while the other acts passive and submissive.
It’s essential to say what we want without trying to dominate or control a situation. Being Direct is the best way to maintain an honest and authentic way of relating that gets us what we want in life.
- Sending mixed messages to your partner
Partners can drive each other crazy when their words and actions fail to match. Unfortunately, deception and duplicity are commonly used in a relationship. There can be mixed messages based on people that say one thing but do something else. Examples:
- Saying, “I really love you,” but then acting like you don’t have any time to spend with your partner.
- Saying, “I need to be close to you,” then continually criticizing your partner when he or she is around.
Actions that contradict your words do not look like love. Say what you mean and behave accordingly.
- Lack of affection and impersonal sex with your partner
Over time in a marriage, the sex can start to feel inadequate and impersonal. Some couples describe their sex lives as mechanical or highly routinized. The routine takes much of the excitement out of their attraction. There are outside circumstances that can affect or change one’s physical relationship. However, there’s often a lot of negative self-talk or “critical inner voices” that discourage us from pursuing our sexuality.
It’s essential to filter out the negative messages and stay in touch with this vital part of our partner and ourselves. Ideally, we should strive to keep in touch with our feelings, and be sensitive to our partner’s feelings. There should be a sharing and a give and take, with real intimate contact being made, which sparks loving feelings.
- Having a distorted image of your partner
We can sometimes see our partners for who we want them to be rather than who they are. We distort them by idealizing or putting them on a pedestal. We pick them apart, denigrating them by projecting negative qualities onto them that may not be there. We may see them as more critical, intrusive, or rejecting than they are because we grew up with people who had these qualities.
No one can feel loved unless they feel like they are seen realistically. When our partner builds us up or tears us down, we feel like we’re on shaky ground, not being loved for who we are.
Marriage is a joyful experience that you and your partner can enjoy fully if you will work on eliminating behaviors that are harmful to your marriage.
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