3 Things You Need to Do To Put That Spark Back in Your Marriage
Sometimes, couples get stuck in a place where they feel burnt out and disappointed in their marriage. It happens. However, you can get “unstuck” and get your love relationship back on track if you are both willing to put in a little work. Here are three things you need to do to put the spark back in your marriage.
Keep the Expectations of Your Spouse Realistic
While there are expectations that can make a marriage great, there are also unrealistic expectations that can destroy your marriage from the inside out.
Do you set unrealistically high expectations of your spouse?
- Your spouse should understand what you feel and need without you having to tell them.
- You constantly accuse your spouse of not loving or caring about you.
- You regularly place demands on your spouse no matter how sensitive and nurturing they are to you.
If your expectations for your spouse solely define your happiness, you’ll likely create unrepairable cracks in the foundation of your relationship. Unrealistic expectations place immense pressure on your spouse to satisfy your “wants,” even if they don’t actually meet your “needs.” You may unintentionally set your spouse, and your marriage, up for failure. and it sets them up for failure from the start.
How can you develop more healthy expectations?
- Identify your wants vs. your needs.
- Open up and share your fears, emotions, and needs with your spouse.
- Stop criticizing and blaming and focus on the great things about your spouse.
Get in Touch with and Take Care of Yourself
It is very easy to look at other people and your spouse through a microscope, but what about you? Are you focusing on other people, so you don’t have to struggle with your own self-image? If you are not willing to give your spouse your “best self”, you cannot expect them to give theirs. A marriage means each partner providing their spouse with all they need to feel supported, cared for, and loved as you blend your lives together.
Journaling is an excellent way to get in touch with your thoughts and emotions and can help keep you grounded.
Exercise is a great way to “re-charge” and develop a positive self-image.
Pampering is a way to soothe and nurture yourself by doing your nails, hair, soak in the tub, etc.
Taking time to take care of yourself pays off by allowing you to be more present in your marriage and available to your spouse in the best way.
Never Stop Dating Your Spouse
When most couples look back on their time of dating before marriage, what they will remember is the laughter, fun, open communication, flirting, desiring, and the romance. Get back into that dating mode.
With all the stress in our lives from work, children, in-laws, other commitments, it takes more work after you have been married for a while to turn that “dating mode” on. You need to schedule it weekly and plan for it. It can be dinner out and a babysitter or sitting out on the porch with a glass of wine and talking under the stars. Whatever form it takes, taking time out to connect with each other will bring back the things that brought you together in the first place and reignite that spark.Learn more about our Couples Therapy Exercises